adhd anXiety tries to rule … ๐Ÿ˜ต

On the verge … dangerous trepidation … agitates deep inside …

… anxiety tries to rule …

… daily struggles … monotonous … nothing seems to change …

… am I left all alone … in a … fog left by the world … passing me by … never giving me a thought – I’m just sitting alone in my little home …

… anxiety tries to rule …

I can sense happiness just beyond my reach … It’s weird – but I feel things and unlike others … I have those skills you can’t teach … ADHD management is not out of reach …

I’m kinda stuck where I am right now … emotionally, I mean … not in the worst or the best of moods … I just wish I knew how …

… anxiety tries to rule …

To do things in life like everyone else … like go to the store, drive to a friend’s, spend some time at a park just like I used to do … before …

I still have a ways to go – since that light bulb came on … seven months ago – give or take a month … I try not to get withdrawn … as I try to calm my mind with no meds … ADHD runs through my head … running amuck … ripping my brain to shreds …

… anxiety tries to rule …

Holding it together … for what I’m not sure … I’m kinda tired of having to act like I’m so strong … I’m not and when it comes to myself … I’m usually never wrong … ADHD usually won’t allow me to listen to even one song …
Minutes tick by … ever so slow and I get so anxious that feeling doesn’t want to leave … Then I don’t know what to do or where to go …

… anxiety tries to rule …

I try not to think about things, so I just get online … to write or to help someone just to take it all off my mind …

… anxiety tries to rule …

Fake friends around here are a dime a dozen … so transparent in their actions but they think they’re slick … but I can see right through the crap they’re trying so hard to hide … because they may be quick but they ain’t that quick …

In the challenging ADHD moments of anxiety times ten … Much to my chagrin … Scattered thoughts pounding down on me like a hard fast rain … Closing my eyes I try to escape – I was locked in this moment I that being said … I am just gonna have to deal with this pain … ADHD is never going to be tame …

I’ve come a very long way in my journey of seeking self awareness … Wisdom abounds more in my sOuL and beyond … than before and that is a rareness … It’s somewhat similar to a real “self bond” …

Bonding with yourself isn’t easy as you may think … You have to dig deep beyond your inner core … So it all comes together and gets in sync … consistency is the key just practice it more and more …

Overcoming mental disorders take a lot of mental work … some say they want the outcome – but that just means – they just don’t want to put in any hard work … They’d rather just make excuses and be stupid jerks …

Anxiety stunts you spiritually – preventing your emotional growth – causing them to not develop properly … It really sucks having anxiety and ADHD both …

Waiting to be formerly diagnosed … that is hard to do as an adult these days … all I want is help to be normal … ADHD is not just a phase …

… anxiety tries to rule …

I’m not defined by any mental health issues or disorder “thing” … I try to stay away from people in general … for the most part they try to get your ass in a sling …

I’m going to smoke a stick now it takes the edge off… I want to pay attention to my guy… laying next to me … so please don’t scoff … I’ll turn out the light and snuggle up nice and he will snuggle back with me right where I’m supposed to be …

… anxiety ain’t gonna rule …

… living with ADHD is definitely not very cool …

LIKE my fb page dealing with stigma related mental disorders, diseases and chronic illnesses …

๐Ÿ˜ต for ADHD support contact:

ADHD/NAMI National Alliance on Mental Illness

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom …”

๐Ÿ˜จ Thank you for reading, commenting and following ๐Ÿ˜ฒ
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rOCk CanDy queen (revised 05-19-19)

Years ago my thoughts go back to the time where she was fun to hang out with at first, that white lady, she knew how to make you feel good and kept you intrigued … while you kept coming back for more …

… she gets more fierce with her touch as time moves on – she has no heart and no soul, yet she can turn your heart away – from yourself and she don’t play – as well as those close to you and she won’t stop until your soul is in chains – clutching you tight – knowing you can’t break free … your stuck outright … in bondage to the queen of rOCk CanDy – the evil white lady indeed …

You will find her dancing with the demons of addiction, heartbreak and pain – you will eventually give in to their strong demands once again – falsely thinking that they accept you – yet really they don’t – that’s just get you hooked and harass you relentlessly – down that vile path, because by then – they are laughing at you – as you realize in horror – that your unable to stop …

Like a robot and a puppet you move to her beat … like a good master – she’s pulls easy then real hard on your strings – while you chase that next hit – as she heartlessly brings – you way down – straight to your knees …

