bitCh watCh ouT fOr me …

Why are you attacking me … because you have no damn right … we are aquaintances at best and just to run your mouth about me when you have no fukkkin clue … It’s gonna put you in a fukkkin plight …

When I tell you that your fukkkin with the wrong bitch … That’s an understatement you better heed my words … Because I’m not the one baby girl to mess with like that … you ain’t gonna know which …

Women like you give females a bad name … I will fukkk your world, make you cry and call you out … You have never seen the likes of me and won’t ever see any the same …

You think your cute with your pencil looking ass … I shake my head and laugh out loud because haters are jealous … Wanting to be me instead … smmfh (shaking my MF head) ๐Ÿค”

My name best not flow from your mouth not once more … It’s not a threat it’s a fukkkin promise … I’m not afraid of anyone at all … I have survived bigger and badder than you … you and your life are insignificant with you regarded as small …

You don’t want this bitch inside me unleashed … bet that little girl … I’m not the type for drama or fake ass hoes … No because do or die … I’m gonna live in peace …

It’s time to pray for your emotional well being and your pride … Don’t play dumb it doesn’t suit your look … You started this deciding it was best to talk about me … your stupidity amplified …

Watch over your shoulder … underestimate me if you choose … Better not let your guard drop … I’m giving you the clues …

To stay away from me and my name and my life and my health … all of that need to be away from your lips … Pray hard little girl because I’m old school hood … It’s gonna be a MF trip …

Haters like you make me STRONG … around town your character has been shadowy and wrong … IDC if you like me or not … but bitch when I come for you … imma take away your pride and what little sanity you got …

No threats it’s just true … I knew your true colors would eventually come out … Females like you are a dime a dozen bet that … Now little girl is your time to pout …

I’m damn sure not afraid … even at my age … to fight you like a man … and now I see why you got beat up … you don’t want to Fukkk with me during my rage … bet that – wassup …

Watch for me little girl … I know how to play the violin with my hand … You may need a serenade one night … while you see me circling… causing you to hurl as you sink into the quicksand ….

Beware I’m just fukkkin crazy enough … to fukkk your world and I’m not gonna stop … I’m old school so you will never see … any damn thing that would make me drop …

Bye bye bitch because … your stupidity shows along with your fakeness … What did you expect when all I heard you can do is call the fukkkin laws … I’m cool like that … bringing it to your awareness …

You are trite, bony and just plain mean, talking about me and I’m sure everyone else … Your guy hits you and I now see why … Be concerned with your own overlooked skinny ass health … Don’t you even fukkkin want to know why …

Bye bye bye I’m feeling better than I was … Bitches like you ain’t nothing to me … and that is just because … You ain’t right YET damn I’m free!!!

ยฉchellesrawthoughts

summary
This written after a hater told someone crap about me … When she doesn’t have a clue about me does not know me … because if they tell one person fake crap about you they will tell another the same … She’s disrespectful, weak, cowardly and gonna be bait because I’m gonna take her down it’s in her fate …
๐Ÿ’Thank you for reading commenting and following๐Ÿ™Œ
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๐Ÿ’งmemories … roll down my cheeks๐Ÿ’ง

โšก this post focuses on the fall of 2013, when we lost our home. My son, who was 15 at the time, was forced to move in with his two friends from school and their mom, because of a personal tragedy. I was so thankful they did and I know that God gave them to my son to help him during this pivotal time in his young life. There were rumors spreading faster than the speed of sound about me, in our small rural town. I was called every name in the book and made to feel as if I didn’t care about my son or the house I lost. What nobody saw or understood was that we both had lost our whole life. It was horrific at best. I had to leave town that following January and I moved to a larger town close by. I went to the homeless shelter there to try to pick up the broken and shattered pieces of our life.

๐Ÿ’‘ This is our story …

.. … dedicated to my amazing son, who is graduating ๐ŸŽ“ this month and the tragedy he faced that started the domino effect, through the obstacles he pushed through on his journey ๐Ÿƒeven after his fathers unexpected death ๐Ÿ‘ค he pressed on ๐Ÿ‘ฒ until the present day ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿš’ This poem focuses on how this bittersweet victory shows how determination ๐ŸŽ“ true love ๐ŸŒช๏ธ and heartache can anchor your soul ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐ŸŽ“ driving you to succeed ๐Ÿ™ against all odds ๐ŸŽ“

“… memories … roll down my cheeks …”

Remembering those memories from before …… of his tiny hands and feet, smiling baby cheeks, and as I remember more memories I picture … his chubby face – full of table food smears, birthday cakes and summer slides, of course popsicles – loved by all …. year after year …

Disdainfully, I cringe away from those dark painful thoughts – feeling a tight knot form in my throat … from hateful impressions … molded by haters … Who saw me as naught ……

The measure of unfathomed love inside me – would have filled close to one thousand worlds …

“my son was my smile simply because … I dreamed him into being, long before he was born ...”

but smiles fade … life’s tests and trials find you and you have no option but to maintain – otherwise there would be nothing to gain …

For reasons I can’t imagine – but liars … haters galore wouldn’t leave my mind … stress magnified probably close to one million times … I was unable to show my heart through my actions not even through my life – it wouldn’t have mattered – haters never care about the truth if they believe they see – they just hate – then lie, so … nobody at all tried to see, just how precious my baby boy was to me.

Our safety – our midnight talks, our schedule – my washing your socks – our dream – EVERYTHING THAT WE’D KNOWN – was gone – stolen outright … just like that – our life was forever removed – those cowards don’t know me but one day they will see – I damn sure will have something to prove …

After that monumental criminal attack – I didn’t allow anyone passage into my heart – not my soul – haters – fakers – thru and thru … users – because of them – I was beginning to grow cold …

.. Remembering precious memories before … of his many first days at school ~ the best outfits we could afford, the happiest of smiles and silly giggles and the joy I felt for him …

I never dreamed of what would soon come our way … years away … It would never

again be okay …

… in fact … suddenly …

… Smiles turned upside down, whirling and spiraling into the summer night breeze …

… transforming into fear, future time would realize that quick separation is near … stunned in the sense that life was unfair –

… crushed under the blanket of confusion mixed with frightened tears …

There was to be no relief in sight … no solace … after our smiles were reversed … I prayed to HIM “please lift this curse …”

” … If only I had known …”

What in the hell – if I would have known then – wtf would I do?

… Remembering memories before … of the beginning teenage years – the person he was yet to be – yet the baby that was right here – staring with his trusting eyes – looking straight at me ...

