๐Ÿ’• where does the love ๐Ÿ’• go? revised 04-21*

Have you ever had so much love inside of you but you had no place to place it?

If that sounds like you, then can relate to this post!

Where does the love go ๐Ÿ’‹

That feeling of having so much love inside and no place to give it, hits hard then overwhelms and overpowers you, and you can feel the void of where the love was supposed to go. That void hurts a million times more than not having somewhere safe for it to be placed …

The dark hole does still ache, tremendously and deep, inside of my chest. Paralyzing, way deep down inside yet numb, from the stark realization, that there is nowhere close for me to lay, the love that’s way deep down in my heart.

The void he has is still there, I feel it with fear and he’s blocking the place and making it hard to find that part of his heart where the love cried to go, so I felt that I’d just lost my case …

He lives almost an hour away ๐Ÿ˜ข so I don’t see him as often as my heart would okay. Holding me at a distance … unknowingly I think …

Day by day he gets further away from that secret place, He dives straight into that void and it’s deep in his heart …

Nevertheless, my ache has kept on, sadly aware and realizing there’s nowhere at all, in such a place, for my love to be accepted and given, without losing face …

The ache grows stronger for the love that it’s missed – gut wrenching pain – hurting so bad – slicing straight to my heart that’s so in need of grace …

That void in him longs to be filled … regardless of his fear that my love will get loose and then will depart … sneaking away … while he’s doing his part …

What he needs to know is that I’m here to stay and I can be what’s deep in both hearts …

It’s really quite painful when the fear of never having him begins … ever so slowly until the crescendos begin … up past the very ceiling that shields you within …

It’s a horrible ache stabbing into my soul that I’ve ever known because of one heart …

I can promise you, right from the start. I will never depart, it’s worth it to me from the tale of two hearts …

In some way it halts the love … that’s patiently waiting just to be placed … I know there’s love for me in that guarded heart … it’s okay because I already know before he tells me that part …

Tears fall for the love that is right in your face … by wanting to be noticed so much I may break … that makes it impossibly difficult for my love to be placed …

It’s the distancing he automatically does that can be felt in a flash … he neglects to acknowledge any one certain fact …

The love he silently craves … is hiding within but he keeps it so far … away from his heart yet she still needs a place … that her love can lie and won’t depart …

In his mind he may ask … Is it plausible that this secret love has a face … ?

I yearn to bond with his mind like before and our intimacies that would blow me away so far …

… out in space … and that kept me screaming his name all over the place …

I felt his defenses spring up from his core … from a secret place in him … a place that my heart would adore to explore …

Do you feel his void and my crushing ache, while hurting so bad …

… simply because my love, craves to be placed … ?

He used to radiate the thought that my love was approved … simply because he didn’t run … the entire time that he knew …

He seemed to good to be true and I see that in every sweet special thing that he’s done … I’m over the top that he’s my boo … it’s not a coincidence that this begun …

Love tries to escape from the depths of my core … to rush to the void and quickly fill his heart …

… only finding distance … which made my love turn around .. silently begging him not to depart …

.

… with deep labored breaths that seemed forced from my lungs … the void that he has secretly aches … yet the void silently tells me … that my love was noticed and appreciated and really need to be placed …

The way he makes love to me is wild …

… and then …

He stares at me with an intense look … while doing incredible things to my bod … when … I truly don’t want it to ever – ever end …

It’s all about him … conquering that fear … that all women are the same so those chances are slim … that he will shed not one tear …

Well, that’s not true and she’s right here beside you holding the mark … and the bond that you’ve shared deep down in both hearts …

She’s craved it to be … inside of her most secret place … but past demons appear to fill his void right in his face …

… instead …

… doing nothing but making his heart again fill with dread … that’s why there’s no room for my love to reside … in his secret place that my love craves to lie …

… wanting him to report … NO it wasn’t true … yet he believed it so much … it was hard not to misconstrue … being cemented and concreted just because of little trust … oh how he silently wanted it all so much …

It will … eventually … haunt him while causing him to wonder yet … Is her love really true … not wanting more than I’m able to give?

All that love I have way deep inside, waiting to be placed somewhere for my love not to hide.

I have all this love for you bursting inside, away from your doubts in order for your heart to allow me inside.

Letting you get deep into your stride, trying not to collide with your need for space.

While way deep inside, of my secret place, where I’m holding this love that is turned on by you, and with an ominous ache is his void is so huge? Since the love that I hold onto HARD yet, deep down inside, while knowing that it’s not allowed to be placed.

He’s protecting his spirit and I can relate while mine, can conquer and divide the demons that harass and take place, while making him keep it from love that’s shown in his face.

Yet he’s scared to release that small secret place where he let love come close – but he didn’t give place, harboring things that would have made others break.

He then showed me the side of his hero part to, he’s so brave and so strong –

I hear me now and I’m crying for you…

Moving robotically, day by day and shuffling through all the mess in my way.

The weight of that ache, settled deep in my mind, wishing hard and praying loud, screaming for that love to please be found.

Then, maybe his heart will come out and see, that my love needs to fill, that void and him not flee.

With him not wanting it, yet sensing he wanted it so, his heart could be healed by allowing a path for true love to grow. God had surely set them up to meet and get close inside his heart. His spirit had spoken up and with that pic in his mind, damn all of the sudden, he turned from me and groaned, then he closed himself off to the trails of my mind.
I’m holding on, with all of my might, slightly frantic it seems because I don’t want this fight. I want everything to remain the same, with our hot sexy times and yet I still need to know, “are we still exclusive deep down in your mind?”,

…all the while knowing, there’s no room in his heart, for him to be mine.

I knew from the start that I would probably get hurt deep down to the very core of my heart. He’s that precious to me to have in my life, that he’s keeping his distance doesn’t change the want that’s way deep down inside that special place that’s deep down in my heart.

Just remember, it all started with his void deep inside, where my love wanted to go and lay down to reside. He’s held me in his strong arms, no fear that I can see, he makes everything negative stay away from me.

Sometimes my love was allowed to get close and deep down inside.

just not quiteโ€ฆ

and that’s partly because my love was secretly keeping his hope alive!

Despite what he showed me that he didn’t want, any part of my love, that I have deep down in my heart …

Secretly he wished for a love so grand that it would put to shame, any past that he had.

He was fighting inside, perilously close to his heart… Whether or not to allow these feelings I’ve felt since the day that we met.

My hope is that one day, love would be allowed fully to see, and deep enough for the love to “feel“, all snuggly …

and warm way deep down inside, yet needing to rest and being right beside, the place, where his hope let’s my love survive!

With a lot of joy and hope just out of my reach, I knew this routine way better than most, also knowing inside of my deep down space, where I need his void to let my love to be placed.

Teasing me relentlessly, the strings of my heart, and waiting for patience, yet craving him hard.

The ache will never go away, for that person you need, your craving them relentlessly, just wanting your love to get deep down inside and take their void by surprise, so they will certainly survive!

There will be none to replace this one in my heart, he will forever have the key, to my heart , where my love lived right from the start!

Asking finally, where does my love go, if not to him? Answer. That love that is his and his alone will just wait around until it’s shown, that is okay to fill that void of his.

If that never happens… My love will still be right here outside just loving him anyway through everything indeed!

