bitCh watCh ouT fOr me …

Why are you attacking me … because you have no damn right … we are aquaintances at best and just to run your mouth about me when you have no fukkkin clue … I just want you outta my FUKKKIN sight …

When I tell you that your fukkkin with the wrong bitch … That’s an understatement you better heed my words … Because I’m not the one baby girl to mess with like that … you ain’t gonna know but I’m sure you’ve already heard …

Women like you give females a bad name … I will fukkk your world, make you cry and call you out … You have never seen the likes of me and won’t ever see any the same …

You think your cute with your ugly looking ass … I shake my head and laugh out loud because haters are jealous … Wanting to be me instead … smmfh (shaking my MF head) ๐Ÿค”

My name best not flow from your mouth not once more … It’s not a threat it’s a fukkkin promise … I’m not afraid of anyone at all … I have survived bigger and badder than you … you and your life are insignificant and you are regarded as small …

You don’t want this bitch inside me unleashed … bet that little girl … I’m not the type for drama or fake ass hoes … No because do or die … I’m gonna live in peace …

It’s time to pray for your emotional well being and your pride … Don’t play dumb it doesn’t suit your look … You started this deciding it was best to talk about me … your stupidity amplified …

Watch over your shoulder … underestimate me if you choose … Better not let your guard drop … I’m giving you the clues …

To stay away from me and my name and my life … don’t think I won’t cut you with a knife … all of that needs to be away from your lips … Pray hard little girl because I’m old school hood … It’s gonna be a MF trip …

Haters like you make me STRONG … around town your character has been shadowy and wrong … IDC if you like me or not … but bitch when I come for you … imma take away your pride and what little sanity you got …

No threats it’s just true … I knew your true colors would eventually come out … Females like you are a dime a dozen bet that … Now little girl is your time to pout …

I’m damn sure not afraid … even at my age … to fight you like a man … and now I see why you got beat up … you don’t want to Fukkk with me during my rage … bet that – wassup …

Watch for me little girl … I know how to play the violin with my hand … You may need a serenade one night … while you see me circling… causing you to hurl as you sink into the quicksand ….

Beware I’m just fukkkin crazy enough … to fukkk your world and I’m not gonna stop … I’m old school so you will never see … any damn thing that would make me scared, so come on now chop … chop …

Bye bye bitch because … your stupidity shows along with your fakeness … What did you expect when all I heard you can do is call the fukkkin laws … I’m cool like that … bringing it to your awareness …

You are trite, stupid and just plain mean, talking about me and I’m sure everyone else … Your say your guy hits you and I now see why … Be concerned with your own overgrown fat funky ass look … it don’t a genius to see that you’re an addict and you’re hooked …

Bye bye bye I’m feeling better than I was … Bitches like you ain’t nothing to me … and that is just because … You ain’t right YET damn I’m free!!!

ยฉchellesrawthoughts

summary

This written after a hater told someone crap about me … When she doesn’t have a clue about me does not know me … because if they tell one person fake crap about you they will tell another the same … She’s disrespectful, weak, cowardly and gonna be bait because I’m gonna take her down it’s in her fate …
๐Ÿ’Thank you for reading commenting and following๐Ÿ™Œ

cOmpLeteLy me ๐Ÿ‘ 

foreword: This post touches on people’s hurts and the walls they put up after being hurt, whether it’s emotionally or physically ~ when this happens they usually shut everyone out, especially if they have been hurt time and again, but if they are blessed, they have that one person who they let in … A lover, friend, sibling, etc … In my case, it is my best friend and beyond ~ my soulmate … I hope this brings hope that even though people suck … Don’t give up on finding one that you can 100% trust!

cOmpLeteLy me ๐Ÿ‘ 

People mistakingly believe ~ thinking they know me, because of what I show ~ it has to be true ~ they love to gossip and make fun … while passing judgement on what they see and think they know ~ but all they REALLY know, is what I show … because BITCHES I’m in control …

I’m so much more than they can see … Never can I allow them to see …

๐Ÿ’„… COMPLETELY ME …๐Ÿ‘ 

I made the mistake when I was so young ~ to trust a little to easily … I learned quite fast that people suck ~ that’s why there’s but one that cared enough for me ~ to go through the darkness and slay the dragons for me …

So ~ he’s the only one I can show the real me … Because always with him I’m …

๐Ÿ‘  COMPLETELY ME …๐Ÿ’„

It pains me deep inside that some see me ONLY as a bitch, a slut, no good, lazy, stupid, a problem, a burden or they think I just don’t care …

… when …

โœ๏ธAll I do is care … not what people think so much … but care that I’m seen for MY heart … not MY mistakes …

… I cared to much and years ago that almost broke my soul …

๐Ÿ““And still now … I care … But the hardness I learned to use to cover it up … Masks me now, so …

… THEY CAN NEVER SEE …

๐Ÿ‘  … COMPLETELY ME …๐Ÿ’„

I was hurt to much by fake souls acting like they should be close to me … They ruined it for all with one exception you see ~ my tough exterior will never show them what I don’t want them to see ~

