๐Ÿ’” mommy dearest ๐Ÿ’”

๐Ÿ’” revised post from mother’s day 2019 ๐Ÿ’”

I couldn’t believe it … when I was first told … the person that raised me was for real is a petty mean troll … She was hateful indeed and there was no doubt … that loathing she did went beyond way up and out … Yet my being raised so out of control … it was the devil from hell that wanted my soul …

Once I knew that she loved to hurt me … she sure did that that to me a lot indeed … On purpose was her pain … aimed directly at my brain … where it was disorderly yet sane … although crazy it caused anxiety in my brain …

For years, I made it my mission that I’d find a way to please … the evil monster she was … while trying to appease … The orders she tried to make me succumb … yet instead she managed to regain control over on one …

She blamed me for several … of covered up wrongs … my hidden disorder playing like an old song … with her look of disgust … that quickly became a must … to settle on down … to calm my fears while crushing my trust …

She hated on me … for many years more…. while telling me I was never going to be any good … that I was brainless and dumb … I was told time and again … I knew better and when … I disagreed with her … it was much to her chagrin …

Feeling ashamed that I was being stupid all over again … I had no real guidance that gave me a start … with me … grasping for instructions on the minute details of her black heart …

Through the cloudy hidden ADHD haze … jumbled and dazed … feeling the hatred from her they should’ve been a crime … for her it’s just in due time … realizing then that she must … not love me … while claiming that I was the one that was acting real bad … yes that had to be me …

I’d feel so bad that I couldn’t be good … this evil woman I’d begun to hate … while I realized that I would never be understood … her knowing that goodness … freely flowed out of me … that depressing blanket of black … hovered above me … while covering up the unimpeachable … just step back, wait and see …

Paralyzing taunts from the evil in her …. that plagued my thoughts … I certainly was not any old amatuer … ONLY WANTING HER TO LOVE ME … all that now thank God is a blur … Yet all I could do then … is pray that everything would be okay … because that’s what she’d prefer …

She turned my sweet … my baby girl … into a mini little “she” … told her fake news all about me … making me want to flee … down these roads why couldn’t she just leave all of this be …

I was slipping away into that cold dark pit – that was harrowing, scary and warm not a bit … why does she kill my dreams which caused me to just quit …

… the fact that I’m really smart … wasn’t very well known to those around me back then – all I wanted in the world was another mom to start … she lied to me not doing her part … countless times which definitely set the pace … it’s set in stone and unfortunately for me … I fell in disgrace … and her presence followed me … lurking all around the place …

she was always telling more lies about me … unforgettable yet still absurd … now as I look back on those shameful days … she remain cold and undeterred … I often never ever heard … the apologies resounding from her frosty cold soul … she’d never give me her word … not would she relinquish her control …

she’s never going to accept me, ever I thought … that I’d never make it back from all of the dark words and shameful taunts that the devil himself made from her lips without being caught …

the evil clinging inside of her brain – is way hotter than hell … I would never be the same … so much confusing chaos … all around her while silently praying but to no avail … she’d go head first … crashing through my many mistakes … on that rocky road from hell … while holding them all not just one … over me with no brakes …

I don’t feel guilty or anything bad … because I’m free to hate her now … for any unpleasantness that narcissists spread … The guilt as the scapegoat almost suffocated me many years ago … from the lies, calling names and with references that I’d been born from down below …

throughout each night all of my life … from daylight to dark … I’d been brought down real low … I should’ve fallen apart …

I craved for her to acknowledge me … for her to be proud … knowing it was doubtful at best .. yet somehow I was made to believe … that there had to be some good in everyone indeed …

narcissists don’t have one ounce of cheer … so now I no longer care if she acknowledged me back then or not … I was completely blown over when shown what she was … that day not very easily forgot …

I learned the hard way that she would never feel love for me or for you … while strolling along in life … Hopelessly … she’d groan causing so much strife … and with pain coming down … directly aimed at my soul … I wasn’t about to let anyone know …

I’m finally free ever since I’ve known what label she supports … masking emotions and things of that sort …

Manipulators and controllers stay busy all about … I tried so long to be a real good girl … there should be no doubt …

I feel as if I’m caught in a bind of chaos inside foggy clouds … I was unable to verbalize my feelings out loud … being locked in my own little world every day … so so quiet … still sensing her hate unmasking when she’d smile at me underneath it was so fake …

