Have you ever had so much love inside of you but you had no place to “place” it?
If that sounds like you, then can relate to this post! Allow me to decipher it somewhat, so you’ll be able to follow along.
💕For those of you who may not understand the angle of this post, I will explain.
Just to break it down, I’m in love with my bfwb and he knows how I feel. It’s actually “beyond love” because I have never felt nor experienced anything like this. I even go out of my way to let him know that I would neve push him into something more. He accepted it while trusting me to keep my word and not push him for more out of our “exclusiveship”. I accept him right where he is, as he accepts my feelings … that’s true love any which way you look at it.
That feeling of having so much love inside and no place to give it, hits hard then overwhelms and overpowers you, and you can “feel” the void of where the love was supposed to go. That void hurts a million times more than not having somewhere safe for it to be placed.
The dark hole does still ache, tremendously and deep, inside of my chest. Paralyzing, way deep down inside yet numb, from the stark realization, that there is nowhere close for me to lay, the love that’s way deep down in my heart.
The void he has is still there, I feel it with fear and he’s blocking the place and making it hard to find that part of his heart where the love cried to go, so I felt that I’d just lost my case.
He lives almost an hour away 😢 so I don’t see him as often as my heart would okay. Holding me at a distance … unknowingly I think.
Day by day he gets further away from that secret place, He dives straight into that void and it’s deep in his heart.
Nevertheless, my ache has kept on, sadly aware and realizing there’s nowhere at all, in such a place, for my love to be accepted and given, without losing face.
The ache grows stronger for the love that it’s missed – gut wrenching pain, slicing straight to my heart and it hurts so bad while ….
Scaring me through the dark parts of my soul, making my love close off, the void that was placed in his heart.
That void in him longs to be filled, regardless of his fear that my love will get loose and then will depart, sneaking away, while he’s doing his part.
What he needs to know is that I’m here to stay and I can be what’s deep in his heart!
It’s really quite painful when the fear of never having him begins, ever so slowly until the crescendos begin, up past the very ceiling that shields you within.
It’s a horrible ache stabbing into my soul that I’ve ever known because of one heart.
I can promise you, right from the start. I will never depart, it’s worth it to me from the tale of two hearts.
In some way it halts the love, that’s patiently waiting just to be placed.
Tears fall for the love that is right in your face, By wanting to be noticed so much I may break. That makes it impossibly difficult for my love to be placed.
It’s the distancing he does, that can be felt in a flash, and he neglects to acknowledge any one certain fact.
The love he silently craves, is hiding within but he keeps it so far, away from his heart, yet she still needs a place, that her love won’t part.
In his mind, he may ask … Is it plausible that this secret love has a face?
He’s loyal and good, just resisting love in any form . keeping love away, not showing the real him inside that I’ve known.
I yearn to bond with his mind like before and our intimacies that would blow me so far …
… out in space, keeping me screaming his name all over the place!
I feel his defenses spring up from his core, from a secret place that my heart would love to explore.
Do you “feel” his void and my crushing ache, while hurting so bad …
… simply because my love, craves to be placed.
He used to radiate the thought that my love was approved because he didn’t run the entire time that he knew.
He seems to good to be true and I see that in everything that he’s done just for me.
Love tries to escape from the depths of my core, to rush to the void and quickly fill his heart,
only finding distance, which made my love turn around, silently begging him not to part …
… with deep labored breaths that seem forced from my lungs, the void that he has, secretly aches, tells me that my love might eventually be placed.
The way he makes love to me is wild and then …
He stares at me intensely doing such incredible things to me, I don’t want him to stop…
It’s all about him, conquering that fear, that all women are alike and just playing a game.
Well, she’s right here beside you holding the mark, and the bond that you’ve shared deep down in both hearts.
She’s craving it to be, inside of her most secret place, but past demons come up to fill his void instead, doing nothing but making his heart again fill with dread. That’s why there’s no room for my love to reside.
Me wanting him to report wasn’t true, yet he believed it so much, it was concreted deep in his trust.
It will, eventually haunt him while making him wonder: Is her love really real and not wanting more than I’m able to give?
All that love I have way deep inside, waiting to be placed somewhere for my love not to hide.
I have all this love for you bursting inside, away from your doubts in order for your heart to allow me inside.
Letting you get deep into your stride, trying not to collide with your need for space.
While way deep inside, of my secret place, where I’m holding this love that is turned on by you, and with an ominous ache is his void is so huge? Since the love that I hold onto HARD yet, deep down inside, while knowing that it’s not allowed to be placed.
He’s protecting his spirit and I can relate while mine, can conquer and divide the demons that harass and take place, while making him keep it from love that’s shown in his face.
Yet he’s scared to release that small secret place where he let love come close – but he didn’t give place, harboring things that would have made others break.
He then showed me the side of his hero part to, he’s so brave and so strong –
I hear me now and I’m crying for you…
Moving robotically, day by day and shuffling through all the mess in my way.
The weight of that ache, settled deep in my mind, wishing hard and praying loud, screaming for that love to please be found.
Then, maybe his heart will come out and see, that my love needs to fill, that void and him not flee.
With him not wanting it, yet sensing he wanted it so, his heart could be healed by allowing a path for true love to grow. God had surely set them up to meet and get close inside his heart. His spirit had spoken up and with that pic in his mind, damn all of the sudden, he turned from me and groaned, then he closed himself off to the trails of my mind.
I’m holding on, with all of my might, slightly frantic it seems because I don’t want this fight. I want everything to remain the same, with our hot sexy times and yet I still need to know, “are we still exclusive deep down in your mind?”,
…all the while knowing, there’s no room in his heart, for him to be mine.
I knew from the start that I would probably get hurt deep down to the very core of my heart. He’s that precious to me to have in my life, that he’s keeping his distance doesn’t change the want that’s way deep down inside that special place that’s deep down in my heart.
Just remember, it all started with his void deep inside, where my love wanted to go and lay down to reside. He’s held me in his strong arms, no fear that I can see, he makes everything negative stay away from me.
Sometimes my love was allowed to get close and deep down inside.
… just not quite…
and that’s partly because my love was secretly keeping his hope alive!
Despite what he showed me that he didn’t want, any part of my love, that I have deep down in my heart …
Secretly he wished for a love so grand that it would put to shame, any past that he had.
He was fighting inside, perilously close to his heart… Whether or not to allow these feelings I’ve felt since the day that we met.
My hope is that one day, love would be allowed fully to see, and deep enough for the love to “feel“, all snuggly …
and warm way deep down inside, yet needing to rest and being right beside, the place, where his hope let’s my love survive!
With a lot of joy and hope just out of my reach, I knew this routine way better than most, also knowing inside of my deep down space, where I need his void to let my love to be placed.
Teasing me relentlessly, the strings of my heart, and waiting for patience, yet craving him hard.
The ache will never go away, for that person you need, your craving them relentlessly, just wanting your love to get deep down inside and take their void by surprise, so they will certainly survive!
There will be none to replace this one in my heart, he will forever have the key, to my heart , where my love lived right from the start!
Asking finally, where does my love go, if not to him? Answer. That love that is his and his alone will just wait around until it’s shown, that is okay to fill that void of his.
If that never happens… My love will still be right here outside just loving him anyway thru everything indeed!
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