… they will never see …

๐Ÿ’„ cOmpLeteLy me

They don’t have permission to see, the complete me or the me I was always supposed to be … I’m NOT GOING TO ALLOW THEM ~ TO HURT ANYMORE OF ME … There’s only one allowed inside of me ~ just so he can see and that’s my soulmate that’s free ~ free to see EVERY part of me ~ because always with him I’m

๐Ÿ’„ … COMPLETELY ME …๐Ÿ‘ 

The hard exterior I acquired
… in order to be … came at a heavy price you see … so the softness inside … could not be crushed one more time in me …

โšก Because … I only show them what I want them to see …

Because I’m so much more than anyone is allowed to see … They do not deserve to see … the me that I was supposed to be … only what I want them to know is what I show …

because BITCHES I’m in control ๐Ÿ’ช

it’s all about him being able to see … since he’s number one with me … Because always with him I’m …๐Ÿ‘ฃ

๐Ÿ‘  … COMPLETELY ME …๐Ÿ’„

Not many have made it past the hardness that’s shielding me ~ only a handful in reality ~ because only a few deserved to remain with me … because they can hang with me and be loyal to me and those who can’t …โœ๏ธ they can never see … the me I was always meant to be … The main population indeed … was never going to deserve ~

๐Ÿ‘ … COMPLETELY ME …๐Ÿ’„

I can be sensitive, sweet, stubborn, goofy, quick to forgive, discerning, and even sometimes afraid … The last few came with time and deep pain …

๐Ÿ““ Shouldn’t I show only certain parts of me … that the hardness hides inside me … But it won’t change the fact ~ that I won’t allow any to see … The me that I was truly meant to be …

But ~ always with him I’m …

COMPLETELY ME …๐Ÿ‘ 

Others see bits of what I permit them to see … So, call me names or talk bad about me ~ because although I do care ~ never will you see … the reality of me … To be able to get past and inside of me … because there is only that one ~ that is free to see ~ because always with him I’m …

๐Ÿ’„… COMPLETELY ME …๐Ÿ‘ 

THERE’S JUST SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN I ALLOW ANYONE TO SEE …

Only my best friend and beyond is free ~ to hang with me …๐Ÿ•ถ๏ธ

… people pretend to care and it’s plain to me ~ it’s for heartless reasons you see …

… that no one cares …โšก

… because of greed and jealousy ~ however in reality ~ no one really cares about you nor do they care about me … unless by magic and grace … true angels appear to me …

Those precious few that stick close … are the ones that you don’t have to fear and you shall allow them to be ~ keepers of the keys to your soul indeed ~ so the the fake ones won’t see ~ so never again will I show anyone but him … Because …

… always with him I’m …

๐Ÿ‘  COMPLETELY ME …๐Ÿ’„

Those angels are rare … Don’t let them go … hold onto them tightly ~ Mine are precious to me ~ my angels … They are down for me ~ Those angels are very few you see and there’s only one that can ever see …

๐Ÿ’„… Completely me …๐Ÿ‘ 

If you don’t know me ~ and all you see … is a mask hiding a big part of me … Don’t be surprised because indeed you won’t need ~ to actually see ~ the me that I’m supposed to be …

Once you care enough to climb over my walls and dig in with me … I’m loyal to mine … and when they’re loyal to me …

That’s when they will see …

… COMPLETELY ME …๐Ÿ’„

ยฉchellesrawthoughts

๐Ÿ‘  thank you for reading, commenting, and following ๐Ÿ’„

beyOnd beSt friendS ๐Ÿ‘ซ

I met him in the craziest way … God told me that first night that “he is the one” … and when I opened my door and saw him – I said, “oh yeah this one needs to stay” … silently I thought … “Wow thank You God – a job well done” …

We instantly bonded and were extremely turned on … partying, gabbing, heavily flirting and more … staying up making out until the first break of dawn … I was in heaven loving all of him and he was certainly no bore …

… for three days and nights we played, made love and fuc*ed … together we were off tha chain … we allowed nothing to interrupt … I couldn’t get this man outta my brain …

Making hot, steamy and naughty love was amazing times ten … it never mattered where the other had been … never did I know naughtiness was supposed to be like that … intimately speaking it was INDESCRIBABLE unlike any other I’ve played at …

… there were no games played and no lies told … refreshing to us that we both broke the mold … he brought me back to life … I was simply existing because inside of me there lay a lot of strife …

… over the course of several months our bond became stronger than strong … I felt in my gut that this couldn’t be wrong … time kept it’s pace … moving forward it did … we could always be found hanging out at my little place …

I completely fell and fell hard for this man … he took it in stride and had a secret plan … he showed me how a real man dealt with his life … and treated those close to him with patience while unknowingly keeping me alive …

He is my hero as well as my best friend and beyond … BEYOND benefits BEYOND love and BEYOND best friends … I am so in awe I can barely respond … he is so much BEYOND the traditional boyfriend bond …