… Remembering …

… It hurts …

… it’s killing me that I am the cause – of our dream shutting down … I hurt him with my addiction and then … this had to happen to us and just take more away – my boy did nothing that deserved his life to be extinguished that day …
it’s painful to look back – yet … those memories … from years before … were all that I had about our life – that I still adored

I miss the life that was ruthlessly … viciously taken from us and it’s safe to say – I feel like my son probably feels the same way …

I’m not sure if I will ever be free – of the cloud holding – guilt, regret and pain – it comes around less often than it did at the start … I never wanted pity – I totally feel – deserving of those freaks – riding that cloud – ever since my son and I had … no choice but to part …

Suffocating … I cannot breathe as my heart constricts from intense gouging pains – while I recall …

cherished recollections …

… from priceless moments before …

chains from unmemorized tunes … playing furiously in the silent night mist …

Complete brokenness

Regret …

Guilt …

Tears …

Self hate …

… I was beginning to feel the pain leave quite slow … from times featuring minor dull aching thuds – crashing through my defenses – holding back several tons of undiscovered tears …

Frightened … foreboding heaviness – black hearts that clinch my soul …

… penetrating … sliding gracefully … closer … until it settles into the core of your essence … Crippling emotional pain โ€ฆ

โ€ฆ awakens โ€ฆ

… my sOuL …

“God” she cried, as her tear stained face looked up – toward the late night eerie sky …

Please don’t let my little boy lose his love for me …”

She knew he would be moving out soon, there was no other choice – her stomach churned violently – thoughts swarming her brain … Of far away wishes, prayers and dreams … haters would soon claim their win …

~ avoidance – was futile ~

… God saw it best to take my sweet boy away … from my care … soon after that …

It was for his best – I was aware – grateful I was – for the angel family that came from God … I knew that I wanted my boy to stay – “no option dammit” I cried inside – it was for his best – he would be safe, I knew … in their care …

that didn’t stop me from dying inside and feeling …

slicing pain – carefully imploding … behind the space reserved … wait … “he can’t be alone – I can’t either, I need him to much” was her silent, screaming – loud heart’s cry โค๏ธ

ringing – echoing in her head like a trumpet blast …

“Ohhh please Lord … go with him … please keep him free … from heart pain – give it all to melet him be free to be all he can be …”

Gripped in the throes of unnatural fate … Never before had she felt this disgrace …

She almost broke down and felt torn apart but how much more pain – her boy must have felt and was surely in fear … surely he was wanting his mom … he had to be scared … thinking with that fear – simply because she was no longer here …

How could she hold up … after she’d allowed his world to be … ripped … ferociously into shreds – she would somehow make it right …praying hard … with all of her might – praying and pleading … hoping God would agree …

She never again turned to drugs – not after her heart was ripped savagely away, don’t you see … of course rumors flew through town – I was doing everything … cowards cried – from drugs to only God knows what else … to myself I would say – after hearing those lies – I could not fall again – I wouldn’t have him hurting because I’d let him down …

“… not after this – I would from now on refrain …”

UNBEARABLE WAS THIS PAIN – FILLING HER WITH DREAD …

She silently promised her son … that she loved him beyond infinity plus one …

I would do anything to make it right …”

“I never should’ve invited the devil in our home of dreams – I was played well … I never recognized the evil scheme …”

Fear and regret were partners in crime

… attacking me …

… haunting my mind … bringing confusion – confusion brought guilt – guilt filled me with pain … apparently the poison from that beat me down more – yet again …

As she dissolved into tears … Feeling herself break inside, she would never be the same … But in her heart she claimed, that her boy wouldn’t go through this hell “not in vain” … “How would I manage” … she didn’t have a clue … she was shutting down … inside paralyzed … such raw emotions had demolished her sOuL …

“I cannot stand this God … please let this all be a bad dream”

– Signs of the trauma showed all over her face – could be felt by her body actually – she needed some encouragement to help plead her case …

My precious sweet son – I make you this promise that I will hold you inside – so very tight until the time arrives – when you and I reunite and choose together where to live and what school would you like – find a girlfriend and have her over a few times a week – maybe start a real family game night … Until then, my son, please don‘t depart – stay with me … inside – because …

“You are forever… enclosed in my heart”๐Ÿ’–

he is close by … in my heart …

my heart slowly cracked – just enough and the broken pieces were not thrown away … but … they hardened inside – there was only one thing that I knew would work – and that meant get down on my knees and pray …

… instead – those enhanced pieces of hardened heart – of far away taunts – unspeakable whispers – telling tales …

… creative yet silent muses – restless anxiety sprang forth in a soft misty spray – while … ignoring the dark places – we had just barely survived – the hell I let inside … swirling thoughts in a whirlwind cloud …

... patiently, I wait – “go away crazy jumbled thoughts” … I’m shaky … while being carried away – by ping pong ideas – animated – not making sense –

I had to gather myself and respectfully utter thanks … I didn’t know then … that our reunion would never take place …

… noone has a clue – the extent of our pain – that was felt intensely – that very dark day … massive guilt covered me – sticking around – weighing close to one thousand pounds …

Missing his face … hurting so bad because I knew – he was better off without me in his life … hateful dark thoughts – unnerved me – taunting me with words that said – I didn’t deserve a place in his life … I didn’t deserve to even be alive …

though I believed – those black thoughts were right – I pushed through daily – ignoring the shame – still nothing came through – no job – nothing at all … but … I couldn’t give up nor would I give in – it was hard as hell – I felt very small …

… during those next few – quite challenging yet detestable years …I never could seem to get up – in this world I feared …

REGRET still haunts me – I miss my precious baby – I love him sooo …

tears … guilt … pain … fear …

filled up my time during the next few years …

Memories … Remembering …

The hate she’d gone through for those haters she’d see … would prove that she had no choice, but to be tough and proceed …

… Remembering memories before … they would sneak passed my eyes slide down over my cheeks, only to be wiped away …

never to be forgotten …

… Regret is a pain that NEVER goes away. I live with it every day …

I own all my wrongs – I just would like this chance – for his permission, you see – for my boy to get to know me … again …

… the real me …

… The woman I am now is who he should have had – as a mom – I have such a desire and hard drive to show him

… how I can inspire and still be …

… who I should have been all along …

“… Do I dare hope?”