Teasing you mercilessly – is one of her many sick treats … just as that hit that you raced for … finally connects with you … causing you feel such a major relief – yet only to soon …

… you want more and more and still yet more – until she senses your fear, forcing even the devil himself to scream … “go on your worthless just get the hell outta here” – then sadly, as you cower down – what does all of this prove – your wondering, because your still – in the COCAINE mood …

… knowing full well …

… it’s not enough – it’s never enough anymore … your always miserable, sick, scared, depressed, strung out and dazed and by when you think about that cloud of white smoke passing you by … Your body constricts in pain, your brain aches and … with a brutal force that’s dragging you down once again – way lower than you ever wanted to go – to stare straight at the queen of rock candywho is waiting for you to pay what she thinks you owe …

and rOCk CanDy will have no problem – numbing your emotions and your mind … so your aren’t clear enough to make any decisions at all … it’s no wonder that she’s more than a tiny bit surprised …

… when you actually take a stand – against her and she senses your newfound strength – she then squeeze’s your sOuL so hard you can’t breathe …

she’s holding you snug – in her cold yet intriguing hand … “Do you think you can play with me” … she laughs at you instead … she also whispers in your ear that you are a deep down disgrace …

… and once she has your emotions shredded – making you feel quite lost … locked away deep inside – way beyond your sOuL – you tell yourself how stupid it was to let that white bitCh – so deep in your mind …

She will fight you like a man, ultimately kicking your ass – so it may seem – but you Never Give Up as you fight this white cu*t – the infamous and lethal … the rOCk CanDy queen … If you keep fighting and don’t stop – she will weaken her grasp – then you can run away fast and leave ...

… Gradually …

… until one day she will realize that your not worth her time, so she will find another sOuL – that she can take by the hand and lead along the path going straight to that place – that leads right to the front door and straight into hell – introducing them to the white lady – the queen of the rOCk CanDy jaiL …

… sometimes you may fall and stumble around – fall off cliffs and drown – in the turbulent waters racing awayshe’s known to come looking with her tempting SweetS – meant to entice – in case you slip from the path of complete abstinence …
… don’t get discouraged – pick yourself up and dust off the stains – that the queen of rOCk CanDy forcibly made … strive once more until you get it right … don’t ever allow taunts and hurtful words to give you a fight

Relapse just means you won’t stop striving to quit … it’s tough and unfriendly … remember she isn’t going to give up on you … not one bit …

so …

Don’t allow anyone to bring you down with rumors or snobby looks – they don’t have a clue as to what you have been through – with this white lady … who is the rOCk CanDy queen …

ultimately …

… she has a diabolical plan to kill you ...

… dark depression … hateful voices whisper in the wind … evil beings that harass you … they are not your damn friend – beware of your mental health taking a turn … she will scratch and then bite you diminishing you – before you can learn … that this rOCk CanDy queen is a bitCh that stands firm … her job is to jumble your thoughts and make you see through a haze – your vision so distorted any decision will be crazed …

addiCtiOn is only a symptom that masks the underlying root cause … You need to gather all your strength and please take a pause … and …

… you stop being so nice … stop listening to the bitCh … get mad and with all your strength … face your fear and stand up in her face … as you recall all the things she lied about … remember you almost lost your life behind her evil lies …

let that rOCk CanDy bitCh hear you as your screaming at her that “she’s the devil in disguise” … you tell her off and curse her out – just remember who tha fu*k you are … and do yourself a favor start taking a new route …

that leads away from the door – at the entrance of hell – in the opposite direction that I wish I would’ve seen – previously way before that white bitch stole my dream …

… no matter what keep hold your head up high – keep moving forward – find that deep down determination – find out how you can love yourself more – more especially through – the many dark dreary days … that will certainly come …

… and guess what? …

… one day the relapses will halt – soon realizing that she’s FINALLY locked in the past … don’t let her define you – people will talk, scorn and laugh …
just you hold fast to the dream and remember the pain when she took away all those many years away from your life … don’t stop keep going – your doing just fine … give yourself a smile because once and for all … finaLLy you managed to beat that damn queen – the white lady who still claims that …

… she’s the rOCk CanDy queen …

Keep holding your head high because only you know what the hell it took – to finally lose that white bitch for good – never again will you see … Years down the road …

That white lady looking for you, not even in a dream …

๐Ÿ˜Š My addiction to rOCk CanDy cost me nearly every damn thing I had … It’s been a bittersweet journey after turning away from the front door of hell … If you are an addict – using ANY drug that’s taken over your life REACH OUT because I want you to know this: I saw a level of addiction that most hard core addicts don’t see and they don’t know exists – you do NOT want to be there because the only way out … if you stay in defeat … is going to be a horribly long life behind bars or worse – Death is waiting to take you to the front door that leads into hell so you can hang out with the devil himself … you are NOT – trust me – your not ready for that …

Here are some really good places to contact if you feel the way I described in my poSt ...