I honestly could not live life without his heart … it was as if I’d known right from the start … God whispered that night, “He is the one” … “thank You God it was a job well done …”

ยฉchellesrawthoughts

๐Ÿ‘ซ this poem is about my guy – my best friend and beyond – he means the world to me … there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him … I know he would be the same way towards me! It’s been four years this month … since we met and have had prettying much exclusive ever since ...
“A soulmate connection is not sycophantic. No power struggles. No game playing. You donโ€™t have to worry about treading on eggshells or keeping the peace. You donโ€™t considering that words or actions will be thrown back and used as evidence should there be a future spat, although time will tell with this one. You feel their strength in the gentlest of ways and have no desire to hurt them, or test their loyalties. A soulmate connection says itโ€™s OK to be different, perhaps one of you thrives on social media, while the other prefers a more private existence, under the radar. Any stresses or difficulties are diminished with one word from the other, or a solitary text, in one fell swoop.”
๐Ÿ’ƒthank you for reading following and commenting๐Ÿ•บ

๐Ÿ’” mommy dearest ๐Ÿ’”

๐Ÿ’” revised post from mother’s day 2019 ๐Ÿ’”

I couldn’t believe it … when I was first told … the person that raised me was for real is a petty mean troll … She was hateful indeed and there was no doubt … that loathing she did went beyond way up and out … Yet my being raised so out of control … it was the devil from hell that wanted my soul …

Once I knew that she loved to hurt me … she sure did that that to me a lot indeed … On purpose was her pain … aimed directly at my brain … where it was disorderly yet sane … although crazy it caused anxiety in my brain …

For years, I made it my mission that I’d find a way to please … the evil monster she was … while trying to appease … The orders she tried to make me succumb … yet instead she managed to regain control over on one …

She blamed me for several … of covered up wrongs … my hidden disorder playing like an old song … with her look of disgust … that quickly became a must … to settle on down … to calm my fears while crushing my trust …

She hated on me … for many years more…. while telling me I was never going to be any good … that I was brainless and dumb … I was told time and again … I knew better and when … I disagreed with her … it was much to her chagrin …

Feeling ashamed that I was being stupid all over again … I had no real guidance that gave me a start … with me … grasping for instructions on the minute details of her black heart …

Through the cloudy hidden ADHD haze … jumbled and dazed … feeling the hatred from her they should’ve been a crime … for her it’s just in due time … realizing then that she must … not love me … while claiming that I was the one that was acting real bad … yes that had to be me …

I’d feel so bad that I couldn’t be good … this evil woman I’d begun to hate … while I realized that I would never be understood … her knowing that goodness … freely flowed out of me … that depressing blanket of black … hovered above me … while covering up the unimpeachable … just step back, wait and see …

Paralyzing taunts from the evil in her …. that plagued my thoughts … I certainly was not any old amatuer … ONLY WANTING HER TO LOVE ME … all that now thank God is a blur … Yet all I could do then … is pray that everything would be okay … because that’s what she’d prefer …

She turned my sweet … my baby girl … into a mini little “she” … told her fake news all about me … making me want to flee … down these roads why couldn’t she just leave all of this be …

I was slipping away into that cold dark pit – that was harrowing, scary and warm not a bit … why does she kill my dreams which caused me to just quit …

… the fact that I’m really smart … wasn’t very well known to those around me back then – all I wanted in the world was another mom to start … she lied to me not doing her part … countless times which definitely set the pace … it’s set in stone and unfortunately for me … I fell in disgrace … and her presence followed me … lurking all around the place …

she was always telling more lies about me … unforgettable yet still absurd … now as I look back on those shameful days … she remain cold and undeterred … I often never ever heard … the apologies resounding from her frosty cold soul … she’d never give me her word … not would she relinquish her control …

she’s never going to accept me, ever I thought … that I’d never make it back from all of the dark words and shameful taunts that the devil himself made from her lips without being caught …

the evil clinging inside of her brain – is way hotter than hell … I would never be the same … so much confusing chaos … all around her while silently praying but to no avail … she’d go head first … crashing through my many mistakes … on that rocky road from hell … while holding them all not just one … over me with no brakes …

I don’t feel guilty or anything bad … because I’m free to hate her now … for any unpleasantness that narcissists spread … The guilt as the scapegoat almost suffocated me many years ago … from the lies, calling names and with references that I’d been born from down below …

throughout each night all of my life … from daylight to dark … I’d been brought down real low … I should’ve fallen apart …

I craved for her to acknowledge me … for her to be proud … knowing it was doubtful at best .. yet somehow I was made to believe … that there had to be some good in everyone indeed …

narcissists don’t have one ounce of cheer … so now I no longer care if she acknowledged me back then or not … I was completely blown over when shown what she was … that day not very easily forgot …

I learned the hard way that she would never feel love for me or for you … while strolling along in life … Hopelessly … she’d groan causing so much strife … and with pain coming down … directly aimed at my soul … I wasn’t about to let anyone know …