… Now, my baby is all grown up handling a busy life of his own …

… my love has NEVER changed from that very first memory day … that started from home … I hope my son knows this – I’ve loved him fiercely ever since he’s been gone …

… Although my feelings may not have been shown …

… in order to completely stake my claim, considering I’m grown …

…. OMG screw haters that say I’d been spouting off lies … sleeping around … smoking dope – I am so sick of being accused – of things I don’t do – just because I was an addict – I’m not allowed to be believed – just judged – juryed – and convicted … “Don’t y’all see, how unfair that can be” … “They wouldn’t see the truth – if it was right in front of their eyes” … “All I want is to be away from haters, cutthroats and folks that are mean – I want to be free …”

… Damn these thoughts …

Demons of emotional disorders, addiction and violence plagued me … through the years … he needed me most …

… That’s why I took all the violent abuse – that showed up in my life … from different people and in distinct harmful ways … I just tried to survive …

SELF DESTRUCTION

Everyone, including myself, thought I’d gotten what I deserved … Still, I catch guilt … It tries to pull me vehemently – away from his heart …

Ohhh God I MISS HIM SO BAD

REMEMBERING

… I just wasn’t the mother I wanted to be or the mom he certainly deserved – but … I silently craved myself to be …

The love in my heart for him, during challenges of past – would hold onto him – through all the stars that the sky did surpass …

“Most have said that I didn’t care because of the road I mistakingly chose to travel … and that’s why our tragedy took place … smfh … It was because I helped the wrong one but I thought I was doing it right …

“But, they didn’t know me nor did they care to see the real me inside – saying hateful things … they were judgemental and assuming – when … all I did was care – so damn much inside …

Where no one could see …

“My sweet baby boy, I will hold you forever … on the inside of me” โค

“CONGRATULATIONS SON”

๐Ÿ’‘ This is my amazing son – my heart baby boy, you have all it takes – to be a success at anything you set out to accomplish, there is no doubt. Always believe in yourself – no matter what anyone else may say. You are blessed dear son and you are so smart, funny, sweet, sensitive, determined, loyal, respectful and all around a very cool guy! The definition of “character” is this: the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. “The concept of character can imply a variety of attributes including the existence of virtues such as empathy, courage, fortitude, honesty, and loyalty, or of good behaviors or habits.”
That definition describes you baby boy! That makes me so proud! Most people, of any age, are sorely lacking these coveted character traits. I’m so proud of you Kennodie, you are and will always be my hero!!! I’m honored to be your mom and although it took a village to raise you – LoL ๐Ÿ˜€ you went above and beyond any expectations that any of us could have ever imagined for you! I know your Daddy is bragging to everyone in heaven about his awesome son! You have your entire life in front of you and I have no doubt that God will continue to bless you beyond your wildest dreams! ๐Ÿ’‘ Know that your Moms heart is overflowing with so much love that is just for you. I will ALWAYS be here for you, I’m a phone call away and maybe you can call me more often ๐Ÿ˜

Sweetheart โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’›

I love you to the Moon and back through to infinity plus one!!!

๐Ÿ˜Š Please LIKE my FB page dedicated to my babies – MISSING MY BABIES

I have 3 kids and 4 grands ๐Ÿ’œ my son is the baby of the family!

๐Ÿ’™ Thank you for reading, commenting and following ๐Ÿ’š

What makes someone who has an ugly and hateful heart ๐Ÿ’“ tick?

Most people love me or they hate me. I could care less, but I wasn’t always so nonchalant.ย  I don’t really like most people, in general, because the majority are not real and use people to get what they want. They put good people down and lie about them to take the focus off themselves and what no good they are up to. I speak, of course, from my own experiences.

People that stoop to those levels do not care who gets hurt in the process as long they get they want and they could care less.

What makes someone that is that ugly and hateful inside tick?

I believe the evil that lies inside those type of people feed off the good hearted human beings like I described.

I also don’t want to hear that they were abused as a child or that they were hurt by the opposite sex and that is what makes them have an ugly heart. I was abused as a child and I am also a SURVIVOR of domestic violence.ย  I’m not that way. I’ve know people that had similar things happen and they didn’t turn out like that! Being abused is no excuse for bad behavior.

There is something evil inside of them anyway for them to hurt others andย  then say they hurt people because they were abused. That’s crap, because they would have been hateful and hurt those people if they’d never been abused, why?ย  Because it’s in their very character. You either have that inside you or you don’t.

The excuse of abuse just takes the responsibility off their shoulders. They are cowards who blame others their shortcomings. That’s what gets my blood boiling!

What also gets me angry is that those evil no goods act like they have a God given right to treat people any way they choose.ย Wtf is that? That is laughable but it’s true and it how dare they!

THEY DON’T HAVE THAT RIGHT!

It’s not okay!

It’s up to us (the people they may target) …

… TO NOT ALLOW anyone to treat us with disrespect.ย 

I have zero tolerance for those type of people. What is the purpose of their existence? Nasty people like that, the ones they show no compassion for others orย  don’t seem to care about others is truly a disgusting as well as PITIFUL site.

MOST GET MAD WHEN YOU CALL THEM PITIFUL OR INSIGNIFICANT.ย 

It is almost humorous, if it wasn’t so damn sad.

No matter how someone looks on the outside, that black heart is enough to make them unattractive and ugly, indeed.

I once thought that everyone thought with the same heart that I did.ย 

Boy, WAS I WRONG!

Not everyone has the same heart I do and that was an extremely hard lesson for me to learn. I thought just because I wouldn’t never screw someone over to hurt them like that but I thought everyone else thought the same way but they don’t!

Judgmental people have ugly hearts, as do abusers, control freaks, unhappy people and the list could go on.

Narcissistic tendencies and behavior, arrogant attitudes and no compassion for others are KEY attributes to one with an ugly heart. As far as I’m concerned, anyone that has a heart that is that unattractive, is evil.ย 

Some more than others, but anyone that will hurt someone else ON PURPOSE is evil any which way you look at it!

It blows my mind that most people these days, seem to have nasty hearts and they hurt others on purpose.ย I just don’t “get” that mindset.ย  They seem to get by with it and I just don’t “get” that, either.

In summary, I just don’t understand anyone that enjoys making others hurt and suffer ~ DO YOU?

I eventually learned how to decipher fake from real.

Time will tell because a person cannot fake being something they aren’t, not for long anyway.ย  They are going to slip up, no doubt about it. Women are more likely to slip up than men, in my opinion. Women are led by emotions, men are not.

PAY ATTENTION … To what your gut tells you inside.

One thing you can bet money on is that they can’t fake it for to long, until their true character appears. Just be patient.

It’s just a matter of WHEN?ย 

I’ve observed that true personalities SHINE THROUGH within three months and take no longer than six months, generally speaking.ย 

However, I’ve known someย  that have taken up to a year before their trueness showed through. Those are the exceptions to the rule.

Those are the ones that you don’t expect and because of that, you end up getting hurt worse.

… Real people recognize other real people and they also recognize who’s NOT real.

It’s a shame, but use caution when meeting someone for the first time. Whether it’s a potential friend or lover, don’t let them fully “in” until at least 3 months have passed. You think your being mean because of that ~ no, you are protecting yourself.

Being able to discern through to people’s true nature is a gift as well as an acquired and learned ability.ย 

It’s actually learned through hard core life situations.ย  It is not something you just automatically know nor is it for the weak minded individual.ย 

Only the strong will survive โœ‹

Have you ever wondered what goes through someone’s mind when they intentionally use and hurt people?