National drug helpline website

National Drug Abuse Hotline Numbers: Free Addiction Help 24/7

National Suicide Prevention website and toll free #

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๐Ÿ’™ Stepping into recovery with Jesus

๐Ÿ˜ŠThank you for reading, commenting and following ๐Ÿ˜

๐Ÿ’งmemories … roll down my cheeks๐Ÿ’ง

โšก this post focuses on the fall of 2013, when we lost our home. My son, who was 15 at the time, was forced to move in with his two friends from school and their mom, because of a personal tragedy. I was so thankful they did and I know that God gave them to my son to help him during this pivotal time in his young life. There were rumors spreading faster than the speed of sound about me, in our small rural town. I was called every name in the book and made to feel as if I didn’t care about my son or the house I lost. What nobody saw or understood was that we both had lost our whole life. It was horrific at best. I had to leave town that following January and I moved to a larger town close by. I went to the homeless shelter there to try to pick up the broken and shattered pieces of our life.

๐Ÿ’‘ This is our story …

.. … dedicated to my amazing son, who is graduating ๐ŸŽ“ this month and the tragedy he faced that started the domino effect, through the obstacles he pushed through on his journey ๐Ÿƒeven after his fathers unexpected death ๐Ÿ‘ค he pressed on ๐Ÿ‘ฒ until the present day ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿš’ This poem focuses on how this bittersweet victory shows how determination ๐ŸŽ“ true love ๐ŸŒช๏ธ and heartache can anchor your soul ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐ŸŽ“ driving you to succeed ๐Ÿ™ against all odds ๐ŸŽ“

“… memories … roll down my cheeks …”

Remembering those memories from before …… of his tiny hands and feet, smiling baby cheeks, and as I remember more memories I picture … his chubby face – full of table food smears, birthday cakes and summer slides, of course popsicles – loved by all …. year after year …

Disdainfully, I cringe away from those dark painful thoughts – feeling a tight knot form in my throat … from hateful impressions … molded by haters … Who saw me as naught ……

The measure of unfathomed love inside me – would have filled close to one thousand worlds …

“my son was my smile simply because … I dreamed him into being, long before he was born ...”

but smiles fade … life’s tests and trials find you and you have no option but to maintain – otherwise there would be nothing to gain …

For reasons I can’t imagine – but liars … haters galore wouldn’t leave my mind … stress magnified probably close to one million times … I was unable to show my heart through my actions not even through my life – it wouldn’t have mattered – haters never care about the truth if they believe they see – they just hate – then lie, so … nobody at all tried to see, just how precious my baby boy was to me.

Our safety – our midnight talks, our schedule – my washing your socks – our dream – EVERYTHING THAT WE’D KNOWN – was gone – stolen outright … just like that – our life was forever removed – those cowards don’t know me but one day they will see – I damn sure will have something to prove …

After that monumental criminal attack – I didn’t allow anyone passage into my heart – not my soul – haters – fakers – thru and thru … users – because of them – I was beginning to grow cold …

.. Remembering precious memories before … of his many first days at school ~ the best outfits we could afford, the happiest of smiles and silly giggles and the joy I felt for him …

I never dreamed of what would soon come our way … years away … It would never

again be okay …

… in fact … suddenly …

… Smiles turned upside down, whirling and spiraling into the summer night breeze …

… transforming into fear, future time would realize that quick separation is near … stunned in the sense that life was unfair –

… crushed under the blanket of confusion mixed with frightened tears …

There was to be no relief in sight … no solace … after our smiles were reversed … I prayed to HIM “please lift this curse …”

” … If only I had known …”

What in the hell – if I would have known then – wtf would I do?

… Remembering memories before … of the beginning teenage years – the person he was yet to be – yet the baby that was right here – staring with his trusting eyes – looking straight at me ...