I’m finally free ever since I’ve known what label she supports … masking emotions and things of that sort …

Manipulators and controllers stay busy all about … I tried so long to be a real good girl … there should be no doubt …

I feel as if I’m caught in a bind of chaos inside foggy clouds … I was unable to verbalize my feelings out loud … being locked in my own little world every day … so so quiet … still sensing her hate unmasking when she’d smile at me underneath it was so fake …

I was finally released … from her diabolical mind … my memories from then are ultimately at peace … I would no longer wish for her to be kind …

I rode out the hard pain … that hovered … barely … above me … while having thoughts that I feared that mostly involved you as well as me …

I am finally at the point in my life … I no longer have feelings … not for or about her … and I no longer tolerate any damn strife … I am at peace inside knowing my worth “as it were” …

ยฉchellesrawthoughts

๐Ÿ’” if you or someone you know is a daughter of a narcissistic mother ๐Ÿ’” reach out to them … they need someone to understand them and the depth of their immense emotional pain … because they believe everything is their fault … ๐Ÿ’” when it’s not …

๐Ÿ’” here are some informative and helpful links ๐Ÿ’”

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: A Bond Made of Selfishness and Coldness

Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers

The Incredible Healing Power of Reddit’s ‘RaisedbyNarcissists’ Support Group

Do You Have A Narcissistic Mother?

8 Common, Long-Lasting Effects of Narcissistic Parenting

What happens when you live in the shadow of a narcissistic parent?

The Invisible War Zone: 5 Ways Children Of Narcissistic Parents Self-Destruct In Adulthood

๐Ÿ’” thank you for reading, following and
commenting ๐Ÿ’”

hOw impOrtant iS a “sOuL cOnneCtiOn” in your relationship?

A sOuL cOnneCt is the glue that binds together yOur seX, yOur sOuL and yOur parTnerShip as a whOLe tOgeTher …

My eXcLuSive partnership is prOOf of thiS. This iS the beSt reLationShip I’ve ever had in my entire life and it was definitely worth waiting 52 years for!

True love doesn’t hurt

Beyond best friends, beyond soulmates and beyond true love is what my guy and I have … my best friend and beyond

BeLOw I deSCribe EXACTLY what it takes to have a suCCeSSful parTnerShip …

Read this very carefully and you BOTH have to be in sync with this or it won’t work …

what it takes to have that RARE and unique sOuL cOnneCtiOn that iS almost unbreakable:

*100% COMPLETE HONESTY with OPEN COMMUNICATION so as to keep your partner informed as to where your head is at. This way there is no room for either of y’all to be guessing what the other is thinking etc… Those TWO things are the FOUNDATION NEEDED to begin and maintain a successful partnership …

I think that so many couples DON’T have that foundation because it wasn’t based on a SOUL CONNECTION. Because I KNOW if it IS based on a SOUL CONNECT it has no other option but to work in making a relationship successful (My own exclusive partnership is proof) … Otherwise without the soul cOnneCt … Couples aren’t striving as a team to build their relationship …

After the CRUCIAL FOUNDATION of HONESTY and COMMUNICATION are laid and SET LIKE CONCRETEadd the mix of YOUR RELATIONSHIP SUPER POWER (sOuL cOnneCt) –

*** this sOuL cOnneCtiOn cannot be forced – if it isn’t already present in your relationship is probably not going to be there if you have to try to make it happen …

… then … you MUST have these ESSENTIAL attributes (in BOTH partners) for it to be SUCCESSFUL:

*100% TRUST (for yourself as well as for each other)

*RESPECT (means that each person values who the other is and understands the other person’s boundaries)

*LOYALTY (to yourself, each other, and to your reLatiOnShip)

*FAITHFULNESS (to each other FOR your reLatiOnShip)

*INDIVIDUALITY

*COMPROMISE

*KEEPING OPEN LINE OF COMMUNICATION (this is mentioned twice because it’s that important)

*COMMITMENT

*LISTENING to each other

*OPENNESS (your as well as your partner is open, undefended and willing to be vulnerable and open in a sexual manner)

*FORGIVENESS

*SHOW APPRECIATION

*EMOTIONAL SUPPORT for each other

***BE A RIDE OR DIE FOR EACH OTHER it’s crucial to have each other’s back in ANY situation. You have to KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that “your partner has “got you”

*HUMOR

*THE MAGIC OF SMALL THINGS

*COMPASSION – The intention and capacity to relieve and transform suffering and lighten sorrows

*DEPENDABILITY

*AFFECTION

*EFFORTLESS – it should ALL come naturally

*ACCEPTANCE

*SELFLESSNESS

๐Ÿค” When ALL ATTRIBUTES ARE ADDED TO YOUR FIRM FOUNDATION OF HONESTY AND OPEN COMMUNICATION meaning they are SET firmly inside you and your partners sOuL (because your sOuL consists of your mind, your will and your emotions)

THAT IS HIGHLIGHTED TOGETHER – it’s completed with the RARE OCCURRENCE of instantaneous bonding of two souls causing a …