How do they justify it within themselves to make someone’s life miserable – ON PURPOSE – even if just for a moment?

I’m sure it’s because they are miserable within themselves and their own life, which makes them yearn to bring others down around them. They cannot stand to see others around them happy.

Like the cowards they are, with the games they playโœŒ๏ธ they could really push a weaker minded individual over the edge! Big bully’s is are all they are and it’s NOT attractive.

I had to really push through things life threw at me and I did it without making others cry. I never hurt someone on purpose, even when they hurt me.ย  It’s just not me. I have a heart.

Are ugly hearts really that delusional and arrogant to think it’s truly okay to bring others to their knees?

They are disgusting individuals, the cockroaches of society is the perfect description.

Weaklings, because they hide behind and hurt real people with big hearts in order to blend in and to make themselves feel like they are somebody.ย 

They really are transparent when you become gifted in discerning their true nature.

Transparency at it finest ~

They feast on,

people that are going through hard times, weighed down by the weight of their circumstances.

The weak scaredey cats feed on those unfortunate ones and then dive in for the kill. I hate someone being a bully.

That truly pisses me off. I’ve been the victim in something similar before, a few times in my life and it makes my blood boil to see someone being manipulated in that fashion.

Cowards have radar for weakness and they use it to zone in on those that have some weakness BUT it’s not your fault if you fall for their lies ~ the first time! It takes getting burned a few times before you get good at spoting those types when you first met them.ย 

How are you supposed to automatically know, unless your told or shown? I had to learn the hard way, no one gave me a heads up ๐Ÿ˜ž

Hold you head up ~ just proceed with caution.ย 

That’s why I get so upset.ย  Those big fast babies won’t pick on an individual that stands up to them.ย 

Once I began to stand up to these types, their bark is noticably worse than their bite.

I eventually learned how to take those losers down. I will stand up to them now with no problem.ย 

I’m no longer afraid of those with hateful and ugly hearts that hurt on purpose.

My question remains though ~ why do people walk around on eggshells around those type of folks?

They need to be held accountable for their hideous actions, in my opinion and I will call them out on their shit. They hate that and use righteous indignation when you do but I see right through that,

… FINALLY …

Experience leads you to knowledge which gives you the courage and righteous anger with meekness to stand up to them.

Anger is needed to give you the boost to say something to them.ย  Use your righteous anger and meekness does not mean weak like most think.ย  Meekness means …

… STRENGTH UNDER CONTROL

You will also learn to listen and recognize your gut feeling on any individual orย  situation.

REMEMBER THIS:ย  Your gut feeling will NEVER lie to you.

I have never understood the mentality of Stupidity that enjoys causing emotional pain on purpose. What kind of sick freak does that?

There is just no valid reason for anyone to be hateful and mean toward someone else hurting them simply because they feel the need to in order to feel better about themselves.ย 

Kindness costs nothing and it’s positive, and causes less wrinkles and it’s contagious!

Kindness given to someone makes them happy and in turn it makes that person want to show kindness to someone else!

Be kind to someone today!

๐Ÿ’™ Thank you for reading, commenting, and following ๐Ÿ’š

๐Ÿ’„ COMPLETELY ME ๐Ÿ‘ 

People mistakingly believe ~ thinking they know me, because of what I show ~ it has to be true ~ they love to gossip and make fun … while passing judgement on what they see and think they know ~ but all they REALLY know, is what I show … because BITCHES I’m in control …

I’m so much more than they can see … Never can I allow them to see …

COMPLETELY ME …

I made the mistake, when I was so young ~ to trust a little to easily … I learned quite fast that people suck ~ that’s why there’s but one that cared enough for me ~ to go through the darkness and slay the dragons for me

So ~ he’s the only one I show the real me … Because always with him I’m

COMPLETELY ME …

It pains me deep inside that some see me ONLY as a bitch, a slut, no good, lazy, stupid, a problem, a burden or they think I just don’t care

When …

All I do is care. Not what people think so much, but care that I’m seen for MY heart, not MY mistakes …

I cared to much and years ago that almost broke my soul,

And still now … I care … But the hardness I learned to use to cover it up … Masks me now, so … THEY CAN NEVER SEE …

COMPLETELY ME …

I was hurt to much, by fake souls acting like they should be close to me. They ruined it for all, with one exception you see ~ my tough exterior will never show them what I don’t want them to see ~ because all they will ever be allowed to see, is what I show … because BITCHES I’m in control!

They don’t have permission to see, the complete me or the me I was always supposed to be. I’m NOT GOING TO ALLOW THEM ~ TO HURT ANYMORE OF ME ๐Ÿ‘  There’s only one allowed inside of me ~ just so he can see and that’s my soulmate that’s free ~ free to see EVERY part of me ~ because always with him I’m

COMPLETELY ME!

The hard exterior I aquired, in order to be, came at a heavy price you see, so the softness inside … could not be crushed one more time.

Because, I only show them what I want them to see …

Because I’m so much more than anyone is allowed to see … They do not deserve to see … the me I was supposed to be … it’s all about him being able to see … Because always with him I’m

COMPLETELY ME …

Not many have made it past the hardness that’s shielding me ~ only a handful in reality ~ because only a few deserved to remain with me ~ because they can hang with me ~ be loyal to me and those who can’t … Who can never see ~ the me I was always supposed to be? The main population indeed was never going to deserve ~

COMPLETELY ME!

I can be sensitive, sweet, stubborn, goofy, quick to forgive, discerning, and even sometimes afraid. The last few came with time and deep pain …

Shouldn’t I show only certain parts of me, that the hardness hides of me? But it won’t change the fact ~ that I won’t allow any to see … The me that I was supposed to be …

But ~ always with him I’m

… completely me

Others see bits of what I permit them to see. So, call me names or talk bad about me because although I do care ~ never will you see, the reality of me … To be able to get past and inside of me because there is only that one ~ that is free to see ~ because always with him I’m …

COMPLETELY ME …

THERE’S JUST SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN I ALLOW ANYONE TO SEE …

Only my best friend and beyond is free ~ to hang with me …

People pretend to care and it’s plain to me ~ it’s for vicious reasons you see ~

That no one cares

because of greed and jealousy ~ however in reality ~ no one really cares about you nor do they care about me … unless by magic and grace the true angels appear …

Those precious few that stick close, are the ones that you don’t have to fear and you shall allow them to be ~ keepers of the keys to your soul indeed ~ so the the fake ones won’t see ~ so never again will you show anyone but him … Because

Always with him I’m …

COMPLETELY ME …

Those angels are rare … Don’t let them go, hold onto them tightly ~ Mine are precious to me ~ my angels … They are down for me ~ Those angels are very few you see and there’s only one that can ever see.

