Caught between struggling and serenity

I’m in a place that is serene mixed with disarray. I wonder if anyone else understands what I mean by that?

I am I’m the process of learning a lot about myself for the first time in my life and it’s an incredible experience, I must say! It’s scary yet it is very surreal as well.

I’m dealing with a few health issues at the moment.ย  Adult ADHD which is undiagnosed and untreated, diabetes 2, COPD, and that’s it for now. I’m also in the process of quitting smoking. I’ve got a lot going on and the progression of the ADHD had gotten worse over the last few months and it’s been very difficult to live with.

I’m not very old and in my mind I’m very young but I suppose in the general scheme of things, I’m aging but I know where it counts, I won’t ever grow up, thankfully! I try daily to be positive and focus on helping myself and others.

Life is full of surprises that’s for sure and if your not paying close attention you may miss the lessons you are supposed to learn. I know I missed a lot in my life I was supposed to learn because I wasn’t listening. I’m just thankful that I learned any lessons at all. I was a late learner, but at least I didn’t quit until I learned and gained wisdom. My best friend and guy helps me a lot and I suppose I’m too dependent on him but he handles me like a champ.

So, this crossroads is a weird place to get in life but I can feel it’s very necessary in order to move forward. I’m just reaping what I had sown in the past. Bad decisions can ruin your life.

Is this something I can bounce back from? I wonder this deeply inside, God, I hope so because I have the faith inside that I can. I don’t know where it comes from but it is always there. Not allowing me to quit.

I’m apprehensive now because I know I’m very fragile emotionally.ย  I’m good in general; however, I just need to be aware of that fact and be gentle with myself. (We tend the be hard on ourselves and that could keep us from moving forward in and itself, so watch how you treat yourself. Others abuse us, please don’t abuse yourself too).ย  I will have too get through this, somehow.

Sheer determination grips my heart โค๏ธ showing me that it is in control. I can’t sleep but I can write and focus on answering questions on QUORA and promoting my blog in hopes to make money soon with it.ย  I’m driven, hard, even in the throes of insomnia.ย  It helps me to help others when I’m feeling this way.ย  It drives me, yet I’m exhausted to my bones.

There must be no other option, I must survive this. I’ve never quit before I won’t start now.

I tell myself it will all be okay and this to shall pass โœŒ๏ธ now I have too believe it.

*Look for my Facebook pages that focus on the STIGMA of living with ADHD and addictions and recovery as well.


    1. I do put myself first now more than I ever have. ADHD causes your thoughts to magnified and they will lie to you. This post was me having those thoughts about my BFWB who amazing to me and had been very supportive throughout. Those thoughts were wrong and I knew it when I had them but sometimes doubts come and take off with a life their own until don’t what is real or not. I hope I’m making sense to you.

      These Symptoms are really showing out with me now and I just have to talk to my Dr about it. The clinic i go to is a sliding scale so they aren’t funded for some things and they are claiming that ADHD is one of those things. I’m checking now to see if I can find a loophole somewhere because I desperately need treatment.

      Thank you for your feedback, it is welcomed and I am new to freelance and blog writing. I earned a living doing creative writing in the past so that is why feedback is so important to me now, to let me know if I’m on point it not with this. Thank you also for taking the time to comment and to follow my blog ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•


  1. If you feel that what you are doing is right then keep pushing forward! Only hard work and determination will pay off in the end, many people before us have failed just before the were about to succeed! letโ€™s not be one of them do what makes you happy and in turn support others to do what makes them happy ๐Ÿ˜Š one by one we can make this world a better place. I know you can do it ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป๐Ÿ’•

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate your encouraging words. I keep saying “this to shall pass”. I’m not a negative person I’m always usually all smiles and in a good mood. This has me turned inside out it feels like.
      Yes I can do it because I don’t quit! ๐Ÿ’• I have no other option.
      Thank you for your time and your comment โœŒ๏ธ

      Liked by 1 person

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