~ SOUL CONNECTION ~

๐Ÿ˜„ … then …

*add the bonus ingredient WHICH CAUSES the most AMAZING sex that you could dare dream of … therefore causing it all to โšกโšกโšกMAKE THE MOSTโšกโšกโšกUNBEATABLE โœŒ๏ธ ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽถ COMBINATION which creates an …

UNBREAKABLE BOND

similar to sOuL tieS the bibLe talks about

which makes for a โœŒ๏ธ ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽถ SUCCESSFUL PARTNERSHIP that would be ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE and EXTREMELY DIFFICULT for anyone outside the relationship to break through … for example someone can’t tempt your partner to cheat as easily because sOuL cOnneCt is almost unbreakable plus with this sOuL cOnneCtiOn you WILL NOT WANT TO OR THINK ABOUT BEING UNFAITHFUL … (Breaking the soulmate connection can be a very difficult process but it can be done if you set your mind, heart and soul to the task. The soulmate connection, and soulmate relationships, are formed from a very deep soul level connection with another human being.)

(These soulmate connections as they are formed and deepen over the time we spend with that soulmate become a part of us and part of our own soul so creating a termination to that bond can be a fairly painful process

(This soulmate connection as it is formed and deepen over the time that we spend with our soulmate … They become a part of us and part of our own soul so creating a termination to that bond can be a fairly painful process … read more here regarding sOuL tie diScOnneCtiOn … not having a sOuL cOnneCtiOn is how partners can succumb to temptation easily …)

This is what most reLatiOnShipS are miSSing … and the main reason cheating seems like an easy option … It’s not an easy option when your have all these qualities present as discussed here in this post

My opinion is that most couples in general will NOT have this RARE phenomenal relationship is because they aren’t willing to put forth the extreme effort in maintaining this on a daily basis. They want the outcome of …

what I’ve described to manifest in their relationship without going out of their comfort zone.

Learning about and VALUING what is important to each other will have the two of you creating your “perfect” world around your relationship.

Being up straight up front about your individual thoughts and feelings, along with the desired direction of the relationship – YOUR AGREEMENT OF THE DESIRED DIRECTION OF YOUR PARTNERSHIP IS CRITICAL – because that way one isn’t trying to change direction … because by NOT changing directions … your partner has the assurance you are respecting the boundaries they placed in front of you … This WILL ALLOW your relationship the freedom it craves to be happy and because your won’t be doubting your partner’s promise of NOT pushing you for something you may not be emotionally ready or able to give (for ex: if one of you has “caught feelings and the other hasn’t – and they do care deeply for you – be respectful and know they are giving you all they can – because IF the partner with feelings pushes for the relationship to be more of a commitment or whatever … that “pushing” will poison what trust is between the both you plus it breaks and tears down the bricks and will ultimately destroy the foundation built – and more than likely end it altogether.

On the other hand if you both keep to whatever agreement decided beforehand … The AMAZING freedom that comes – (freedom from knowing your partner is faithful and cares for you deeply, etc.) will allow you and your partner the opportunity to simultaneously explore yourselves and your relationship because your FIRM SET FOUNDATION AND BRICK STRUCTURE and highlighted with the sOuL cOnneCtiOn frees your relationship to grow as it was meant to be.

Comments are welcome and encouraged …

Like my fb page “FINDING YOUR BEST FRIEND AND BEYOND” they is dedicated to my guy and the unique bond we share …

๐Ÿ’“ Thank you for reading commenting and following ๐Ÿ’“

๐ŸŒช๏ธ Inside the tornado … thoughts lie ๐ŸŒช๏ธ

I feel it coming on … this crazy feeling in my brain that won’t go away fast enough … This is a different type of pain …

ย ย 

ย 

I feel myself starting to shake inside …ย  I then … sense the high winds of the tornado close by …

ย 

“I know it will carry me off yet again……”

ย 

“To what destination” Iย  wonder… “Where the thoughts are born? Then they lie?”

ย 

I know it’s because of the fog … The unclear clouds of confusion.

Mind over matter worked for me earlier in the day. I put myself in a good mood, I do this every day only for it to be jerked away from me, VICIOUSLY.

ย 

“I work so hard to stay okay …”

“… why, why, why …”

ย 

“Is this a dream?”ย ย  I wondered, as I ached inside.

ย 

ย 

“Will we survive this journey I’m on? We better. You know how I look up to you, hang onto your every word but I just don’t get your mood towards me.” (I said silently to my bfab)

ย 

“Am I interpreting it wrong or is it real”

my mind tries to scream through the clouds of confusion.

” … is it real …”


no … remember, thoughts lie …”

What happened to the sweet, encouraging, uplifting mood that I’m used to?

ย 

“Am I not worthy of being bothered with because I don’t matter?”

ย 

Oh my heart needs a clear view and there is none here … in the clouds rushing around me …

ย 

I feel that heavy on me like a blanket. I don’t matterย  enough to bother, I decided because I was so frustrated!