๐Ÿ’‹LIKE MY FB PAGE DEDICATED TO MY BEST FRIEND AND BEYOND ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’œ Finding your best friend with benefits

Read these posts about my bffwb:

Just maybe
Where does the love go

Tears falling down

A real man

The imprint of you on my heart

Why

Agonizing fear

To scared to pray

โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’› Thanxxx for reading and commenting and following โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’›
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… yOu … me …

I stay up at night thinking of

… yOu …

the BEAUTY of yOur sOuL radiates into

… me …

causing me to feeL

… yOu …

the amazement of yOu creates in

… me …

a deep excitement in seeing

… yOu …

causing a hurricane of thoughts in

… me …

I’m in wonderment of the essence of

… yOu …

yOu make my heartbeat throb …

… me …

I cause the naughty thoughts in…

… yOu …

yOu make tingles shoot through

… me …

making the private parts on

… yOu …

seek out the intimate parts on

… me …

making the emotions on

… yOu …

grab my face and begin kissing

… me …

while I grab for the hugs from

… yOu …

instead it’s yOu wanting from

… me …

my body pressed up against

… yOu …

clinging to the sOuL of

… me …

that brings out the radiating sOuL of

… yOu …

causing yOu to explode in

… me …

makes me gush all over

… yOu …

trembling – yOu hold

… me …

as tightly as I hold

… yOu …

sleep soon will come to

… me …

my heart will always belong to

… yOu …

ยฉchellesrawthoughts

โœ”๏ธ LIKE my FB page Finding your best friend and beyond that’s in honor of my guy and what we have that’s so amazing.

๐Ÿ‘ซ thank you for reading, commenting and following ๐Ÿ‘ซ

beyOnd beSt friendS ๐Ÿ‘ซ

I met him in the craziest way … God told me that first night that “he is the one” … and when I opened my door and saw him – I said, “oh yeah this one needs to stay” … silently I thought … “Wow thank You God – a job well done” …

We instantly bonded and were extremely turned on … partying, gabbing, heavily flirting and more … staying up making out until the first break of dawn … I was in heaven loving all of him and he was certainly no bore …

… for three days and nights we played, made love and fuc*ed … together we were off tha chain … we allowed nothing to interrupt … I couldn’t get this man outta my brain …

Making hot, steamy and naughty love was amazing times ten … it never mattered where the other had been … never did I know naughtiness was supposed to be like that … intimately speaking it was INDESCRIBABLE unlike any other I’ve played at …

… there were no games played and no lies told … refreshing to us that we both broke the mold … he brought me back to life … I was simply existing because inside of me there lay a lot of strife …

… over the course of several months our bond became stronger than strong … I felt in my gut that this couldn’t be wrong … time kept it’s pace … moving forward it did … we could always be found hanging out at my little place …

I completely fell and fell hard for this man … he took it in stride and had a secret plan … he showed me how a real man dealt with his life … and treated those close to him with patience while unknowingly keeping me alive …

He is my hero as well as my best friend and beyond … BEYOND benefits BEYOND love and BEYOND best friends … I am so in awe I can barely respond … he is so much BEYOND the traditional boyfriend …

I honestly could not live life without his heart … it was as if I’d known right from the start … God whispered that night, “He is the one” … “thank You God it was a job well done …”

๐Ÿ‘ซ this poem is about my guy – my best friend and beyond – he means the world to me … there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him … I know he would be the same way towards me! It’s been four years this month … since we met and have pretty much exclusive ever since …
“A soulmate connection is not sycophantic. No power struggles. No game playing. You donโ€™t have to worry about treading on eggshells or keeping the peace. You donโ€™t consider that words or actions will be thrown back and used as evidence should there be a future spat, although time will tell with this one. You feel their strength in the gentlest of ways and have no desire to hurt them, or test their loyalties. A soulmate connection says itโ€™s OK to be different, perhaps one of you thrives on social media, while the other prefers a more private existence, under the radar. Any stresses or di

fficulties are diminished with one word from the other, or a solitary text, in one fell swoop.”

๐Ÿ’ƒthank you for reading following and commenting๐Ÿ•บ

ยฉchellesrawthoughts

Broken beyond recognition

I’m breaking, my heart is completely breaking right now. I’m broken but I’m going to have to be okay. I just don’t know how the fuck I’m going to be okay

I don’t know if I am going to be able to handle what I feel may be coming.

I feel that it may be time to let things go, I just don’t feel that the situation is the same anymore and I cannot keep feeling that, staying where I am and be okay.

Not after seeing what I didn’t see, today!

Not if there’s a reason to hide something ~ anything … FROM ME! Once that is shown, deep down I know,

That needs to move around. They flipped, not me. I will offer option and by the reply, I will know …

But FUCK IT HURTS like a bitch …

No one cares

I’m all alone and I’m terrified to be …

What is it, is it me?

I never saw this coming but it’s here, and I tell myself you will want to stay …

With what we have is enough and not to much, unless it’s someone else and your just not telling me, because you truly don’t want me to hurt …

It would hurt less if I knew a hundred percent, that’s also more respectful, so that’s a definite hint …

My stomach aches and I’m going to throw up, no matter how you may feel, please respect my heart …

I’m petrified would actually better describe, the deep ass pain throughout my gut, stabbing me through to the other side …

It’s killing me deep down …

But a woman knows …

what vibes she’s getting, even if they may not know what vibes they’re giving …

A woman knows …

Dammit wtf have I done to deserve this paramount of pain?

All I ever did was love you beyond all reason, that’s all. That was my crime and from day one I knew I would eventually pay the price …

I really just don’t matter anymore, I’m boring to you maybe and that’s why you don’t want to ever hang …

anymore, like we did, damn I thought that shit was fun and insane …

Just come out and tell me boo bear … whatever it is … put me out of my misery before I enter a hospital instead …

It’s my own fucking fault but who knew the pain would be away, hiding way past the stars … I knew it would pounce one day, always hoping it was never tomorrow …

But today it is ๐Ÿ˜ญ

๐Ÿ˜I write this from an ADHD moment … where our thoughts are rampant and raging throughout our body 90,000 times per second … I thought wrong thoughts about my guy and thank God he’s so incredibly patient with me ๐Ÿ˜
๐Ÿ’œ Thank you for reading, commenting and following ๐Ÿ’š

hOw impOrtant iS a “sOuL cOnneCtiOn” in your relationship for it to be successful?

A sOuL cOnneCt is the glue that binds together yOur seX yOur sOuL and yOur parTnerShip as a whOLe tOgeTher …

My eXcLuSive partnership is prOOf of thiS. This iS the beSt reLationShip I’ve ever had in my entire life and it was definitely worth waiting 52 years for!

