WTF

What makes some people disrespect OTHER people, for no substantial reason? Have you ever wondered that?

Well I certainly have, especially now because I’m experiencing an outright disrespectful person in my own life. He’s almost to the point of graduating from verbal to physical abuse, in my opinion.

This specific person in my life is completely disrespectful to me, constantly. This person blatantly disrespects me, as if he owns me.

He is close to me in proximity so I won’t disclose his name. This man has yelled at me, gotten right up close and personal and in my face more than once, and I don’t know the reason behind that hatred toward me.

I was told it was because of the fact that I have dated outside of my race (remember, I’m in the Bible belt), and he didn’t like that. It is none of his business who I date, period. I could day the same thing about him, that I didn’t respect him for being in prison for murder for most of his adult life. I’m not one to hold anyone’s past in their face, but don’t think I won’t say something if the opening is there.

Racism is dominant in most of areas here in East Texas, some more than others.

That can’t; however, be the entire truth about his reason because I know a friend of theirs and she has also dated black men before. He doesn’t treat her that way, he’s usually in a good mood around her.

No, he verbally attacks his adult daughter and me. Why, I have no clue, but he regularly pounces on us for no reason. There is NEVER a good reason to verbally abuse and attack someone. You can get your point across much better in a calm discussion.

People that are that hateful are pitiful in my eyes, especially when they do absolutely nothing to change themselves. It shows what a coward they are and how weak they are as well.

I do my best to ignore him, but it’s difficult when he’s in my face screaming as loud as he can. There is no sense in all that stupidity, yet he clings to it like it’s his life preserver.

Last night he did it again. It’s like he senses some weakness inside of me and he pounces and attacks verbally.

He’s actually pulled a chair out from under me and while I was in the process of trying to get up and away from him, he pulled it and my back was twisted pretty bad. I have a blog post written about that very incident.

So yes, I’m more than a little pissed off that people on that level actually think they can disrespect me and I’m just going to allow it. Has he lost his mind?

Your probably wondering why I haven’t gone off on him yet? His wife is a dear and precious gift to me and I wouldn’t disrespect her for the world. In my opinion, if I were to lower myself to ball him out, it would disrespect her. I’m old school and I don’t deal with people on that level. I’m not one to do that. If I don’t have anything else, I have my good and loyal character and I intend on keeping it.

Character shows what you do when no one is looking. Would you do the right thing? For example: if you wanted to cheat on your partner with someone, would you do it if no one found out about it? That shows a bad character.

Those are the type of people that you cannot trust. There is no way I would cheat on my man even if no one found out about it because I would know about it. Plus, I respect him and our relationship a lot more than that. I’m better than that. I also don’t want bad karma in my life. What you put out comes right back to you, and I only want to put good stuff out there. I’m above this petty man.

This man however, I feel is potentially dangerous and it’s only a matter of time before he loses control altogether and hurts someone. I don’t want that someone to be me. People like that don’t stop, they just get worse.

I’m worried for his daughter and his wife because his wife will protect their daughter before she let’s their daughter get hurt. I’m afraid if that happens, she will get hurt in the process.

Like I said, it’s only a matter of time. He’s a ticking time bomb at present. I’ve told her that but she won’t listen because he’s getting counseling. In her mind, he’s trying but outwardly he is just the same. Bless her heart, she’s in denial and I can’t get through to her.

People like him ALWAYS get caught because they are deceitful, liars, con artists and furthermore they do not care about anyone, not even themselves. If a person loved themself, they couldn’t be screaming at another person in anger. There’s no way, so it obvious he hates himself. I know the sights because I hated myself for the longest. Even do, I never treated anyone in this horrible way.

I know this, I’m a SURVIVOR of domestic violence. My ex and I used to physically fight and I lost everytime. A woman is just not made to win a fight with a man, unless she has a weapon. I’m not willing to go to jail for the rest of my golden years for hurting this man, so I show on the outside that he’s not bothering me. I keep a straight face but I’m boiling inside at this vermin.

However, that’s getting old as well, so pray for me, because I’m planning on having a heart to heart talk with his wife within the next couple days.