“Instead of lifting me up, you crushed me, intentionally? maybe not.” I tell myself fervently, so I beg you inside my head …

ย 

“please don’t make me cry …”

ย 

Yet you did anyway …

ย 

The clouds are closing on on me …

ย 

That’s really on me because of those thoughts in the cloud and …… “I remember those thoughts do lie.”

ย 

… Nonetheless, that really hurt me inside my heart if I perceived it correctly.ย  I hoped I didn’t, knowing that certain thoughts will lie …

You are my unsung hero and I need you in my life. I need your encouraging words, your smile and your personality all around me …


“Am I not worth that

bother?” the screams tell me that “thoughts lie” … when the clouds are around, and not to forget … “It will be over soon …”

I’m locked in that confusing fog of clouds not knowing if I matter or not … I beg for a hint of peace to pierce into the fear inside … Gathering myself together the best I can …

” … I’m glad those thoughts lie……..I can’t lose what I found …”

I cherish the fact that you are my best friend and beyond with all of my heart, so please don’t hurt me … I can’t do this alone because I will fail alone (I secretly begged him) … Nobody gets my crazy brain but you, and I cannot see my life unless you are in it …

ย 

I need you with me and by my side in order to survive whatever this is, enveloping me. In my mind I beg …

ย 

” … please don’t disappear because of the fog …”

I would not hesitate if the tables were turned, to stand by your side and be supportive of you …

because that’s just what best friends are supposed to do …

ย 

“Why aren’t you …”

ย 

ย 

“… no answer …”

ย 

” … thoughts lie … he cares …”

“… remember the clouds will leave …

The one thing I need from you is your smile and you won’t give it …ย  Is the reasonย  because I want it so bad … Is that why you keep it from me … That is mean, don’t you see … But your not like that … through the fog I know that … It’s jumbled up because of the thick clouds and tornados of thoughts that creep in …

“Why did you think it was okay for you to be mean towards me, especially now? Or is that my distorted perception ...”

“Are you just holding your kind words back because my soul needs to hear them? On purpose?
This is not like you, I just don’t get it.”


“remember thoughts lie … don’t forget”
“he hasn’t changed, you should know better …”

… frustrated … if not for the clouds I would … “I would know …”

“… I know you care, but you don’t let me see it …”



I’m crushed and no one cares it seems … I think to myself … “just walk on me and step on me, it doesn’t matter … I’m gonna hurt anyway … Why doesn’t anybody hear me …”

I just don’t get it … I’m confused and I know why … yet knowing doesn’t stop it from happening …

… Your making no sense to me … I’m not used to you hurting me …ย  Never before had you tried … “why now” …


“… damn … these thoughts lie and I see them from inside this tornado …”

ย  distorted … hazy … warped …

“But do you care? You can’t be like the rest. Please let this be a dream … and I wake up and your sweet … unlike the rest … you are special …

“… so please don’t be the same as everyone else …”


The screaming inside my soul cries …

“… Don’t forget what I’ve said … thoughts lie …”

… exhaustion …


” … just leave me be so I can cry in peace. But I don’t care …” It hurts in my belly with hard sharp pains … I’m so tired … through and through …

you have no clue as to how much I need you in my life …

I thought you would always care … but you don’t … At least that is what I feel …

ย 

… feelings … just like the whirlwind of thoughts … will lie … don’t forget …

“… omg thoughts lie, I almost forgot …”

ย 

ย 

The unwanted tangled and distorted thoughts cloud the original ones that are locked in my head … My brain was trying to save me by screaming …

ย 

“… remember thoughts lie … don’t forget …”

“I’m closing my eyes … stay close to me … I don’t want to die … die inside … I mean from a crushed spirit … you don’t crush those … you lift those up … goodnight I’m closing my eyes … stay close please …”

“I need you to forget that I’m in this cloud of swirling winds … I won’t always be … Please stay … Because I know that thoughts do lie … I’m holding fast to the faith that sustains me for that to please be true …”

” … You are the same as before … I’m so grateful for you … goodI was wrong …”

ย 

... my mind clears and those horrible clouds seem to be lifting now …”

ย 

” … you stayed … thank you …”


” … thank you …” I silently spoke to the Lord … “for reminding me that those thoughts lied …”This was written during an ADHD anxiety crazed moment … not after …ย 
I wanted to describe the negative thoughts and the struggle to fight them so others could see what someone battles daily with this disorder.