True love doesn’t hurt

Beyond best friends, beyond soulmates and beyond true love is what my guy and I have … my best friend and beyond

BeLOw I deSCribe EXACTLY what it takes to have a suCCeSSful parTnerShip …

Read this very carefully and you BOTH have to be in sync with this or it won’t work …

what it takes to have that RARE and unique sOuL cOnneCtiOn that iS almost unbreakable:

*100% COMPLETE HONESTY with OPEN COMMUNICATION so as to keep your partner informed as to where your head is at. This way there is no room for either of y’all to be guessing what the other is thinking etc… Those TWO things are the FOUNDATION NEEDED to begin and maintain a successful partnership …

I think that so many couples DON’T have that foundation because it wasn’t based on a SOUL CONNECTION. Because I KNOW if it IS based on a SOUL CONNECT it has no other option but to work in making a relationship successful (My own exclusive partnership is proof) … Otherwise without the soul cOnneCt … Couples aren’t striving as a team to build their relationship …

After the CRUCIAL FOUNDATION of HONESTY and COMMUNICATION are laid and SET LIKE CONCRETEadd the mix of YOUR RELATIONSHIP SUPER POWER (sOuL cOnneCt) –

*** this sOuL cOnneCtiOn cannot be forced – if it isn’t already present in your relationship is probably not going to be there if you have to try to make it happen …

… then … you MUST have these ESSENTIAL attributes (in BOTH partners) for it to be SUCCESSFUL:

*100% TRUST (for yourself as well as for each other)

*RESPECT (means that each person values who the other is and understands the other person’s boundaries)

*LOYALTY (to yourself, each other, and to your reLatiOnShip)

*FAITHFULNESS (to each other FOR your reLatiOnShip)

*INDIVIDUALITY

*COMPROMISE

*KEEPING OPEN LINE OF COMMUNICATION (this is mentioned twice because it’s that important)

*COMMITMENT

*LISTENING to each other

*OPENNESS (your as well as your partner is open, undefended and willing to be vulnerable and open in a sexual manner)

*FORGIVENESS

*SHOW APPRECIATION

*EMOTIONAL SUPPORT for each other

***BE A RIDE OR DIE FOR EACH OTHER it’s crucial to have each other’s back in ANY situation. You have to KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that “your partner has “got you”

*HUMOR

*THE MAGIC OF SMALL THINGS

*COMPASSION – The intention and capacity to relieve and transform suffering and lighten sorrows

*DEPENDABILITY

*AFFECTION

*EFFORTLESS – it should ALL come naturally

*ACCEPTANCE

*SELFLESSNESS

๐Ÿค” When ALL ATTRIBUTES ARE ADDED TO YOUR FIRM FOUNDATION OF HONESTY AND OPEN COMMUNICATION meaning they are SET firmly inside you and your partners sOuL (because your sOuL consists of your mind, your will and your emotions)

THAT IS HIGHLIGHTED TOGETHER – it’s completed with the RARE OCCURRENCE of instantaneous bonding of two souls causing a …

~ SOUL CONNECTION ~

๐Ÿ˜„ … then …

*add the bonus ingredient WHICH CAUSES the most AMAZING sex that you could dare dream of … therefore causing it all to โšกโšกโšกMAKE THE MOSTโšกโšกโšกUNBEATABLE โœŒ๏ธ ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽถ COMBINATION which creates an …

UNBREAKABLE BOND

similar to sOuL tieS the bibLe talks about

which makes for a โœŒ๏ธ ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽถ SUCCESSFUL PARTNERSHIP that would be ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE and EXTREMELY DIFFICULT for anyone outside the relationship to break through … for example someone can’t tempt your partner to cheat as easily because sOuL cOnneCt is almost unbreakable plus with this sOuL cOnneCtiOn you WILL NOT WANT TO OR THINK ABOUT BEING UNFAITHFUL … (Breaking the soulmate connection can be a very difficult process but it can be done if you set your mind, heart and soul to the task. The soulmate connection, and soulmate relationships, are formed from a very deep soul level connection with another human being.)

(These soulmate connections as they are formed and deepen over the time we spend with that soulmate become a part of us and part of our own soul so creating a termination to that bond can be a fairly painful process

(This soulmate connection as it is formed and deepen over the time that we spend with our soulmate … They become a part of us and part of our own soul so creating a termination to that bond can be a fairly painful process … read more here regarding sOuL tie diScOnneCtiOn … not having a sOuL cOnneCtiOn is how partners can succumb to temptation easily …)

This is what most reLatiOnShipS are miSSing … and the main reason cheating seems like an easy option … It’s not an easy option when your have all these qualities present as discussed here in this post

My opinion is that most couples in general will NOT have this RARE phenomenal relationship is because they aren’t willing to put forth the extreme effort in maintaining this on a daily basis. They want the outcome of …

what I’ve described to manifest in their relationship without going out of their comfort zone.

Learning about and VALUING what is important to each other will have the two of you creating your “perfect” world around your relationship.

Being up straight up front about your individual thoughts and feelings, along with the desired direction of the relationship – YOUR AGREEMENT OF THE DESIRED DIRECTION OF YOUR PARTNERSHIP IS CRITICAL – because that way one isn’t trying to change direction … because by NOT changing directions … your partner has the assurance you are respecting the boundaries they placed in front of you … This WILL ALLOW your relationship the freedom it craves to be happy and because your won’t be doubting your partner’s promise of NOT pushing you for something you may not be emotionally ready or able to give (for ex: if one of you has “caught feelings and the other hasn’t – and they do care deeply for you – be respectful and know they are giving you all they can – because IF the partner with feelings pushes for the relationship to be more of a commitment or whatever … that “pushing” will poison what trust is between the both you plus it breaks and tears down the bricks and will ultimately destroy the foundation built – and more than likely end it altogether.

On the other hand if you both keep to whatever agreement decided beforehand … The AMAZING freedom that comes – (freedom from knowing your partner is faithful and cares for you deeply, etc.) will allow you and your partner the opportunity to simultaneously explore yourselves and your relationship because your FIRM SET FOUNDATION AND BRICK STRUCTURE and highlighted with the sOuL cOnneCtiOn frees your relationship to grow as it was meant to be.

Comments are welcome and encouraged …

Like my fb page “FINDING YOUR BEST FRIEND AND BEYOND” they is dedicated to my guy and the unique bond we share …

๐Ÿ’“ Thank you for reading commenting and following ๐Ÿ’“

Agonizing fear ๐Ÿ˜ต (revised 05-27-19)

(This post that I created in February 2019 explains the insecurities I had early in my relationship with my bfab because of toxic relationships in my past. It also shows how my ADHD brain was going into overdrive and it also takes a look at how FEAR can paralyze you, emotionally and sometimes physically.)

Agonizing fear

Terror lashes out at me … paralyzing my entire body … numbness overwhelmes the deep parts of my soul … painful doubts stab through my heart …

Shaking …

trembling …

” … oh no, am I going to be abandoned, thrown away or chunked into emotional duress? …”

“No!

I cannot allow this again …”



Why?” kept going through my thoughts … “he is different and has a purpose in my life … he wouldn’t leave me” … my thoughts seemed to be mine … but not …


Braving myself for a painfuL emotional jaunt … whichย  continuously … scattered the shredded pieces of my heart ... floating through memories of before when my heart was young …ย ย  and how lethal people … raped my sOuL … time after time …


choking …



barely am I able to breathe … I would never make it … if he left … my thoughts were my own … still … but not …

” … I need you” …ย  my mind screams … roaring … inside my aching head …

… please don’t leave me isolated and hopelessly afraid …



“… I really do need you … it’s so beyond you causing my heart to race …”


anxious tingles …




… Coming at me from all over – SUDDENLY – the agonizing fear grips and hurts way deep down

in my gut …

“Why do I feel that something is wrong?”