… Remembering …

… It hurts …

… it’s killing me that I am the cause – of our dream shutting down … I hurt him with my addiction and then … this had to happen to us and just take more away – my boy did nothing that deserved his life to be extinguished that day …
it’s painful to look back – yet … those memories … from years before … were all that I had about our life – that I still adored

I miss the life that was ruthlessly … viciously taken from us and it’s safe to say – I feel like my son probably feels the same way …

I’m not sure if I will ever be free – of the cloud holding – guilt, regret and pain – it comes around less often than it did at the start … I never wanted pity – I totally feel – deserving of those freaks – riding that cloud – ever since my son and I had … no choice but to part …

Suffocating … I cannot breathe as my heart constricts from intense gouging pains – while I recall …

cherished recollections …

… from priceless moments before …

chains from unmemorized tunes … playing furiously in the silent night mist …

Complete brokenness

Regret …

Guilt …

Tears …

Self hate …

… I was beginning to feel the pain leave quite slow … from times featuring minor dull aching thuds – crashing through my defenses – holding back several tons of undiscovered tears …

Frightened … foreboding heaviness – black hearts that clinch my soul …

… penetrating … sliding gracefully … closer … until it settles into the core of your essence … Crippling emotional pain โ€ฆ

โ€ฆ awakens โ€ฆ

… my sOuL …

“God” she cried, as her tear stained face looked up – toward the late night eerie sky …

Please don’t let my little boy lose his love for me …”

She knew he would be moving out soon, there was no other choice – her stomach churned violently – thoughts swarming her brain … Of far away wishes, prayers and dreams … haters would soon claim their win …

~ avoidance – was futile ~

… God saw it best to take my sweet boy away … from my care … soon after that …

It was for his best – I was aware – grateful I was – for the angel family that came from God … I knew that I wanted my boy to stay – “no option dammit” I cried inside – it was for his best – he would be safe, I knew … in their care …

that didn’t stop me from dying inside and feeling …

slicing pain – carefully imploding … behind the space reserved … wait … “he can’t be alone – I can’t either, I need him to much” was her silent, screaming – loud heart’s cry โค๏ธ

ringing – echoing in her head like a trumpet blast …

“Ohhh please Lord … go with him … please keep him free … from heart pain – give it all to melet him be free to be all he can be …”

Gripped in the throes of unnatural fate … Never before had she felt this disgrace …

She almost broke down and felt torn apart but how much more pain – her boy must have felt and was surely in fear … surely he was wanting his mom … he had to be scared … thinking with that fear – simply because she was no longer here …

How could she hold up … after she’d allowed his world to be … ripped … ferociously into shreds – she would somehow make it right …praying hard … with all of her might – praying and pleading … hoping God would agree …

She never again turned to drugs – not after her heart was ripped savagely away, don’t you see … of course rumors flew through town – I was doing everything … cowards cried – from drugs to only God knows what else … to myself I would say – after hearing those lies – I could not fall again – I wouldn’t have him hurting because I’d let him down …

“… not after this – I would from now on refrain …”

UNBEARABLE WAS THIS PAIN – FILLING HER WITH DREAD …

She silently promised her son … that she loved him beyond infinity plus one …

I would do anything to make it right …”

“I never should’ve invited the devil in our home of dreams – I was played well … I never recognized the evil scheme …”

Fear and regret were partners in crime

… attacking me …

… haunting my mind … bringing confusion – confusion brought guilt – guilt filled me with pain … apparently the poison from that beat me down more – yet again …

As she dissolved into tears … Feeling herself break inside, she would never be the same … But in her heart she claimed, that her boy wouldn’t go through this hell “not in vain” … “How would I manage” … she didn’t have a clue … she was shutting down … inside paralyzed … such raw emotions had demolished her sOuL …

“I cannot stand this God … please let this all be a bad dream”

– Signs of the trauma showed all over her face – could be felt by her body actually – she needed some encouragement to help plead her case …

My precious sweet son – I make you this promise that I will hold you inside – so very tight until the time arrives – when you and I reunite and choose together where to live and what school would you like – find a girlfriend and have her over a few times a week – maybe start a real family game night … Until then, my son, please don‘t depart – stay with me … inside – because …

“You are forever… enclosed in my heart”๐Ÿ’–

he is close by … in my heart …

my heart slowly cracked – just enough and the broken pieces were not thrown away … but … they hardened inside – there was only one thing that I knew would work – and that meant get down on my knees and pray …

… instead – those enhanced pieces of hardened heart – of far away taunts – unspeakable whispers – telling tales …