I was finally released … from her diabolical mind … my memories from then are ultimately at peace … I would no longer wish for her to be kind …

I rode out the hard pain … that hovered … barely … above me … while having thoughts that I feared that mostly involved you as well as me …

I am finally at the point in my life … I no longer have feelings … not for or about her … and I no longer tolerate any damn strife … I am at peace inside knowing my worth “as it were” …

ยฉchellesrawthoughts

๐Ÿ’” if you or someone you know is a daughter of a narcissistic mother ๐Ÿ’” reach out to them … they need someone to understand them and the depth of their immense emotional pain … because they believe everything is their fault … ๐Ÿ’” when it’s not …

๐Ÿ’” here are some informative and helpful links ๐Ÿ’”

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: A Bond Made of Selfishness and Coldness

Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers

The Incredible Healing Power of Reddit’s ‘RaisedbyNarcissists’ Support Group

Do You Have A Narcissistic Mother?

8 Common, Long-Lasting Effects of Narcissistic Parenting

What happens when you live in the shadow of a narcissistic parent?

The Invisible War Zone: 5 Ways Children Of Narcissistic Parents Self-Destruct In Adulthood

๐Ÿ’” thank you for reading, following and
commenting ๐Ÿ’”

What makes someone tick who has an ugly and hateful heart? ๐Ÿ’“

Most people love me or they hate me. I could care less, but I wasn’t always so nonchalant.ย  I don’t really like most people, in general, because the majority are not real and use people to get what they want. They put good people down and lie about them to take the focus off themselves and what no good they are up to. I speak, of course, from my own experiences.

People that stoop to those levels do not care who gets hurt in the process as long they get they want and they could care less.

What makes someone that is that ugly and hateful inside tick?

I believe the evil that lies inside those type of people feed off the good hearted human beings like I described.

I also don’t want to hear that they were abused as a child or that they were hurt by the opposite sex and that is what makes them have an ugly heart. I was abused as a child and I am also a SURVIVOR of domestic violence.ย  I’m not that way. I’ve know people that had similar things happen and they didn’t turn out like that! Being abused is no excuse for bad behavior.

There is something evil inside of them anyway for them to hurt others andย  then say they hurt people because they were abused. That’s crap, because they would have been hateful and hurt those people if they’d never been abused, why?ย  Because it’s in their very character. You either have that inside you or you don’t.

The excuse of abuse just takes the responsibility off their shoulders. They are cowards who blame others their shortcomings. That’s what gets my blood boiling!

What also gets me angry is that those evil no goods act like they have a God given right to treat people any way they choose.ย Wtf is that? That is laughable but it’s true and it how dare they!

THEY DON’T HAVE THAT RIGHT!

It’s not okay!

It’s up to us (the people they may target) …

… TO NOT ALLOW anyone to treat us with disrespect.ย 

I have zero tolerance for those type of people. What is the purpose of their existence? Nasty people like that, the ones they show no compassion for others orย  don’t seem to care about others is truly a disgusting as well as PITIFUL site.

MOST GET MAD WHEN YOU CALL THEM PITIFUL OR INSIGNIFICANT.ย 

It is almost humorous, if it wasn’t so damn sad.

No matter how someone looks on the outside, that black heart is enough to make them unattractive and ugly, indeed.

I once thought that everyone thought with the same heart that I did.ย 

Boy, WAS I WRONG!

Not everyone has the same heart I do and that was an extremely hard lesson for me to learn. I thought just because I wouldn’t never screw someone over to hurt them like that but I thought everyone else thought the same way but they don’t!

Judgmental people have ugly hearts, as do abusers, control freaks, unhappy people and the list could go on.

Narcissistic tendencies and behavior, arrogant attitudes and no compassion for others are KEY attributes to one with an ugly heart. As far as I’m concerned, anyone that has a heart that is that unattractive, is evil.ย 

Some more than others, but anyone that will hurt someone else ON PURPOSE is evil any which way you look at it!

It blows my mind that most people these days, seem to have nasty hearts and they hurt others on purpose.ย I just don’t “get” that mindset.ย  They seem to get by with it and I just don’t “get” that, either.

In summary, I just don’t understand anyone that enjoys making others hurt and suffer ~ DO YOU?

I eventually learned how to decipher fake from real.

