baby I’m waiting for you ๐Ÿ’‹

That horrible day you were taken is engraved in my mind … I felt incredibly lost because you’re unique and one of a kind … they themselves should be arrested for that vicious crime …

I was so afraid to be alone … I had to calm down and set the tone … to be an adult more than I’ve ever shown …

it’s been almost two months now with seven more to go … every single day – for us both – I know that time creeps by ever so slow … you’re more precious to me now than you will ever know …

I cannot fathom life without you around, not anymore … Without you here daily creates the horrendous chore … of having to be strong deep down to my souls very core …

Being a grown up is just not my thing … I’ve just had to be since they took you away because you are my king … forever you have the loyality from me that I will bring …

Silent tears threaten to roll down my face … I try wiping them away so there is no trace … I gather myself and stay in my own space …

Away from other couples that argue and complain … I smile to myself, thankful we are not the same … We get along so wonderfully, putting those others to shame …

I will hold on tight and never will I let go … Boo Bear ๐Ÿป this you really need to know … my heart is yours, hold it gently and keep it under control …

Streaks of tears falling fast now, down my cheeks … I look up toward heaven and smile, not feeling so bleak … because God gave me to you and I’m no longer weak …

Seven more months, I would wait on you millions more … There is none like you anywhere, finding you was quite the chore … You are definitely and certainly worth waiting for …

๐Ÿ’‹ thank you for reading, following and commenting ๐Ÿ’‹

Agonizing fear ๐Ÿ˜ต

(This post that I created in February 2019 explains the insecurities I had early in my relationship with my bfab because of toxic relationships in my past. It also shows how my ADHD brain was going into overdrive and it also takes a look at how FEAR can paralyze you, emotionally and sometimes physically.)

Agonizing fear

Terror lashes out at me … paralyzing my entire body … numbness overwhelmes the deep parts of my soul … painful doubts stab through my heart …

Shaking …

trembling …

” … oh no, am I going to be abandoned, thrown away or chunked into emotional duress? …”

“No!

I cannot allow this again …”



Why?” kept going through my thoughts … “he is different and has a purpose in my life … he wouldn’t leave me” … my thoughts seemed to be mine … but not …


Braving myself for a painfuL emotional jaunt … which  continuously … scattered the shredded pieces of my heart ... floating through memories of before when my heart was young …   and how lethal people … raped my sOuL … time after time …


choking …



barely am I able to breathe … I would never make it … if he left … my thoughts were my own … still … but not …

” … I need you” …  my mind screams … roaring … inside my aching head …

… please don’t leave me isolated and hopelessly afraid …

“… I really do need you … it’s so beyond you causing my heart to race …”

anxious tingles …

… Coming at me from all over – SUDDENLY – the agonizing fear grips and hurts way deep down

in my gut …

“Why do I feel that something is wrong?”

” … please … I truly need you” ๐Ÿ’‹

… my very gut cries out …   AGONIZING … from deep within the darkness … that’s inside of me … while it turns into light … if only for a moment …

Wow … I really mattered enough … MIRACLE … you have shown me that I am  importantI matter … never would I dared to dream … I would feel again … this way …

I FINALLY found one true angel in this horrible world …  See how much you have truly blessed my hurting soul ever since that first night when we met …

… This is a true grown up beyond normal love, not a feeling ๐Ÿ˜ that I could have ever imagined … 

… Realization hits me …

My gut has always been right … why didn’t I trust that when my soul cries …  it was trying to alert me … I am ever so grateful …

“… Thank you I cried silently … You gave me back … Me …”

๐Ÿ’œ May 27, 2019 โ€ฆ “This poem was written before I totally understood what true Loyalty meant. I’d never received it before so I thought this man would leave me the same way all the others left me.  I was to discover that this man was cut from a totally different cloth than the rest. He showed me I mattered. 
He gave me the best and most amazing gift in this world.  Meeeeeee ๐Ÿ˜‡ Thank you to my guy … My bfab … My hero” ๐Ÿ˜

Like my fb page that is dedicated to my bfab (best friend and beyond)

Other posts inspired by my bfab ~

Where does the love go

A real man

Just maybe
Tears falling down
The imprint of you on my heart

Why

To scared to pray
๐Ÿ’œThank you for reading, commenting, and followingโค๏ธ