… creative yet silent muses – restless anxiety sprang forth in a soft misty spray – while … ignoring the dark places – we had just barely survived – the hell I let inside … swirling thoughts in a whirlwind cloud …

... patiently, I wait – “go away crazy jumbled thoughts” … I’m shaky … while being carried away – by ping pong ideas – animated – not making sense –

I had to gather myself and respectfully utter thanks … I didn’t know then … that our reunion would never take place …

… noone has a clue – the extent of our pain – that was felt intensely – that very dark day … massive guilt covered me – sticking around – weighing close to one thousand pounds …

Missing his face … hurting so bad because I knew – he was better off without me in his life … hateful dark thoughts – unnerved me – taunting me with words that said – I didn’t deserve a place in his life … I didn’t deserve to even be alive …

though I believed – those black thoughts were right – I pushed through daily – ignoring the shame – still nothing came through – no job – nothing at all … but … I couldn’t give up nor would I give in – it was hard as hell – I felt very small …

… during those next few – quite challenging yet detestable years …I never could seem to get up – in this world I feared …

REGRET still haunts me – I miss my precious baby – I love him sooo …

tears … guilt … pain … fear …

filled up my time during the next few years …

Memories … Remembering …

The hate she’d gone through for those haters she’d see … would prove that she had no choice, but to be tough and proceed …

… Remembering memories before … they would sneak passed my eyes slide down over my cheeks, only to be wiped away …

never to be forgotten …

… Regret is a pain that NEVER goes away. I live with it every day …

I own all my wrongs – I just would like this chance – for his permission, you see – for my boy to get to know me … again …

… the real me …

… The woman I am now is who he should have had – as a mom – I have such a desire and hard drive to show him

… how I can inspire and still be …

… who I should have been all along …

“… Do I dare hope?”

… Now, my baby is all grown up handling a busy life of his own …

… my love has NEVER changed from that very first memory day … that started from home … I hope my son knows this – I’ve loved him fiercely ever since he’s been gone …

… Although my feelings may not have been shown …

… in order to completely stake my claim, considering I’m grown …

…. OMG screw haters that say I’d been spouting off lies … sleeping around … smoking dope – I am so sick of being accused – of things I don’t do – just because I was an addict – I’m not allowed to be believed – just judged – juryed – and convicted … “Don’t y’all see, how unfair that can be” … “They wouldn’t see the truth – if it was right in front of their eyes” … “All I want is to be away from haters, cutthroats and folks that are mean – I want to be free …”

… Damn these thoughts …

Demons of emotional disorders, addiction and violence plagued me … through the years … he needed me most …

… That’s why I took all the violent abuse – that showed up in my life … from different people and in distinct harmful ways … I just tried to survive …

SELF DESTRUCTION

Everyone, including myself, thought I’d gotten what I deserved … Still, I catch guilt … It tries to pull me vehemently – away from his heart …

Ohhh God I MISS HIM SO BAD

REMEMBERING

… I just wasn’t the mother I wanted to be or the mom he certainly deserved – but … I silently craved myself to be …

The love in my heart for him, during challenges of past – would hold onto him – through all the stars that the sky did surpass …

“Most have said that I didn’t care because of the road I mistakingly chose to travel … and that’s why our tragedy took place … smfh … It was because I helped the wrong one but I thought I was doing it right …

“But, they didn’t know me nor did they care to see the real me inside – saying hateful things … they were judgemental and assuming – when … all I did was care – so damn much inside …

Where no one could see …

“My sweet baby boy, I will hold you forever … on the inside of me” โค

“CONGRATULATIONS SON”

๐Ÿ’‘ This is my amazing son – my heart baby boy, you have all it takes – to be a success at anything you set out to accomplish, there is no doubt. Always believe in yourself – no matter what anyone else may say. You are blessed dear son and you are so smart, funny, sweet, sensitive, determined, loyal, respectful and all around a very cool guy! The definition of “character” is this: the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. “The concept of character can imply a variety of attributes including the existence of virtues such as empathy, courage, fortitude, honesty, and loyalty, or of good behaviors or habits.”
That definition describes you baby boy! That makes me so proud! Most people, of any age, are sorely lacking these coveted character traits. I’m so proud of you Kennodie, you are and will always be my hero!!! I’m honored to be your mom and although it took a village to raise you – LoL ๐Ÿ˜€ you went above and beyond any expectations that any of us could have ever imagined for you! I know your Daddy is bragging to everyone in heaven about his awesome son! You have your entire life in front of you and I have no doubt that God will continue to bless you beyond your wildest dreams! ๐Ÿ’‘ Know that your Moms heart is overflowing with so much love that is just for you. I will ALWAYS be here for you, I’m a phone call away and maybe you can call me more often ๐Ÿ˜

Sweetheart โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’›

I love you to the Moon and back through to infinity plus one!!!