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anXiety tries to rule … ๐Ÿ˜ต

On the verge … dangerous trepidation … agitates deep inside …

… anxiety tries to rule …

… daily struggles … monotonous … nothing seems to change …

… am I left all alone … in a … fog left by the world … passing me by … never giving me a thought – I’m just sitting alone in my little home …

… anxiety tries to rule …

I can sense happiness just beyond my reach … It’s weird – but I feel things and unlike others … I have those skills you can’t teach … ADHD management is not out of reach …

I’m kinda stuck where I am right now … emotionally, I mean … not in the worst or the best of moods … I just wish I knew how …

… anxiety tries to rule …

To do things in life like everyone else … like go to the store, drive to a friend’s, spend some time at a park just like I used to do … before …

I still have a ways to go – since that light bulb came on … seven months ago – give or take a month … I try not to get withdrawn … as I try to calm my mind with no meds … ADHD runs through my head … running amuck … ripping my brain to shreds …

… anxiety tries to rule …

Holding it together … for what I’m not sure … I’m kinda tired of having to act like I’m so strong … I’m not and when it comes to myself … I’m usually never wrong … ADHD usually won’t allow me to listen to even one song …
Minutes tick by … ever so slow and I get so anxious that feeling doesn’t want to leave … Then I don’t know what to do or where to go …

… anxiety tries to rule …

I try not to think about things, so I just get online … to write or to help someone just to take it all off my mind …

… anxiety tries to rule …

Fake friends around here are a dime a dozen … so transparent in their actions but they think they’re slick … but I can see right through the crap they’re trying so hard to hide … because they may be quick but they ain’t that quick …

In the challenging ADHD moments of anxiety times ten … Much to my chagrin … Scattered thoughts pounding down on me like a hard fast rain … Closing my eyes I try to escape – I was locked in this moment I that being said … I am just gonna have to deal with this pain … ADHD is never going to be tame …

I’ve come a very long way in my journey of seeking self awareness … Wisdom abounds more in my sOuL and beyond … than before and that is a rareness … It’s somewhat similar to a real “self bond” …

Bonding with yourself isn’t easy as you may think … You have to dig deep beyond your inner core … So it all comes together and gets in sync … consistency is the key just practice it more and more …

Overcoming mental disorders take a lot of mental work … some say they want the outcome – but that just means – they just don’t want to put in any hard work … They’d rather just make excuses and be stupid jerks …

Anxiety stunts you spiritually – preventing your emotional growth – causing them to not develop properly … It really sucks having anxiety and ADHD both …

Waiting to be formerly diagnosed … that is hard to do as an adult these days … all I want is help to be normal … ADHD is not just a phase …

… anxiety tries to rule …

I’m not defined by any mental health issues or disorder “thing” … I try to stay away from people in general … for the most part they try to get your ass in a sling …

I’m going to smoke a stick now it takes the edge off… I want to pay attention to my guy… laying next to me … so please don’t scoff … I’ll turn out the light and snuggle up nice and he will snuggle back with me right where I’m supposed to be …

… anxiety ain’t gonna rule …

… living with ADHD is definitely not very cool …

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ADHD/NAMI National Alliance on Mental Illness

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom …”

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What makes someone tick who has an ugly and hateful heart? ๐Ÿ’“

Most people love me or they hate me. I could care less, but I wasn’t always so nonchalant.ย  I don’t really like most people, in general, because the majority are not real and use people to get what they want. They put good people down and lie about them to take the focus off themselves and what no good they are up to. I speak, of course, from my own experiences.

People that stoop to those levels do not care who gets hurt in the process as long they get they want and they could care less.

What makes someone that is that ugly and hateful inside tick?

I believe the evil that lies inside those type of people feed off the good hearted human beings like I described.

I also don’t want to hear that they were abused as a child or that they were hurt by the opposite sex and that is what makes them have an ugly heart. I was abused as a child and I am also a SURVIVOR of domestic violence.ย  I’m not that way. I’ve know people that had similar things happen and they didn’t turn out like that! Being abused is no excuse for bad behavior.

There is something evil inside of them anyway for them to hurt others andย  then say they hurt people because they were abused. That’s crap, because they would have been hateful and hurt those people if they’d never been abused, why?ย  Because it’s in their very character. You either have that inside you or you don’t.

The excuse of abuse just takes the responsibility off their shoulders. They are cowards who blame others their shortcomings. That’s what gets my blood boiling!

What also gets me angry is that those evil no goods act like they have a God given right to treat people any way they choose.ย Wtf is that? That is laughable but it’s true and it how dare they!

THEY DON’T HAVE THAT RIGHT!

It’s not okay!

It’s up to us (the people they may target) …

… TO NOT ALLOW anyone to treat us with disrespect.ย 

I have zero tolerance for those type of people. What is the purpose of their existence? Nasty people like that, the ones they show no compassion for others orย  don’t seem to care about others is truly a disgusting as well as PITIFUL site.

MOST GET MAD WHEN YOU CALL THEM PITIFUL OR INSIGNIFICANT.ย 

It is almost humorous, if it wasn’t so damn sad.

No matter how someone looks on the outside, that black heart is enough to make them unattractive and ugly, indeed.

I once thought that everyone thought with the same heart that I did.ย 

Boy, WAS I WRONG!

Not everyone has the same heart I do and that was an extremely hard lesson for me to learn. I thought just because I wouldn’t never screw someone over to hurt them like that but I thought everyone else thought the same way but they don’t!

Judgmental people have ugly hearts, as do abusers, control freaks, unhappy people and the list could go on.