” … please … I truly need you” ๐Ÿ’‹

… my very gut cries out …ย ย  AGONIZING … from deep within the darkness … that’s inside of me … while it turns into light … if only for a moment …

Wow … I really mattered enough … MIRACLE … you have shown me that I amย  importantI matter … never would I dared to dream … I would feel again … this way …

I FINALLY found one true angel in this horrible world …ย  See how much you have truly blessed my hurting soul ever since that first night when we met …


… This is a true grown up beyond normal love, not a feeling ๐Ÿ˜ that I could have ever imagined …ย 


… Realization hits me …

My gut has always been right … why didn’t I trust that when my soul cries …ย  it was trying to alert me … I am ever so grateful …

“… Thank you I cried silently … You gave me back … Me …”

๐Ÿ’œ May 27, 2019 โ€ฆ “This poem was written before I totally understood what true Loyalty meant. I’d never received it before so I thought this man would leave me the same way all the others left me.ย  I was to discover that this man was cut from a totally different cloth than the rest. He showed me I mattered.ย 
He gave me the best and most amazing gift in this world.ย  Meeeeeee ๐Ÿ˜‡ Thank you to my guy … My bfab … My hero” ๐Ÿ˜

Like my fb page that is dedicated to my bfab (best friend and beyond)

Other posts inspired by my bfab ~

Where does the love go

A real man

Just maybe
Tears falling down
The imprint of you on my heart

Why

To scared to pray
๐Ÿ’œThank you for reading, commenting, and followingโค๏ธ

๐Ÿ‘๏ธ simply LoneLy

๐Ÿ˜ž foreword ๐Ÿค” the reality that I’m taking about is the reality that although he’s (my best friend and beyond) not here, I know that he will be back soon, even if it’s not as soon as I would like. But the harshness and pain of loneliness is paralyzing at times.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธ Simply LoneLy …

… Emptiness inside – born from the pain that hurts every time – I miss you babe …

that loneliness creates …

… an emptiness created from craving the presence of that special one – that is unlike any other.

We connected INSTANTLY from hearing faint whispers, echoing deep within our sOuL.

… IT HURTS WHEN YOU AREN’T HERE …

Angrily, the brute force of feeling lonely stabs – through to my core slicing more painfully, into my pain while causing hot throbbing aches, while masking the clarity – that’s automatically taken from the safe images from our own reality.

My heart can be felt pounding hard beneath my chest. I’m feeling that torment … intense …

in fact …

I am shushed from hearing the mutters, emulating through the warmth, climbing out from my soul, came the truth born from sweet memories that we shared not to long ago.

I’m not comfortable in this zone, although I do know – the torrid jolts from missing you …

… The chill from the lonesome cry of my soul … pierce me … Knocking the breath that clings tightly and thoroughly, as I notice not the strain but rather the strength rising up …

… fierce devotion …

that’s felt distinctly for you

causing my tears to streak, sliding silently down my face … While focusing on impressions from long ago grace … and as I sit quietly … in my own little world – I remember this and a whole lot more …

I do know this – I know this for sure, since my son finally admitted to loving me more!

I remember …

that I hate … remembering …

… remembering alone …

;-(

… thankfully when this all took place – those deep thinking – awareness were deep and within God’s grace!

it’s searching …

for the ONE whose absences fills my heart with unforgiving emptiness, searing sharp pains yet I desperately try to regain some control.

Laughing sadly to myself, I know it hurts – when you yearn for someone’s presence – you miss with all your might …

Will I ever survive, fighting these pains that could certainly break me away?

Away from loneliness, because he told me …

Feeling that way is a waste …

… Then he smiled at me, and made my heart smile – while standing right in front of my face!

The mask covers me trying to hide reality – through the pain created by being lonely … and lonely covers me – with a dark blanket of intimate suffering … from yearning thoughts stemming from my core while craving your presence and so much more!

As I peer through that cloudy mask for a check on myself, it becomes virtually impossible for reality to make it’s way to where my soul can see – that’s the reality of deep loneliness indeed!

I don’t need a lot of people that are fake through the storms of life – the lonesomeness blinds me …

… hiding the truth – away from the harshness that my soul can see ~ I do so ache for REALITY.

Reality means that although you aren’t here – this very time – memories tell me that – the realness is when you get out of a bind and make a trip back, just to be with me here!

Yes, although right now your not physically around, due to work and issues that happen when life is abound …

Yet, once I hear you back up to my place, the excitement bursts from deep within and all the exploding from areas not while the song that’s inside my soul screams …

” … he’s here

You keep the emptiness and loneliness at bay … They slither to the corner, hissing at me, claiming to be bored and want me to play … Yet your presence clears the way that is free and the way you care keeps …

… ALL THE BAD THINGS AWAY FROM ME …

… Really wanting you close … Remembering your honesty, your loyality and trust – combined with hope

I SMILE … AS I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS …

knowing soon you’d be pulling up right here in my yard …

and we …

…will remember …

… That I’m remembering … I’m with you … I remember the fact …

… For once I’m not remembering alone …

๐Ÿ˜‰

Please LIKE my FB page –

Finding your best friend and beyond… dedicated to my exclusive guy – my bfab

โค๏ธ Thank you for reading commenting and following ๐Ÿ’š

๐Ÿ’„ COMPLETELY ME ๐Ÿ‘ 

People mistakingly believe ~ thinking they know me, because of what I show ~ it has to be true ~ they love to gossip and make fun … while passing judgement on what they see and think they know ~ but all they REALLY know, is what I show … because BITCHES I’m in control …

I’m so much more than they can see … Never can I allow them to see …

COMPLETELY ME …

I made the mistake, when I was so young ~ to trust a little to easily … I learned quite fast that people suck ~ that’s why there’s but one that cared enough for me ~ to go through the darkness and slay the dragons for me

So ~ he’s the only one I show the real me … Because always with him I’m

COMPLETELY ME …

It pains me deep inside that some see me ONLY as a bitch, a slut, no good, lazy, stupid, a problem, a burden or they think I just don’t care

When …

All I do is care. Not what people think so much, but care that I’m seen for MY heart, not MY mistakes …

I cared to much and years ago that almost broke my soul,

And still now … I care … But the hardness I learned to use to cover it up … Masks me now, so … THEY CAN NEVER SEE …

COMPLETELY ME …

I was hurt to much, by fake souls acting like they should be close to me. They ruined it for all, with one exception you see ~ my tough exterior will never show them what I don’t want them to see ~ because all they will ever be allowed to see, is what I show … because BITCHES I’m in control!

They don’t have permission to see, the complete me or the me I was always supposed to be. I’m NOT GOING TO ALLOW THEM ~ TO HURT ANYMORE OF ME ๐Ÿ‘  There’s only one allowed inside of me ~ just so he can see and that’s my soulmate that’s free ~ free to see EVERY part of me ~ because always with him I’m

COMPLETELY ME!

The hard exterior I aquired, in order to be, came at a heavy price you see, so the softness inside … could not be crushed one more time.

Because, I only show them what I want them to see …

Because I’m so much more than anyone is allowed to see … They do not deserve to see … the me I was supposed to be … it’s all about him being able to see … Because always with him I’m

COMPLETELY ME …

Not many have made it past the hardness that’s shielding me ~ only a handful in reality ~ because only a few deserved to remain with me ~ because they can hang with me ~ be loyal to me and those who can’t … Who can never see ~ the me I was always supposed to be? The main population indeed was never going to deserve ~

COMPLETELY ME!