Completely me …

If you don’t know me ~ and all you see, is a mask hiding a big part of me … Don’t be surprised because indeed you won’t need ~ to actually see ~ the me that I’m supposed to be.

Once you care enough to climb over my walls and dig in with me, I’m loyal to mine, and when they’re loyal to me …

That’s when they will see, completely ME.

๐Ÿ‘“ This post touches on people’s hurts and the walls they put up after being hurt, whether it’s emotionally or physically ~ when this happens they usually shut everyone out, especially if they have been hurt time and again, but if they are blessed, they have that one person who they let in … A lover, friend, sibling, etc … In my case, it is my best friend and beyond ~ my soulmate … I hope this brings hope that even though people suck … Don’t give up on finding one that you can 100% trust.

LIKE my fb page dedicated to my BEST FRIEND AND BEYOND (because he’s beyond a best friend with benefits)

๐Ÿ’™ Thank you for reading, commenting and following ๐Ÿ’œ

remembering alone

In my world, I sit and I remember … long ago days – days that don’t even seem real to me now.

Was that me? I can’t picture me in that situation – Yes, that’s me. How did I ever live through that?

It feels like someone else lived that life, but no, it was me … I remember.

I’ve grown inside and past days no longer bring hurt, but they have brought self awareness, while showing me how much I’ve grown on the inside …

… as I remember …

… Forever … That’s what it felt like ~ like it took me forever, to grow inside and be at peace within my soul.

Older now, there’s so damn much I lost way back then – but after a while – it would take years – I gained myself in return, once I made the first step to search for myself and maybe one day soon, that will all balance out …

… future hope …

Sighing deeply, I know that everything happens for a reason. We may or may not know what that reason is but mark my words

… and trust this fact …

…there is a reason for everything we go through.

( … we go through challenges in life, not for ourselves but to help other people that may be in a situation we were once in …)

Remembering … I lost almost everything I had back then … Hopelessly younger and yet producing invalid resolutions –

Sadness always trying to overwhelm my soul, because you see … I’m now finally becoming me. The me I was always supposed to be! My babies don’t know me and know them I do not

– not yet –

We could start fresh – it’s possible and yes – I want them to know the me I just found – the me I am now – this really cool me, that should have always been around – for both of my kids …

I’m finally me ~ that means I’m free – free deep inside of me and that pain has a key – and that key would be – the key that would keep me quite safe from reprieve.

Looking back, I was just grateful then – for getting out with my sanity and my life. I seriously can’t see clearly who that person is – who lived with my name back then that loved her children so small in each of their tales however, different then!

Why does it have to be me that does without her heart? That’s what they are – my heart – People saw me wrong, they always did, so what did I ever do so bad that this LOSS would be my punishment? Living with the thought of losing them for real – was the closest thing to hell on earth that I ever did feel … and with folks whispering hatefully in secret, thinking I would not hear, as they died how sorry I was. Rumors exploded telling the tale – that I never loved those kids and became the favorite mantra and jeer! That was NOT THE CASE, no matter the scenario or what took place … I loved my children more than anything in this world – I screamed to them all, as I pleaded my case.

My actions proved to be the catalyst for haters to grasp, clutching the reins, stating to all that I was a complete disgrace.

smdh …

how I made it through doesn’t matter at all but more importantly was this – how did those two, especially my son, get through the pain of me being gone … and did he feel that I no longer cared? The knowledge inside that he may – crushes my spirit that is life, because my love for him … Knows no bounds …

That is what keeps me awake late at night – i would wonder with tears that are stuck in my throat – the pain his little heart carried around, with fear close by – why was his mom not here by his side?

I remember regretfully that those needed lessons I learned – had taken years to sink through to where my integrity lived – for them to be embedded and placed deep in my soul.

It took longer still, for me to believe and also trust that those lessons learned … Maybe could somehow fix – any mistakes that had come, mostly being born from my biggest conflicts.

the wait was quite long for me to accept, forgive then love, the me that belonged – that me belonged here instead of this me … through the maze that I did see ~ searching my way – as though I was blind, yet I prayed so hard so that it could just blow his little mind ..

… Still longer it took … For me to learn how to finally love the true me I had found – IDK how I lived, through the pain of losing my heart and the fear settling in … Once – not to long ago – I embraced the pain that was raw from thoughts of my kids – mainly my son – I begged God that he would not lose the love or the trust … He had just for me …

… tears slowly remembering the path of the pain – with vivid recollection of those long ago days – I would have sold my soul to evil if it would have brought him to live with me, but in that pit, inside of me, that was to deep it seems – may get the better of me. I felt in my heart with my gut saying how true – thinking to myself, how little I knew wondering maybe inside how I was feeling would be – pretty hard to face – yet still my tears fell, streaking it all but with precision and grace.

My baby … I needed to state would probably be better off without me. I knew he was way better off – without me. I’d forever been told what a bad parent I’d be, in the months and years before that – it was drilled in my head – I was no good and was trash. I was also informed I would never, not ever, amount to much …

Nobody knows my soul or my heart including my measure of pain – How much I cried for my son in the earliest days … I sensed within – I needed to pick myself up and never fall –
not ever again.

It may take me years, I eerily thought
Facing the fact, that I must go on – a self awareness search for me – the me I was supposed to have been then, indeed! Locating the space inside me – where forgiveness was just a central trait, yes I did see – where acceptance would rule saving me in part – Falling in love with the me – I would be for my two precious hearts. I could start my self journey right away –
I had to take these steps yet I wasn’t quite sure – but wherever it may lead – ever how long it may take – doesn’t matter unless my baby boy can see …
and what I for him, my very own son, doesn’t show most times – as we know because it’s hiding behind a great wall we both know. My wall keeps pain born out of guilt, overseeing and keeping it from sticking like filth …

“as my sOuL cries …”

while inside – I’m moving forward, so that there will not be one doubt – in my son’s fragile mind and also his heart – as life seems to know nothing – but rushing about. My journey unfolds – I’m in awe you see – the life flavors he catches with clarity – he can actually see …

… Me. The me I now show and in showing control and having never let go – this me is way more cherished, more than diamonds or gold! I was like a sponge, soaking in a hot steamy tub and … then I was seeing all I could see –

I had finally gained more than self control over sadness, depression and HIV – ADHD coming from the rear, diabetes 2 stands away from the others so near, also my eyes and I have been told – are legally blind – yet COPD laughs saying … Don’t forget mine! Those do not define anything that I am … As long as I can love, truly love me – there’s nothing else I care about except self love for myself …

UNCONDITIONALLY

Me loving me was the hardest thing – hardest thing I would ever do – I recalled that pain flowing heavily from my eyes … In loving the me that was causing this strife – I ached for those babies in that awful past space – to please forgive the me who just didn’t know … A person born with a dazed and crazy brain also having a mom that certainly kept me in pain. It was never about me, and the only way I could push through and survive – no matter what my baby was told … all I ever did – was cry inside – begging God for those kids to refrain, from turning ice cold …

Time … it’s a precious gift I know now … we can never replace it once it passes … it never comes back –

Always remember that and think twice – pray hard and remember to Whom you belong!