Narcissistic tendencies and behavior, arrogant attitudes and no compassion for others are KEY attributes to one with an ugly heart. As far as I’m concerned, anyone that has a heart that is that unattractive, is evil.ย 

Some more than others, but anyone that will hurt someone else ON PURPOSE is evil any which way you look at it!

It blows my mind that most people these days, seem to have nasty hearts and they hurt others on purpose.ย I just don’t “get” that mindset.ย  They seem to get by with it and I just don’t “get” that, either.

In summary, I just don’t understand anyone that enjoys making others hurt and suffer ~ DO YOU?

I eventually learned how to decipher fake from real.

Time will tell because a person cannot fake being something they aren’t, not for long anyway.ย  They are going to slip up, no doubt about it. Women are more likely to slip up than men, in my opinion. Women are led by emotions, men are not.

PAY ATTENTION … To what your gut tells you inside.

One thing you can bet money on is that they can’t fake it for to long, until their true character appears. Just be patient.

It’s just a matter of WHEN?ย 

I’ve observed that true personalities SHINE THROUGH within three months and take no longer than six months, generally speaking.ย 

However, I’ve known someย  that have taken up to a year before their trueness showed through. Those are the exceptions to the rule.

Those are the ones that you don’t expect and because of that, you end up getting hurt worse.

… Real people recognize other real people and they also recognize who’s NOT real.

It’s a shame, but use caution when meeting someone for the first time. Whether it’s a potential friend or lover, don’t let them fully “in” until at least 3 months have passed. You think your being mean because of that ~ no, you are protecting yourself.

Being able to discern through to people’s true nature is a gift as well as an acquired and learned ability.ย 

It’s actually learned through hard core life situations.ย  It is not something you just automatically know nor is it for the weak minded individual.ย 

Only the strong will survive โœ‹

Have you ever wondered what goes through someone’s mind when they intentionally use and hurt people?

How do they justify it within themselves to make someone’s life miserable – ON PURPOSE – even if just for a moment?

I’m sure it’s because they are miserable within themselves and their own life, which makes them yearn to bring others down around them. They cannot stand to see others around them happy.

Like the cowards they are, with the games they playโœŒ๏ธ they could really push a weaker minded individual over the edge! Big bully’s is are all they are and it’s NOT attractive.

I had to really push through things life threw at me and I did it without making others cry. I never hurt someone on purpose, even when they hurt me.ย  It’s just not me. I have a heart.

Are ugly hearts really that delusional and arrogant to think it’s truly okay to bring others to their knees?

They are disgusting individuals, the cockroaches of society is the perfect description.

Weaklings, because they hide behind and hurt real people with big hearts in order to blend in and to make themselves feel like they are somebody.ย 

They really are transparent when you become gifted in discerning their true nature.

Transparency at it finest ~

They feast on …

people that are going through hard times, weighed down by the weight of their circumstances.

The weak scaredey cats feed on those unfortunate ones and then dive in for the kill. I hate someone being a bully.

That truly pisses me off. I’ve been the victim in something similar before, a few times in my life and it makes my blood boil to see someone being manipulated in that fashion. I am now A SURVIVOR!

Cowards have radar for weakness and they use it to zone in on those that have some weakness BUT it’s not your fault if you fall for their lies ~ the first time! It takes getting burned a few times before you get good at spoting those types when you first met them.ย 

How are you supposed to automatically know, unless your told or shown? I had to learn the hard way, no one gave me a heads up ๐Ÿ˜ž

Hold you head up ~ just proceed with caution.ย 

That’s why I get so upset.ย  Those big fat babies won’t pick on an individual that stands up to them.ย 

Once I began to stand up to these types, their bark is noticably worse than their bite.

I eventually learned how to take those losers down. I will stand up to them now with no problem.ย 

I’m no longer afraid of those with hateful and ugly hearts that hurt on purpose.

My question remains though ~ why do people walk around on eggshells around those type of folks?

They need to be held accountable for their hideous actions, in my opinion and I will call them out on their shit. They hate that and use righteous indignation when you do but I see right through that …


… FINALLY …

Experience leads you to knowledge which gives you the courage and righteous anger with meekness to stand up to them.

Anger is needed to give you the boost to say something to them.ย  Use your righteous anger and meekness does not mean weak like most think.ย  Meekness means …

… STRENGTH UNDER CONTROL …

You will also learn to listen and recognize your gut feeling on any individual orย  situation.

REMEMBER THIS:ย  Your gut feeling will NEVER lie to you.

I have never understood the mentality of Stupidity that enjoys causing emotional pain on purpose. What kind of sick freak does that?

There is just no valid reason for anyone to be hateful and mean toward someone else hurting them simply because they feel the need to in order to feel better about themselves.ย 

Kindness costs nothing and it’s positive, and causes less wrinkles and it’s contagious!

Kindness given to someone makes them happy and in turn it makes that person want to show kindness to someone else!

Be kind to someone today!

๐Ÿ’™ Thank you for reading, commenting, and following ๐Ÿ’š