I can be sensitive, sweet, stubborn, goofy, quick to forgive, discerning, and even sometimes afraid. The last few came with time and deep pain …

Shouldn’t I show only certain parts of me, that the hardness hides of me? But it won’t change the fact ~ that I won’t allow any to see … The me that I was supposed to be …

But ~ always with him I’m

… completely me

Others see bits of what I permit them to see. So, call me names or talk bad about me because although I do care ~ never will you see, the reality of me … To be able to get past and inside of me because there is only that one ~ that is free to see ~ because always with him I’m …

COMPLETELY ME …

THERE’S JUST SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN I ALLOW ANYONE TO SEE …

Only my best friend and beyond is free ~ to hang with me …

People pretend to care and it’s plain to me ~ it’s for vicious reasons you see ~

That no one cares

because of greed and jealousy ~ however in reality ~ no one really cares about you nor do they care about me … unless by magic and grace the true angels appear …

Those precious few that stick close, are the ones that you don’t have to fear and you shall allow them to be ~ keepers of the keys to your soul indeed ~ so the the fake ones won’t see ~ so never again will you show anyone but him … Because

Always with him I’m …

COMPLETELY ME …

Those angels are rare … Don’t let them go, hold onto them tightly ~ Mine are precious to me ~ my angels … They are down for me ~ Those angels are very few you see and there’s only one that can ever see.

Completely me …

If you don’t know me ~ and all you see, is a mask hiding a big part of me … Don’t be surprised because indeed you won’t need ~ to actually see ~ the me that I’m supposed to be.

Once you care enough to climb over my walls and dig in with me, I’m loyal to mine, and when they’re loyal to me …

That’s when they will see, completely ME.

๐Ÿ‘“ This post touches on people’s hurts and the walls they put up after being hurt, whether it’s emotionally or physically ~ when this happens they usually shut everyone out, especially if they have been hurt time and again, but if they are blessed, they have that one person who they let in … A lover, friend, sibling, etc … In my case, it is my best friend and beyond ~ my soulmate … I hope this brings hope that even though people suck … Don’t give up on finding one that you can 100% trust.

LIKE my fb page dedicated to my BEST FRIEND AND BEYOND (because he’s beyond a best friend with benefits)

๐Ÿ’™ Thank you for reading, commenting and following ๐Ÿ’œ

Just maybe …

… Progression … little by little … I’m moving closer to the me that’s deep in my soul.

Floating, with tears falling and seeing no end … I’m there smiling because I know what it took,

To make it where I am presently. Strong, yet fragile … holding inside what most couldn’t handle …

On the outside … struggling though no one saw, barely making everything seem normal to those around.

Not a lot of distance between us … and, I can’t help but daydream about you in many suggestive ways …

Suggestions appear in my head, maybe your thinking about me?

… I desire you, pondering about me, for any amount of time. I would smile, then cry with happy tears,

But do you ever really just think about me and how you like my smile? my laugh? my kiss? my touch? … Crazy!

Over and over thoughts turned in my brain, in wonderment at YOU getting into me … was it possible?

I do hope it was an accurate wish. Secretly, my daydreams turn into you …

Stars fall down from the sky, twinkling their fire … gazing up watching them descend past the darkness,

Progression … I feel the blood race to my face, I cannot hide what you draw out of me,

passion … passion …

Igniting my soul with a flame higher than the clouds … Oh yes, you’re in most every thought that’s

Floating down, passing up all the rest … In my heart. There will not be others taking up room

Inside my head … Only you, your smile, your smirk, your eyes, your voice, and your personality combined …

With sexual tension, growing daily, between … hotter than hotter … distance …

Are you maybe, just maybe having thoughts about me?

That would be possibly the most awesome thing

To happen … Progression … I’m dealing the only way I know how,

Dangling, was me in the tree … It’s all about you, even when it’s about me because I’m all about you … haven’t you seen?

Progression is advancing toward the process of advancement. Although you … standing by me, thick or thin … Hero!

It’s never there, I’m painfully aware, in my life … You’re hanging sometimes far back from me,

Accepting … but silently my heart smiles, grateful for your eyes … they tell the truth ~ no place to hide.

Loyal yet sexy, still they show more than you really know, or else you would put sunglasses

On and just walk on out.

They show what we have, what I’m always daydreaming about … some part of your presence

That fills me up, screaming your name and your eyes … They show me a lot deep in your soul, you may not want me to see

But I “feel” it and those fiery eyes tell me you do, for real, care more than a lot, about me …

Just maybe, you will see that as okay, nothing will change. I’m falling down … inside my head,

Breathing rapidly … Seeing strength and allowing pain, to sear through me

Showing me, I would be crushed in my soul, if you ever disbarred …

In my greater old age. See, I’m going to need you for as long as I’m alive in this place …

Progression sees the beyond that we have between, grinning and at peace, finally inside.

If not you stay, that’s a defeat … In my mind, my heart, my emotions yet will …

It come out, in other places? Only those eyes, they tell your soul, when they are staring me down … With you pressing down on me

I tell you … to …

dive deep into my soul …

Where there are no lies, and I can see yours, from your beautiful eyes …

๐Ÿ’‹ LIKE my Facebook page I created in honor of my bfwb!

๐Ÿ˜Š Other posts about my bffwb:

A real man

Where does the love go

NEVERLAND for mature readers

Tears falling down

The imprint of you on my heart

Beyond the scope of normal For mature readers

Why

Agonizing fear

To scared to pray

๐Ÿ’š Thank you for reading, commenting and following ๐Ÿ’™

Tears running down … ๐Ÿ’ง

The tears are not going to stop, they are running down my face.

My soul cringes,

knowing the tears will make the thoughts come alive.

Forever searching inside,

grabbing myself from deep inside

trying to hold it back

The need for reassurance is there

I must share my head with you,

it’s a must, guessing is not an option

Understand that it hurts

when you flippantly tell me that it’s none of my business…

try to “see” where I’m coming from,
Put your head where mine rests… Being afraid that one day you will say…
I’m hanging out with a new friend.

Crushed beyond reason is what I’d be

If that were to happen.

That’s why all you have to do is tell me

where your head is, because guessing is dangerous for me.

I need your honesty, not your anger,

Your acceptance, not your mean words….

Your understanding, not your condemnation.

Your reassurance, not your rude comebacks…

Because those are so unlike you… You are defensive for no reason,

Haven’t I earned

That much respect, and

haven’t I been true in our best friendship thus far?

It’s not you reporting, it’s simply YOU being kind to the one who is kind to you.

Reassurance would stop it all…

Please don’t keep it from me….

It’s not me trying to control you, it is YOU being

considerate of your bfwb…

that needs to be told, gently, that

No one is taking her place.

Reassurance would stop it all…

Those thoughts…

Dead in their tracks.

I don’t get why you won’t do that

just to help,

To make it easier…

Especially bc I’m trying very hard

To continue to trust.

Don’t make me pay with tears

because you know how much I care.

My heart is pretty fragile

but you think it’s made of steel…

It’s hard when negative

Enters in,

To continue to trust …. while reassurance would

Be so welcomed for needed peace,

Inside my heart.

What would it really hurt?

To tell me what’s up?

If you know how I mean it…

It’s for reassuring comfort, deep down inside me.

Other posts about my bffwb:
Where does the love go

NEVERLAND for mature

readers

A real man

Just maybe

Tears falling down

The imprint of you on my heart

Beyond the scope of normal for mature readers

Why

Agonizing fear

To scared to pray

13 proven ways to improve your soulful, sexual and naughty relationship with your partner ๐Ÿ’• ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’• fyi ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’• (revised)

๐Ÿ’• I believe that the naughtier the couple, the closer the bond, in an erotic and soulful and sensual way that’s unlike any other.