I’m at peace inside of the real me today, although I think back to those days filled with fear – I’m not that me, not anymore … but hints of misery and from being afraid – taught me bright brutal truths that I would never – again ignore

No – I would never ignore … No – not anymore …

I had to maintain control of my emotions no doubt, guilt was heavy with feelings and wanting to shout – I was grieving the loss of my son while he’s still around. No wonder I felt like I deserved abuse, that I would receive in future rounds . Once, just recently I’ve seen – how it feels to finally be free, from guilt and crushing pain slamming down on top of me. I struggle daily because of the fact that I need for my hero, my son is for him to see – and that is my heart, through all of the steps that I managed to take … moving toward loving myself – in spite of the hurt I held like a pro – the sweetest little boy who grew up in front of my eyes: from my small son who I hold treasured memories for … to the 19 year old

that has made me so proud

I once begged God to please let me live, just long enough for my kids to see – being open inside for my wishes indeed – knowing how my son is just like me – no matter what he may tell himself to believe. My actions have shown now recently – I want the real me to make him perceive and discern that I am finally the me I should be.

Please let him draw close and feel comfortable and see without putting pressure on any part of the scene … I want him to see in the past and just this once let my love be a giant force while earning his trust.

I realized I was grieving my son though he were still alive and the guilt that I housed would infect me instead. He would need to know, much later on, when he was grown wondering what he’d done wrong for me to be gone. He may wonder – Did she miss me and did she cry for me as I did for her?

God allow him to know – while no doubts would be shown – I’d done everything that was expected of me. I knew little that I was supposed do and that entire time he was separated from me … Through mistakes and past wrongs showing to all – my actions were saying one thing and I hid away the other, pressing through, despite being hated on times ten … God, please let my baby boy love me again.

I missed him greatly, with a pain he’d never know – could she keep herself from showing her indifference? She glowed …

with the thought that Kenno, in the days that will come – would be shown her heart – that missed him – her prayer was actively answered indeed – he was going to be blessed to unveil the big plea, that he’s facing his freedom that was overshadowing me!

Yes, every night for years long past, I would cry heavy tears with gut wrenching pain – slicing through to the midst speaking prayers for God to take my son’s hurt for it to never remain.
I cried when I would think of you – innocent and sweet – how blatantly uncool for his mom to forsake.

I’m writing this so my heart and actions be shown – to my baby boy who is super smart – while deep down he discerned his mom’s moves way back at the start – and knew instantly the love she held tightly for him – never left her feelings as long as baby boy was at peace, since he finally knew, all those years ago, mom was more frightened than me? She loved me no matter what her past actions would show? And it would appear that she was not cold blooded I knowI FINALLY see and discern just for me, that she truly – to the Moon and back – really loved me!

Memories come alive …

~ animated in my head ~

tears are streaking silently down my face … I’m focusing on impressions from long ago grace … and as I sit quietly – in my own little world, I remember this and a whole lot more …

I do know this – I know this for sure, since my son finally admitted to loving me more!

I remember …

that I hate … remembering …

… remembering alone …

;-(

… thankfully when this all took place – the deep thinking – awareness thoughts – were within God’s grace!

โค๏ธI’m referring to my son (or when I briefly mention my kids) when I talk about “my heart …”

๐Ÿ’™ Read “my SouL cries” (part one is the link) … a three part series to completely understand ME and what’s up!

๐Ÿ’œ Like my fb page that I created because I miss my babies!

โค๏ธ Thank you for reading, commenting, and following ๐Ÿ’š

Where does that strength come from?๐Ÿ’ช

Strength is something you are born with but it takes challenging situations for it to be mastered enough that you can pull just enough out of you to make it just a bit further down the road your traveling, when you don’t think you can go any further.

It seems the more you go through in life, the more strength you aquire through challenges faced from those adversities.

Have you just ever taken a moment to yourself to say, “how did I ever make it through that”? It’s because you don’t feel strong after those rough journeys that you conquered, but you know you had to have found the strength somewhere just to have pulled through.

I’m amazed at the resilience I’ve had when facing some of the darkest times in my life. Of course, you don’t notice that when your in the middle of going through them, but only afterwards, is it crystal clear that you had barely made it through. How did you do that? The only answer I could come up with is, “I just did”. You did it because you had no other option, you had to find the strength and your soul find it, unbeknownst to you.

I’ve been in the bathroom, looking in the mirror with tears running down my face, begging myself to stop crying when I was hurting so much I could barely stand it. That is pain, horrible, searing pain that was almost uncontrollable. But somehow, after several minutes, I was able to stop crying and gather myself together the best way I could. That took strength, a LOT of strength, that had to come from a place so deep inside, to push through all that pain.

Next time, be aware of your feelings and the challenging situation your facing. Look back and notice the strength you’ve exhibited throughout that situation, several different times. It takes a lot for an individual to display that type of strength.

We don’t give ourselves enough credit for being a hero in our own lives. It takes a real hero to handle what we have had to handle. Otherwise, we would remain broken and miserable in our daily lives, never getting past the challenges that life is going to throw at us.

Hold onto that deep down faith that’s inside your very bones. No matter what God won’t let you give up, even when you feel like you want to.

So love yourself for protecting yourself and for ultimately saving yourself. You are a very strong person. Embrace that about yourself today. Be your own hero and let God be the Leader in your life.

๐Ÿ’ช Leave your comments about your own journey and how you were your own hero!

Caught between struggling and serenity

I’m in a place that is serene mixed with disarray. I wonder if anyone else understands what I mean by that?

I am I’m the process of learning a lot about myself for the first time in my life and it’s an incredible experience, I must say! It’s scary yet it is very surreal as well.

I’m dealing with a few health issues at the moment.ย  Adult ADHD which is undiagnosed and untreated, diabetes 2, COPD, and that’s it for now. I’m also in the process of quitting smoking. I’ve got a lot going on and the progression of the ADHD had gotten worse over the last few months and it’s been very difficult to live with.

I’m not very old and in my mind I’m very young but I suppose in the general scheme of things, I’m aging but I know where it counts, I won’t ever grow up, thankfully! I try daily to be positive and focus on helping myself and others.

