Let me first explain how this particular blog post was born. It was early in our exclusive relationship and I had mistakenly believed my BFWB had lied to me. Later on I figured out that I was wrong but I had already written this to him. I was so thankful I had been wrong …
Now I’m rewriting this because of the one hidden thing, all I want to know is WHY did you hide what you didn’t have to?
Of all people, me! I’m broken beyond recognition,
You crushed my very soul
Put out my fire, and hurt me in places
I didn’t know existed.
You hid something from me.
I just don’t get it 😭
That cuts me more
Than the possibility of you
replacing me in your life which that scares me to the horrible depths
Of my fucking heart. You hid your list from me!
I thought that I gave you the best of both worlds. Only asking to be exclusive.
I’ve backed off as much as I possibly could with you pulling away from me every day.
I felt that and was afraid.
Why did you hide that from me?
Are you pulling away thinking I am like the rest in your past, testing me as such…
I long for you to just enjoy hanging again ~
I gave my heart to you and all
I expected was loyalty in return.
But you had to go and hide that. I’m devastated..
Loyalty and respect went out the window when you hid that from me.
I know I’m hard to love, even like but before now there was never a problem!
Why don’t you like me anymore because I feel it and it is ripping my heart into shreds.
How did I deserve to be
disrespected so bad?
To my very bones, I am hurt. Because, you felt you couldn’t show me what you hid.
You despise liars and thieves,
People that pull out moves like that,
That is what I don’t understand …
How could you treat me like so lowly,
Me, who would do anything in this world for you, like I never mattered at all.
Unless for another and you don’t want to say, because of whatever reaction you think I may give.
But damn, you hid that away from me, unnecessarily. That’s what made me feel, there was something to hide?!
Am I just that dumb?
I want us to stay like we are, I need you in my life!
You know I will never ask you for what you cannot give,
Your more important to me than I ever realized, and I figured that out, with your pulling away.
I don’t think I can make it every day without you.
I’ve grown used to our sex, and our deep but open friendship, or is that all just felt on my side?
~ then i think again about you felt that you had to hide something you knew I’d notice and be hurt inside and also to wonder, will I ever be able to let you go if you so choose?
Had I been wrong
…..To let you in?
I will give you any thing you need.
Losing you would not be good for me
However I need you to be completely honest with me, no matter if it hurts me or not.
I don’t want to bother, if that is gone!
Please stay with me and….
then the reason you hid,
Well at least, maybe you will finally tell me and
I will know why.
(I hope I can add this after we talk)
I just found out,
You may have hid,
Maybe you had fears of getting to close or simply are sick of me being around.
But at least tell me … So I know why.
… because I know now… You will never leave.
My hopes were finally right! Your never going to leave me alone!