This type of bond is very hard to break. That coupled with two people that have a basic solid foundation (meaning: honesty, 100% trust, being trustworthy, loyal, being faithful and showing respect) and tripled with the fact that they also practice these attributes in their every day relationship, make your relationship and sex an UNBEATABLE COMBINATION!

I’ve proven all these different techniques are true in my own life!

Here are 13 proven ways to improve your relationship by getting naughty with your partner:

1) HONESTY AND COMMUNICATION: They let the other one know EXACTLY where their head is at! (Where you will discuss anything between yourselves so you both know what’s up with each other).

(By doing this, it will stop a lot of wondering about things like: “do they love me”, “are they cheating”, etc….?)

It will also stop a lot of accusations and so forth …

It just simply helps both to feel free enough to have complete trust for each other.

That trust is a major part of your foundation, as well as communication being yet another.

2) TALKING DIRTY: Communication is especially important and essential during your sexual encounters. Naughty talk is a huge turn on, for men and women alike. Embarrassed to talk dirty to your partner? Don’t be.

Isn’t it better to TRY naughty and dirty talking in hopes of enjoying it and bringing your relationship closer and be more intimate as a couple, or do you want to just stay as you are right now sexually?

Don’t you like it when your significant other talks naughty to you? I know I love it!

Just try it because you just may just like it and find it completely and totally arousing!

3) NAUGHTY SEXTING: dirty and naughty sexting is a huge turn on. Ladies send your partner a pic of your boobs or a sexy pic of all of you. Men love that and would welcome it during a hard day at work. Jus sayin’!

Men, sext to your partner all the things you want to do to them the next time you see them. Don’t send dick pics unless requested. Words flatter us, but back those words up!

4) USE TOOLS: The Bad Girls Bible (link below) can also be used as a tool during foreplay ๐Ÿ’• Find something you would like to try, for example: a sensual, erotic and slow all over full body massage, etc.

Click this link to see all the awesome sexual things you can try together.

5) USE PROPS: Make it fun, sexy, erotic and tantalizing for each other. Add candles by placing them around the room, have some baby oil or massage oil on hand to rub your partner down during that erotic and sensual massage, or use your imagination.

6) GIVE SENSUAL MASSAGE AS FOREPLAY: Ladies and gentlemen, start with the back and legs, work your way slowly all the way around to his front. They will already be squirming, so titillate them, tease and play with them, drive them to their knees (so to speak). I love it when I make my guy moan. It’s so incredibly seXy and makes me crazy with desire. It also makes me want to search for different ways to make him cry out in that seXy way again. Am I right people?

It’s VERY hot โœŒ๏ธ

7) FOOD FUN DURING FOREPLAY: Serve some finger fruits such as: strawberries or grapes. Add whip cream as a fun dip (you can surely have A LOT of fun with this!!!) and take turns feeding each other.

This can get STEAMY very quick!

Ladies, then get messy with it and smear it all over his private area and slowly lick it off him, one section at a time, teasing him relentlessly! Bring your partner to the brink of climax and stop ~ it will make it bigger and better when they finally do climax!

Men, you can also spread it all around your partner’s private area and lick it off so they will be squirming and begging for more …..

๐Ÿ’•fyi: See, by this time he (or she) is so turned on, they grab you and ravage you hopelessly! That is what makes you sexually melt and fully give yourself to your lover!
I know it makes me literally melt and I’m like a rag doll, having one orgasm after another without even trying.

8) SET THE TONE: Have some sexy music playing. Personally, the slow and sexy hip hop songs make the mood sexy, but choose whatever type of music that’s going to enhance YOUR sexual mood.

๐Ÿ’•fyi: In all my discussions with a variety of people about this subject, not one person claimed to have listened to heavy metal, classic rock or even country during hot and naughty sex.

Those generes of music are not usually synonymous with feeling sexy or naughty. I happen to agree with that. So find something with a slow but seXy beat that makes the passion burn inside you. It will deeply enhance the spicy tone, already floating in the air.

9) SPEAK UP DURING SEX: (This is mostly for the LADIES) Men love it when their partner tells them exactly what they want from him during sex. This turns men on BIG-TIME! It really gets their primal juices flowing in anticipation knowing what is going to happen!

๐Ÿ’•fyi: When a partner is enjoying what they are doing, that is a MAJOR turn on to the receiver.

Try it, don’t be shy! Your man is going to have YOU on his mind a lot after this! Isn’t that reason enough to try this and other things?

10) ORAL SEX: Men also NEED for their women to give EXCELLENT blow jobs …. “Just do to it what you would want done to yours, if you had one.” That’s what I do and most definitely swallow. A blow job without the swallowing is not a good blow job. It is lacking something from a man’s viewpoint.

Ladies, I know that you don’t want your man to think of you and have the picture of unfulfilled sex in his mind.

Do you?

No, you want him to think of the EXCELLENT blow job you gave him the night before or the sexy foreplay ideas you tried on him to make his toes curl! You want him to think sexually positive when it comes to you. So, do your best with the swallowing. My guy tastes like cotton candy, and I love it!

๐Ÿ’•fyi: If you don’t enjoy giving your man a blow job or you refuse altogether, there’s a good chance he could go looking for that naughty fix from someone else’s mouth. I’m just being real here and that may be a RAW sensitive statement but it’s true. Most men WILL get that taken care of one way or the other. So, wouldn’t you want it to be from you?

๐Ÿ’•fyi: don’t give a boring blow job by just going up and down, no, lick him all around on his testicles and he will love it! Swirling your tongue around on his penis is much more of a turn on.

So, if you want to keep your man wanting YOU and thinking of YOU sexually ….. Put your mouth to work!

๐Ÿ’•fyi: Make the initial bj last for at least 3-5 minutes before you take a breather. If you are using all your mouth muscles, you should have tired jaws at this point. (If your giving it your all)

Then after a couple minutes (while you are stroking him to keep him interested while your gathering your momentum) keep it up for another 3-4 five minute rounds, this will be winding him up and getting him ever so HOT in the process.

Men, give your partner oral sex, don’t just expect them to give it to you. Make her CRAZY and let her “cum” to new heights because of your skills. She will always have you on her mind if you do this consistently!

11) LADIES wear revealing clothes, (no matter what your size.) When something makes you “feel” sexy, it will scream “sexy”outwardly! Men love sexy outfits and you don’t have to spend a lot of money. Rip some of your old t shirts and make them sexy.โœŒ๏ธThey love this and it also gives you guys extra sexual communication time, as well as help your verbal skills in the naughty department! (If they have been lacking in that crucial area)

There are to many couples that just do not talk to each other.

How can you expect sex to be HOT if you can’t even talk to each other? Come on y’all! It may take work but it’s FUN WORK!

12) EXTRA HELP: If you would like to add even more spice, bring something to calm you and release your inhibitions.

Go ahead and pour yourselves some of your favorite drink or maybe a little 4:20 is what you prefer, to calm and settle you into the beyond seXy moment. Allow yourselves to just “chiLLax” and play!

13) EROTIC THINGS YOU CAN DO TOGETHER: A lot of men, ladies too, enjoy mutual masterbation. This is one way to heat things up real fast! It’s a really huge turn on for both parties. Don’t be shy, let your drink or your roll chill you out, while you get your dildo and then show him how good you can work it on yourself. It’s guaranteed that the men will like this one. Ladies, watch him stroke his while you are doing this. THIS IS A HUGE TURN ON!

๐Ÿ’•fyi: You can also record yourselves doing this. You can tantalize and tease your partner by shooting them a copy during their work day. They won’t be the same after you do this.