Life is full of surprises that’s for sure and if your not paying close attention you may miss the lessons you are supposed to learn. I know I missed a lot in my life I was supposed to learn because I wasn’t listening. I’m just thankful that I learned any lessons at all. I was a late learner, but at least I didn’t quit until I learned and gained wisdom. My best friend and guy helps me a lot and I suppose I’m too dependent on him but he handles me like a champ.

So, this crossroads is a weird place to get in life but I can feel it’s very necessary in order to move forward. I’m just reaping what I had sown in the past. Bad decisions can ruin your life.

Is this something I can bounce back from? I wonder this deeply inside, God, I hope so because I have the faith inside that I can. I don’t know where it comes from but it is always there. Not allowing me to quit.

I’m apprehensive now because I know I’m very fragile emotionally.ย  I’m good in general; however, I just need to be aware of that fact and be gentle with myself. (We tend the be hard on ourselves and that could keep us from moving forward in and itself, so watch how you treat yourself. Others abuse us, please don’t abuse yourself too).ย  I will have too get through this, somehow.

Sheer determination grips my heart โค๏ธ showing me that it is in control. I can’t sleep but I can write and focus on answering questions on QUORA and promoting my blog in hopes to make money soon with it.ย  I’m driven, hard, even in the throes of insomnia.ย  It helps me to help others when I’m feeling this way.ย  It drives me, yet I’m exhausted to my bones.

There must be no other option, I must survive this. I’ve never quit before I won’t start now.

I tell myself it will all be okay and this to shall pass โœŒ๏ธ now I have too believe it.

*Look for my Facebook pages that focus on the STIGMA of living with ADHD and addictions and recovery as well. https://www.facebook.com/stopandkillthestigma/
https://www.facebook.com/steppingintorecoverywithJesus/

Would TRUE LOVE allow you to cheat?



Here is a story about one of my many surfs through quora.com. I like helping people who I look for issues I’m qualified (from life experiences) to address.




My RAW thoughts today are about cheating. As I coasted through quora.com earlier, I answered a couple questions about cheating so I thought I would see what your RAW thoughts were about this sensitive yet emotionally harmful subject well as share myself RAW thoughts with you!ย 

Cheating confirms that pure love does not exist in the mind or heart of its enforcer.
Sorry but I’m just being for real.

This revelation has burst open me from the inside out of my core on one thing God has intended me to learn from this difficult road i allowed life to put me on.

โญThe lesson here is too be genuine and respectful worth your partner.ย  Leave before you cheat, try watering your own grass at home and keep it rich and happy.ย  “My partner doesn’t give me what I need sexually” is the most common reason for cheating. Well you know what? What you do is make him/her naughty and felt intriguing by you. There are plenty of sites for tools that will do just that. Try http://www.badgirlsbible.com for tips from AMAZING foreplay, massages, blow jobs, what excites men and women, ideas for hotter sex.
If this doesn’t work then I suggest you get out of the relationship.

You should not have to “try” anyway, because I feel that if it is true love, then it will come naturally. It’s just that simple!

Knowing what true love really makes you feel inside it is no longer a mystery to me. It’s a reality that God blessed me with to take me higher on the journey yet to be.




If you were ever in TRUE LOVE with someone would you be able to bring yourself too cheat on them? Honesty please. Why? Because it is too serious to play games with someone’s heart.

I feel that only people that have experienced pure true love can really answer but i welcome all answers from everyone. If you have you think about whether or not you have experienced this rare feeling then chances are no, you have not.ย  Your probably experiencing lust.ย  That won’t last and you will get hurt, promise.

I have been blessed enough to have experienced true love in my young golden years. The knowledge of what I found was mind blowing because the love in is pure form is so beyond the love we know.

โค๏ธ It was worth the wait believe me. My answer is a definite NO I could NEVER BRING myself to cheat on someone that has brought out the pure love in me, sexually and otherwise..

How do I know, well explanations are futile but it’s because I just know.

๐Ÿ’œ I also know I never experienced it in the past years until I was in my sweet fifties. That was clear to me in retrospect of this AMAZING journey.

I wasn’t even looking for an exclusive partner when I was found by him.ย  I was too far gone in my own meager existence, weighed down by my bad choices in life.

Experiencing my own karma and rightly so.ย ย  It’s important to own your wrongs and learn from them what you were created to learn.
With him just being himself, he made me realize my worth because I was too whipped by life in exhaustion to see it on my own.ย  I mattered and I needed to know that.ย  I mattered. How could I matter because I was a worthless person in my own eyes and I’m sure others as well. Wasn’t that obvious in my bad decisions I made? Or was I just going crazy?
I was about to see why.

I believed in the magic of love as a young girl but how miraculous was it that it was live and up close and personal with me in real life.

This is the way it was intended too be.ย  If people realized this in it’s depth, they would not play games in it’s name.ย  Wow โญ
The grass is NEVER GREENER than your own lawn that you keep fertilized and watered. Remember that!

True love CANNOT cheat! It has so much more of a deeper meaning than anyone can comprehend.


What are YOUR RAW THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS?

***sometimes the problem with agreeing to this would be to admit that you were wrong all the times before in your desperate tries of “love” in your past.ย  They seem childish in comparison since you now see clarity.ย  Some are too weak minded to deal with that reality.

This person may be intended to be my forever BFWB or he may not but what the lesson here was: True love DOES exist in it’s purest form if you open yourself up to experience it.


Now I can stand on my own a bit more than I could before.ย  It’s crazy of how fragile I was when he met me. He had been so patient through it all, I’m very blessed.

He had remolded me back to a state that I felt whole again.ย Life had shredded me into millions of pieces, strong yet so vulnerable. But Iย  mattered enough to put those pieces back together.
I didn’t know that I mattered before that day.
โค๏ธ That is true love โค๏ธ

Why

Let me first explain how this particular blog post was born. It was early in our exclusive relationship and I had mistakenly believed my BFWB had lied to me. Later on I figured out that I was wrong but I had already written this to him. I was so thankful I had been wrong …

05-03-19 revised

Now I’m rewriting this because of the one hidden thing, all I want to know is WHY did you hide what you didn’t have to?

Why?

Of all people, me! I’m broken beyond recognition,

Why?

You crushed my very soul

Put out my fire, and hurt me in places

I didn’t know existed.

You hid something from me.

Why?

I just don’t get it ๐Ÿ˜ญ

That cuts me more
Than the possibility of you
replacing me in your life which that scares me to the horrible depths

Of my fucking heart. You hid your list from me!

Why?

I thought that I gave you the best of both worlds. Only asking to be exclusive.

I’ve backed off as much as I possibly could with you pulling away from me every day.

I felt that and was afraid.

Why did you hide that from me?

Are you pulling away thinking I am like the rest in your past, testing me as such…

I long for you to just enjoy hanging again ~

I gave my heart to you and all

I expected was loyalty in return.