I said all of that to say this. I hope this shows y’all how it makes someone feel if they are being disrespected. So, if you are reading this and are verbally abusing someone, STOP. STOP killing them with screams and making them feel as if they don’t matter and don’t exist. Also, STOP yelling at people for no f’ing reason furthermore, there is NO good reason to yell at your partners friend, UNLESS your disrespected first. I have never done anything but show this man respect, as God is my witness, I mean that from my heart.

If your experiencing this type of treatment (from your partner, neighbor, friend, etc…) like I’ve described, then please reach out to someone because it is considered DV abuse.

So, in order to STOP feeling like a piece of crap and to STOP feeling like I don’t exist – I write. I also inwardly concentrate as hard as I can, while telling myself that I DO matter!

It took me a very long time to feel that way and I’m not going to let anyone abuse me again. I mean that!

I tell myself that through my tears when I’m upset at this horrible person, because he’s not a man. A REAL man would not act in such a way.

I give myself pep talks all the time, just to keep myself from falling in that hideous trap of lying thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it works and the black hole doesn’t devour me, other times I just have to ride it out.

This last post I wrote will give you insight to that black hole. I suffer from unmedicated adult ADHD and the stress associated from this person is magnified by five hundred in my head, when he’s throwing his anger around. Especially so, when my dark ADHD thoughts come pouring in like a flood.

There’s going to come a time where I am fed up and I go off on him.

Would y’all blame me? I’d really like your thoughts on this!

There’s got to be a way that I can get through to him to stop f’ing doing this to me. I mean who the hell does he think he is to feel that he has a special priveledge of attacking me verbally any time he f’ing wants to?

WTF DO I DO?

Does anyone out there understand where I’m coming from?

Comments welcomed!

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Dead inside… Is all I see…..

All he wants to do is YELL…
His eyes so evil and black…
Dead inside…… As he yells and screams at anyone in his path.
So what, your miserable inside?
Who cares after you hurt us one by one, until there is no one left to hurt.

This man is no one to me and
Apologizes mean zero because it will all happen again, just give it time.
He’s not to be trusted, in this state.
I’m worried for my girl because all she wants, is for him to be fixed.

I can’t see him being fixed. Not after I saw the evil and black eyes up close…
Yelling at me….. Dead inside…..
There is no other word for him… He is an abuser through and through.

No feelings for anyone but his big fat baby self,
No respect for her or her family
I’m scared of what he may do, if he blows up

Terror rushes in on me…
Tears run down my face as I shake while putting this down
So others can see, how horrid he can really be.

I used to see the good inside, but no more..
I guess he brushed that to the side. With my anger problem, I can control mine but his, you can see, is
Uncontrollable. That’s what makes him scary.

He sees no boundaries, none will stop him when in his anger….
My gut says watch him… He’s dangerous and I trust my gut because it has never lied.

It’s sad but oh so true
He’s no longer cares for himself, so be aware he doesn’t care for you.
That makes him a danger… To anyone in his path. My back will tell you that.

I won’t hide from him because I once proclaimed I would never again be abused….. Especially by this little man.
Deep down, I’m scared because
He no longer cares.

God keep us all safe from him
and his anger that is all around him. We all need You Lord, to stop him with Your mighty hand.

Let nothing happen to us but only to him if his anger comes once again.
Karma is a bitch and God’s wrath is worse… Not caring about that will definitely leave you with a curse.

I’m still shaking, my back throbbing
Hurting for my friend more than me. She’s to good a woman for this jerk to see.

Keep her safe Lord that he may listen to her and receive some help for his issues,
Leaving us all alone once more.

๐ŸŒผ afterword ๐ŸŒบ

Exes aren’t the only abusers, there are friends even neighbors that will pounce on you in their fit of rage.

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IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP or they have been abused by someone they know……. KNOW THAT YOUR NOT ALONE!

Contact the NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE AND WEBSITE NOW. (see below)

They will get you out SAFELY.

โค๏ธ

1-800-799-7233

1-800-799-SAFE

๐Ÿ’™ HOTLINE #โค๏ธ

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