The list is actually endless with the things you can try. The Bad Girls Bible site will have some sexual activity that catches your eye, just you wait and see!

Have a blast together!!!

You will have your partner addicted TO YOU if you keep these proven suggestions up steadily for any given amount of time.

I challenge you to try these tips, or any others you may learn about for one month, on an unremitting basis.

Try spacing all of the above activities out (at different times throughout that month) and I promise, you will see the difference in your sexual relationship!

You will feel closer and bonded in a way that you never have before.

Not to mention, it will bring you that much closer in the emotional part of your relationship. It’s a win-win situation!

(LADIES & GENTLEMAN ……..Are you up for this challenge?)

Only when sex and soul “cum” together and happens will your (and your partner’s) “beast” be unleashed and unbridled!

Practicing these tips consistently will bring your sex and soul together!

It may take a while for this to occur, however, do not rush it. That will ruin everything. It will NEVER happen if you rush. Just simply ENJOY YOUR JOURNEY ๐Ÿ’• to those sexual heights and where your partner is taking you.

Let me know how your first encounter goes!!!

Leave a comment below !!!

๐Ÿ’•CHECK out my FB page that’s dedicated to my bfwb ๐Ÿ’• and LIKE IT!

โœŒ๏ธโœŒ๏ธ Also my FB page for awareness on LEGALIZATION of 4:20

๐Ÿ’› Thank you for reading, commenting and following ๐Ÿ’œ

The imprint of you on my heart

Ohhhh, have I gone to far in my need of you?

Life is to scary without your presence … I want your attention, your recognition that I matter…

Life tried to change me and I struggle to deal but your hand has always been there, for me.

Hoping you will stay patient one more time,
with my moments of
deep revelations I have inside โค๏ธ screaming at myself inside to stop the negative thoughts…

So you won’t leave me floating in the wind.
I’m satisfied, I tremble and as I glance at you,
Are you satisfied? I wonder, shamefully. I would do anything for you… Please don’t leave.

Thoughts swirling so fast
Prayers for you to understand, please stay or I will die inside.

Fear abounds but I say

NO MORE
It screeches to a halt…

I already knew, deep down past the fear. You’ve never let me down.

I know I can never lose you … Or else I would be lost.

๐Ÿ’•LIKE my fb page that is dedicated to my BFWB ๐Ÿ’‹

Other posts about my bfwb: Where does the love go

NEVERLAND for mature readers

A REAL MAN

Just maybe

Tears falling down

Beyond the scope of normal for mature readers

Why

Agonizing fear

To scared to pray

Caught between struggling and serenity

I’m in a place that is serene mixed with disarray. I wonder if anyone else understands what I mean by that?

I am I’m the process of learning a lot about myself for the first time in my life and it’s an incredible experience, I must say! It’s scary yet it is very surreal as well.

I’m dealing with a few health issues at the moment.ย  Adult ADHD which is undiagnosed and untreated, diabetes 2, COPD, and that’s it for now. I’m also in the process of quitting smoking. I’ve got a lot going on and the progression of the ADHD had gotten worse over the last few months and it’s been very difficult to live with.

I’m not very old and in my mind I’m very young but I suppose in the general scheme of things, I’m aging but I know where it counts, I won’t ever grow up, thankfully! I try daily to be positive and focus on helping myself and others.

Life is full of surprises that’s for sure and if your not paying close attention you may miss the lessons you are supposed to learn. I know I missed a lot in my life I was supposed to learn because I wasn’t listening. I’m just thankful that I learned any lessons at all. I was a late learner, but at least I didn’t quit until I learned and gained wisdom. My best friend and guy helps me a lot and I suppose I’m too dependent on him but he handles me like a champ.

So, this crossroads is a weird place to get in life but I can feel it’s very necessary in order to move forward. I’m just reaping what I had sown in the past. Bad decisions can ruin your life.

Is this something I can bounce back from? I wonder this deeply inside, God, I hope so because I have the faith inside that I can. I don’t know where it comes from but it is always there. Not allowing me to quit.

I’m apprehensive now because I know I’m very fragile emotionally.ย  I’m good in general; however, I just need to be aware of that fact and be gentle with myself. (We tend the be hard on ourselves and that could keep us from moving forward in and itself, so watch how you treat yourself. Others abuse us, please don’t abuse yourself too).ย  I will have too get through this, somehow.

Sheer determination grips my heart โค๏ธ showing me that it is in control. I can’t sleep but I can write and focus on answering questions on QUORA and promoting my blog in hopes to make money soon with it.ย  I’m driven, hard, even in the throes of insomnia.ย  It helps me to help others when I’m feeling this way.ย  It drives me, yet I’m exhausted to my bones.

There must be no other option, I must survive this. I’ve never quit before I won’t start now.

I tell myself it will all be okay and this to shall pass โœŒ๏ธ now I have too believe it.

*Look for my Facebook pages that focus on the STIGMA of living with ADHD and addictions and recovery as well. https://www.facebook.com/stopandkillthestigma/
https://www.facebook.com/steppingintorecoverywithJesus/

Would TRUE LOVE allow you to cheat?



Here is a story about one of my many surfs through quora.com. I like helping people who I look for issues I’m qualified (from life experiences) to address.




My RAW thoughts today are about cheating. As I coasted through quora.com earlier, I answered a couple questions about cheating so I thought I would see what your RAW thoughts were about this sensitive yet emotionally harmful subject well as share myself RAW thoughts with you!ย 

Cheating confirms that pure love does not exist in the mind or heart of its enforcer.
Sorry but I’m just being for real.

This revelation has burst open me from the inside out of my core on one thing God has intended me to learn from this difficult road i allowed life to put me on.

โญThe lesson here is too be genuine and respectful worth your partner.ย  Leave before you cheat, try watering your own grass at home and keep it rich and happy.ย  “My partner doesn’t give me what I need sexually” is the most common reason for cheating. Well you know what? What you do is make him/her naughty and felt intriguing by you. There are plenty of sites for tools that will do just that. Try http://www.badgirlsbible.com for tips from AMAZING foreplay, massages, blow jobs, what excites men and women, ideas for hotter sex.
If this doesn’t work then I suggest you get out of the relationship.

You should not have to “try” anyway, because I feel that if it is true love, then it will come naturally. It’s just that simple!

Knowing what true love really makes you feel inside it is no longer a mystery to me. It’s a reality that God blessed me with to take me higher on the journey yet to be.




If you were ever in TRUE LOVE with someone would you be able to bring yourself too cheat on them? Honesty please. Why? Because it is too serious to play games with someone’s heart.

I feel that only people that have experienced pure true love can really answer but i welcome all answers from everyone. If you have you think about whether or not you have experienced this rare feeling then chances are no, you have not.ย  Your probably experiencing lust.ย  That won’t last and you will get hurt, promise.

I have been blessed enough to have experienced true love in my young golden years. The knowledge of what I found was mind blowing because the love in is pure form is so beyond the love we know.

โค๏ธ It was worth the wait believe me. My answer is a definite NO I could NEVER BRING myself to cheat on someone that has brought out the pure love in me, sexually and otherwise..

How do I know, well explanations are futile but it’s because I just know.

๐Ÿ’œ I also know I never experienced it in the past years until I was in my sweet fifties. That was clear to me in retrospect of this AMAZING journey.

I wasn’t even looking for an exclusive partner when I was found by him.ย  I was too far gone in my own meager existence, weighed down by my bad choices in life.