Time will tell because a person cannot fake being something they aren’t, not for long anyway.ย  They are going to slip up, no doubt about it. Women are more likely to slip up than men, in my opinion. Women are led by emotions, men are not.

PAY ATTENTION … To what your gut tells you inside.

One thing you can bet money on is that they can’t fake it for to long, until their true character appears. Just be patient.

It’s just a matter of WHEN?ย 

I’ve observed that true personalities SHINE THROUGH within three months and take no longer than six months, generally speaking.ย 

However, I’ve known someย  that have taken up to a year before their trueness showed through. Those are the exceptions to the rule.

Those are the ones that you don’t expect and because of that, you end up getting hurt worse.

… Real people recognize other real people and they also recognize who’s NOT real.

It’s a shame, but use caution when meeting someone for the first time. Whether it’s a potential friend or lover, don’t let them fully “in” until at least 3 months have passed. You think your being mean because of that ~ no, you are protecting yourself.

Being able to discern through to people’s true nature is a gift as well as an acquired and learned ability.ย 

It’s actually learned through hard core life situations.ย  It is not something you just automatically know nor is it for the weak minded individual.ย 

Only the strong will survive โœ‹

Have you ever wondered what goes through someone’s mind when they intentionally use and hurt people?

How do they justify it within themselves to make someone’s life miserable – ON PURPOSE – even if just for a moment?

I’m sure it’s because they are miserable within themselves and their own life, which makes them yearn to bring others down around them. They cannot stand to see others around them happy.

Like the cowards they are, with the games they playโœŒ๏ธ they could really push a weaker minded individual over the edge! Big bully’s is are all they are and it’s NOT attractive.

I had to really push through things life threw at me and I did it without making others cry. I never hurt someone on purpose, even when they hurt me.ย  It’s just not me. I have a heart.

Are ugly hearts really that delusional and arrogant to think it’s truly okay to bring others to their knees?

They are disgusting individuals, the cockroaches of society is the perfect description.

Weaklings, because they hide behind and hurt real people with big hearts in order to blend in and to make themselves feel like they are somebody.ย 

They really are transparent when you become gifted in discerning their true nature.

Transparency at it finest ~

They feast on …

people that are going through hard times, weighed down by the weight of their circumstances.

The weak scaredey cats feed on those unfortunate ones and then dive in for the kill. I hate someone being a bully.

That truly pisses me off. I’ve been the victim in something similar before, a few times in my life and it makes my blood boil to see someone being manipulated in that fashion. I am now A SURVIVOR!

Cowards have radar for weakness and they use it to zone in on those that have some weakness BUT it’s not your fault if you fall for their lies ~ the first time! It takes getting burned a few times before you get good at spoting those types when you first met them.ย 

How are you supposed to automatically know, unless your told or shown? I had to learn the hard way, no one gave me a heads up ๐Ÿ˜ž

Hold you head up ~ just proceed with caution.ย 

That’s why I get so upset.ย  Those big fat babies won’t pick on an individual that stands up to them.ย 

Once I began to stand up to these types, their bark is noticably worse than their bite.

I eventually learned how to take those losers down. I will stand up to them now with no problem.ย 

I’m no longer afraid of those with hateful and ugly hearts that hurt on purpose.

My question remains though ~ why do people walk around on eggshells around those type of folks?

They need to be held accountable for their hideous actions, in my opinion and I will call them out on their shit. They hate that and use righteous indignation when you do but I see right through that …


… FINALLY …

Experience leads you to knowledge which gives you the courage and righteous anger with meekness to stand up to them.

Anger is needed to give you the boost to say something to them.ย  Use your righteous anger and meekness does not mean weak like most think.ย  Meekness means …

… STRENGTH UNDER CONTROL …

You will also learn to listen and recognize your gut feeling on any individual orย  situation.

REMEMBER THIS:ย  Your gut feeling will NEVER lie to you.

I have never understood the mentality of Stupidity that enjoys causing emotional pain on purpose. What kind of sick freak does that?

There is just no valid reason for anyone to be hateful and mean toward someone else hurting them simply because they feel the need to in order to feel better about themselves.ย 

Kindness costs nothing and it’s positive, and causes less wrinkles and it’s contagious!

Kindness given to someone makes them happy and in turn it makes that person want to show kindness to someone else!

Be kind to someone today!

๐Ÿ’™ Thank you for reading, commenting, and following ๐Ÿ’š