But you had to go and hide that. I’m devastated..

Why?

Loyalty and respect went out the window when you hid that from me.

I know I’m hard to love, even like but before now there was never a problem!

Why don’t you like me anymore because I feel it and it is ripping my heart into shreds.

How did I deserve to be

disrespected so bad?

To my very bones, I am hurt. Because, you felt you couldn’t show me what you hid.

Why!?

Why?

You despise liars and thieves,

People that pull out moves like that,

That is what I don’t understand …

How could you treat me like so lowly,

Me, who would do anything in this world for you, like I never mattered at all.

Unless for another and you don’t want to say, because of whatever reaction you think I may give.

But damn, you hid that away from me, unnecessarily. That’s what made me feel, there was something to hide?!

Am I just that dumb?

why?

I want us to stay like we are, I need you in my life!

You know I will never ask you for what you cannot give,

Your more important to me than I ever realized, and I figured that out, with your pulling away.

I don’t think I can make it every day without you.

I’ve grown used to our sex, and our deep but open friendship, or is that all just felt on my side?

~ then i think again about you felt that you had to hide something you knew I’d notice and be hurt inside and also to wonder, will I ever be able to let you go if you so choose?

Had I been wrong

…..To let you in?

I will give you any thing you need.

Please stay

Losing you would not be good for me

However I need you to be completely honest with me, no matter if it hurts me or not.

I don’t want to bother, if that is gone!

Please stay with me and….

then the reason you hid,

Well at least, maybe you will finally tell me and

I will know why.

(I hope I can add this after we talk)

โค๏ธ

I just found out,

You may have hid,

Maybe you had fears of getting to close or simply are sick of me being around.

But at least tell me … So I know why.

… because I know now… You will never leave.

My hopes were finally right! Your never going to leave me alone!

โค๏ธ Thank you for reading, commenting, and following โค๏ธ

LIKE my fb page dedicated to my bfwb๐Ÿ’‹

Other posts about my bffwb:

Where does the love go

NEVERLAND for mature readers

A real man

Just maybe

Tears falling down

The imprint of you on my heart

Beyond the scope of normal for mature readers

Agonizing fear

To scared to pray

respect yourself โค๏ธ

The importance of respecting yourself is MAJOR … If you don’t respect yourself, no one else is going to!

You can respect yourself by doing respectful things for yourself and to other people by your actions and in your reactions to certain things and situations.

Even in the midst of conflict and you feel at the end of your rope, never quenchย  the feelings of respect inside your soul because, it will show outwardly and life struggles will pounce all over you.

Show it whether you feel it or not.ย  It’s very important as to how you are viewed by others.ย Not that I care what people think, I do, however, want to be seen that I hold great respect for myself.

Respect yourself in ALL situations, not just “when you do good”! It’s in the dark times, when you feel broken and used that showing respect to yourself is important. Treat yourself well.

There’s a difference in wanting to be seen in that way and just caring what others think.

Inwardly having respect shows outwardly and people will notice and feel it from the depths of your character. It will shine through from your very soul! Isn’t this how you would like to be seen by the world? Isn’t this the way you want to feel inside? Let go and allow the real YOU to immerge and manifest outwardly into the person you see and feel inside.

Respect yourself through situations that aren’t very respectful. We all do things we shouldn’t, good people make bad choices every day.ย  People may hate on you because of this.ย  Don’t let them bring you down, never let them you sweat. The types have no respect for themselves, so they are unable to show respect for others.  By disrespecting you, it makes them feel better about themselves.

Acceptance inside is key ๐Ÿ˜„ because we all do things that aren’t worthy of respect, in the world eyes. Well we have to forgive ourselves and be gentle to ourselves, yet firm, in handling how we deal with this process!ย  It’s important for your characterโœŒ๏ธ

Also, if you don’t respect yourself, no one else will.

The only thing I can tell you is to always hold your head high no matter what you’re feeling with in your personal life.

Show the world only what they need to see.ย Guard your heart as well because people will hurt you deep down in everyday life if you don’t.

This saves you from vicious attacks from haters around you. Remember hold your head high ~ always!

If other people come at you disrespectfully, you cannot allow that.

You should not tolerate disrespect from anyone, in any way! Attack back in the right manner showing them they have no right to disrespect you.“No permission given” ~ you can do this calmly and with class but at the same time letting them see that you mean business.

๐Ÿ’•Hint: if you have to,ย โ€œfake it ’till you make itโ€,ย (meaning act like you do until you sincerelyย DO respectย yourself), do so! Your stepping out in faith and God will honor that!

Also, ALWAYS be true to yourself first.ย  Never lie to yourself and be able to trust yourself completely. Have your own back, carry yourself accordingly …

Tolerating disrespect in any relationship, will have the haters (sadly, sometimes these ones are closest to our heartโ€ฆ) thinking they can just treat you any way they want. Show them you know your worth.

๐Ÿ˜‹ So never accept that type of treatment! It’s a matter of principle and self pride.

What are your RAW thoughts on this particular subject?๐Ÿ˜Œ leave your โค๏ธ comments with your thoughts on this topic at the bottom of my blog page.

๐Ÿ’•

DO YOU RESPECT YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY or do you struggle with this?

Wisdom is gold

Wisdom comes with life’s experiences as well as with age.
Hold onto that like it is gold,
Be ready, to be amazed.

Helping people who’ve been struggling is a sign of wisdom on your part, esp helping despite your inner pain…

No more holding things inside or trying to cover things up so you won’t see them from the inside.ย 

Facing your fears
Not running from them,
Wouldn’t that be an amazing sight!

Just knowing what you feel is right,
No question,
Beforeโ€ฆthoughts were coming left as well as right,
Circling around me, hovering, as if in a major plight. Not stopping so I could see…
Clarity … I need clarity

Wisdom should be loyal with huge amounts of respect…
Emulating from within as well as from others…

Falling down around you,
And in those moments, you have to reflectโ€ฆ On how precious wisdom truly isโ€ฆ
Did I really find it you may have said?

Bad decisions and good alike,
Caused rivalry between the best
And, your In a test unknowingly.ย 

I’m glad wisdom found me the older I became,
It snuck up on me so quickly
And I became disdainโ€ฆ Not knowing how to handle her in my newbie ways
It was hit and miss for quite a ways..

Never giving up, holding onto hope
Covet wisdom in it’s entirely
On its curvaceous slopesโ€ฆ Once you know that โ€ฆ know you can never turn it around.

Wisdom has your heart so full,
Your home warm, your heart full with
Laughter floating out from the windows,
Happiness and smiles coating its charmโ€ฆ
Life seems different once you know…

Wisdom is precious ๐Ÿ’œIt is gold โค๏ธ