Experiencing my own karma and rightly so.ย ย  It’s important to own your wrongs and learn from them what you were created to learn.
With him just being himself, he made me realize my worth because I was too whipped by life in exhaustion to see it on my own.ย  I mattered and I needed to know that.ย  I mattered. How could I matter because I was a worthless person in my own eyes and I’m sure others as well. Wasn’t that obvious in my bad decisions I made? Or was I just going crazy?
I was about to see why.

I believed in the magic of love as a young girl but how miraculous was it that it was live and up close and personal with me in real life.

This is the way it was intended too be.ย  If people realized this in it’s depth, they would not play games in it’s name.ย  Wow โญ
The grass is NEVER GREENER than your own lawn that you keep fertilized and watered. Remember that!

True love CANNOT cheat! It has so much more of a deeper meaning than anyone can comprehend.


What are YOUR RAW THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS?

***sometimes the problem with agreeing to this would be to admit that you were wrong all the times before in your desperate tries of “love” in your past.ย  They seem childish in comparison since you now see clarity.ย  Some are too weak minded to deal with that reality.

This person may be intended to be my forever BFWB or he may not but what the lesson here was: True love DOES exist in it’s purest form if you open yourself up to experience it.


Now I can stand on my own a bit more than I could before.ย  It’s crazy of how fragile I was when he met me. He had been so patient through it all, I’m very blessed.

He had remolded me back to a state that I felt whole again.ย Life had shredded me into millions of pieces, strong yet so vulnerable. But Iย  mattered enough to put those pieces back together.
I didn’t know that I mattered before that day.
โค๏ธ That is true love โค๏ธ

Why

Let me first explain how this particular blog post was born. It was early in our exclusive relationship and I had mistakenly believed my BFWB had lied to me. Later on I figured out that I was wrong but I had already written this to him. I was so thankful I had been wrong …

05-03-19 revised

Now I’m rewriting this because of the one hidden thing, all I want to know is WHY did you hide what you didn’t have to?

Why?

Of all people, me! I’m broken beyond recognition,

Why?

You crushed my very soul

Put out my fire, and hurt me in places

I didn’t know existed.

You hid something from me.

Why?

I just don’t get it ๐Ÿ˜ญ

That cuts me more
Than the possibility of you
replacing me in your life which that scares me to the horrible depths

Of my fucking heart. You hid your list from me!

Why?

I thought that I gave you the best of both worlds. Only asking to be exclusive.

I’ve backed off as much as I possibly could with you pulling away from me every day.

I felt that and was afraid.

Why did you hide that from me?

Are you pulling away thinking I am like the rest in your past, testing me as such…

I long for you to just enjoy hanging again ~

I gave my heart to you and all

I expected was loyalty in return.

But you had to go and hide that. I’m devastated..

Why?

Loyalty and respect went out the window when you hid that from me.

I know I’m hard to love, even like but before now there was never a problem!

Why don’t you like me anymore because I feel it and it is ripping my heart into shreds.

How did I deserve to be

disrespected so bad?

To my very bones, I am hurt. Because, you felt you couldn’t show me what you hid.

Why!?

Why?

You despise liars and thieves,

People that pull out moves like that,

That is what I don’t understand …

How could you treat me like so lowly,

Me, who would do anything in this world for you, like I never mattered at all.

Unless for another and you don’t want to say, because of whatever reaction you think I may give.

But damn, you hid that away from me, unnecessarily. That’s what made me feel, there was something to hide?!

Am I just that dumb?

why?

I want us to stay like we are, I need you in my life!

You know I will never ask you for what you cannot give,

Your more important to me than I ever realized, and I figured that out, with your pulling away.

I don’t think I can make it every day without you.

I’ve grown used to our sex, and our deep but open friendship, or is that all just felt on my side?

~ then i think again about you felt that you had to hide something you knew I’d notice and be hurt inside and also to wonder, will I ever be able to let you go if you so choose?

Had I been wrong

…..To let you in?

I will give you any thing you need.

Please stay

Losing you would not be good for me

However I need you to be completely honest with me, no matter if it hurts me or not.

I don’t want to bother, if that is gone!

Please stay with me and….

then the reason you hid,

Well at least, maybe you will finally tell me and

I will know why.

(I hope I can add this after we talk)

โค๏ธ

I just found out,

You may have hid,

Maybe you had fears of getting to close or simply are sick of me being around.

But at least tell me … So I know why.

… because I know now… You will never leave.

My hopes were finally right! Your never going to leave me alone!

โค๏ธ Thank you for reading, commenting, and following โค๏ธ

LIKE my fb page dedicated to my bfwb๐Ÿ’‹

Other posts about my bffwb:

Where does the love go

NEVERLAND for mature readers

A real man

Just maybe

Tears falling down

The imprint of you on my heart

Beyond the scope of normal for mature readers

Agonizing fear

To scared to pray

To scared to pray

He is my world now, my unsung hero ๐Ÿ˜‡
His depths are amazing to meโ€ฆ a young woman’s hope of a true man .. materialized…

With the patience if a saint … With my rebel ass โ€ฆ I’m not easy and sometimes I am overwhelming unknowingly.
My ADHD at it’s finest.

But he breezes through it and calms me down like a champ at the same time.

Handling me perfectly, and sincerely.ย  His charisma is off tha chain in every way, in my eyes. He truly is my HERO. Saved me from drowning and it was unnoticed by most but he saw right through me…

And cared anyway…
He looks past my unique health issues that will never go away n still makes love to me with an amazing passion.

It’s obvious to me He finds me seXy and I find that really attractive.

He couldn’t make love to me the way he does and not have feelings for me in some way.ย  ๐Ÿ’• See my blog post “Beyond the scope of normal”
https://wp.me/paI9nk-2G

I feel his feelings are ever so strong (maybe they don’t match mine but that doesn’t matter, I know he cares) and I know it’s just my hopes.

He may never admit it but I already know. I don’t have to hear him say any special words to me because I already know by his actions.ย 
That’s enough for me. I’m not going to change, I’m going to keep being me.ย  The real me he brought out for the world to finally see.
I finally found ME!ย  It’s a process of learning who I am after not knowing my whole life.

Love is a verb.ย  His actions speak volumesโ€ฆfrom his true character. He is a real man, unlike no other I have ever met in my life. I’m in awe of him today.

He truly sees the real me, deep inside my core.ย  He found me, and in doing so I pledged my loyalty happily forever, automatically… inside. He also was blessed with the utmost patience with me!

God gave me to him on purpose for the very purpose of showing me who I was as well as helping me through this weird and difficult time in my life.

I harbor a deep respect for this man, a beyond love. (because it’s so much more than what the surface definition shows)ย  It is a soul connection, met at the deep emotional level, mixed in with a deep sexual connection.ย  Both of these together make an UNBEATABLE connection.
This is a true warrior soul showing me my own worth.ย ย  He’s my answered prayer that I was too scared to prayโ€ฆ.. But God heard anyway.

God gave me to him knowing that I would love him beyond all reason ~ to never take him away.ย Now, I always pray.

Like my fb page dedicated to my bfwb

Other posts about my bfwb:
Where does the love go

NEVERLAND for mature readers


A real man

Just maybe

Tears falling down

The imprint of you on my heart

Beyond the scope of normal for mature readers


Why

Agonizing fear




๐Ÿ’œThank you for reading, commenting, and following๐Ÿ’š