๐Ÿ˜Š Please LIKE my FB page dedicated to my babies – MISSING MY BABIES

I have 3 kids and 4 grands ๐Ÿ’œ my son is the baby of the family!

๐Ÿ’™ Thank you for reading, commenting and following ๐Ÿ’š

๐Ÿ‘๏ธ simply LoneLy

๐Ÿ˜ž foreword ๐Ÿค” the reality that I’m taking about is the reality that although he’s (my best friend and beyond) not here, I know that he will be back soon, even if it’s not as soon as I would like. But the harshness and pain of loneliness is paralyzing at times.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธ Simply LoneLy …

… Emptiness inside – born from the pain that hurts every time – I miss you babe …

that loneliness creates …

… an emptiness created from craving the presence of that special one – that is unlike any other.

We connected INSTANTLY from hearing faint whispers, echoing deep within our sOuL.

… IT HURTS WHEN YOU AREN’T HERE …

Angrily, the brute force of feeling lonely stabs – through to my core slicing more painfully, into my pain while causing hot throbbing aches, while masking the clarity – that’s automatically taken from the safe images from our own reality.

My heart can be felt pounding hard beneath my chest. I’m feeling that torment … intense …

in fact …

I am shushed from hearing the mutters, emulating through the warmth, climbing out from my soul, came the truth born from sweet memories that we shared not to long ago.

I’m not comfortable in this zone, although I do know – the torrid jolts from missing you …

… The chill from the lonesome cry of my soul … pierce me … Knocking the breath that clings tightly and thoroughly, as I notice not the strain but rather the strength rising up …

… fierce devotion …

that’s felt distinctly for you

causing my tears to streak, sliding silently down my face … While focusing on impressions from long ago grace … and as I sit quietly … in my own little world – I remember this and a whole lot more …

I do know this – I know this for sure, since my son finally admitted to loving me more!

I remember …

that I hate … remembering …

… remembering alone …

;-(

… thankfully when this all took place – those deep thinking – awareness were deep and within God’s grace!

it’s searching …

for the ONE whose absences fills my heart with unforgiving emptiness, searing sharp pains yet I desperately try to regain some control.

Laughing sadly to myself, I know it hurts – when you yearn for someone’s presence – you miss with all your might …

Will I ever survive, fighting these pains that could certainly break me away?

Away from loneliness, because he told me …

Feeling that way is a waste …

… Then he smiled at me, and made my heart smile – while standing right in front of my face!

The mask covers me trying to hide reality – through the pain created by being lonely … and lonely covers me – with a dark blanket of intimate suffering … from yearning thoughts stemming from my core while craving your presence and so much more!

As I peer through that cloudy mask for a check on myself, it becomes virtually impossible for reality to make it’s way to where my soul can see – that’s the reality of deep loneliness indeed!

I don’t need a lot of people that are fake through the storms of life – the lonesomeness blinds me …

… hiding the truth – away from the harshness that my soul can see ~ I do so ache for REALITY.

Reality means that although you aren’t here – this very time – memories tell me that – the realness is when you get out of a bind and make a trip back, just to be with me here!

Yes, although right now your not physically around, due to work and issues that happen when life is abound …

Yet, once I hear you back up to my place, the excitement bursts from deep within and all the exploding from areas not while the song that’s inside my soul screams …

” … he’s here

You keep the emptiness and loneliness at bay … They slither to the corner, hissing at me, claiming to be bored and want me to play … Yet your presence clears the way that is free and the way you care keeps …

… ALL THE BAD THINGS AWAY FROM ME …

… Really wanting you close … Remembering your honesty, your loyality and trust – combined with hope

I SMILE … AS I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS …

knowing soon you’d be pulling up right here in my yard …

and we …

…will remember …

… That I’m remembering … I’m with you … I remember the fact …

… For once I’m not remembering alone …

๐Ÿ˜‰

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Finding your best friend and beyond… dedicated to my exclusive guy – my bfab

โค๏ธ Thank you for reading commenting and following ๐Ÿ’š