Have you ever had so much love inside of you and you had no where to give it
That feeling I’m describing is almost like being punched in the chest. It hits hard then overwhelms and overpowers you, and you can “feel” the void of where the love was supposed to go. That void hurts a million times more than not having somewhere safe for it to go.
The dark hole does still ache, tremendously and deep, inside of my chest. Paralyzing, way deep down inside yet numb, from the stark realization, that there is nowhere close for me to place, the love that’s deep down in my heart.
The void he has is still there, I feel it with fear and he’s blocking the place and making it hard to find that part of his heart where the love cried to go, so I felt that I’d just lost my case.
My exclusive guy lives almost an hour away 😢 so I don’t see him as often as my heart would okay. He also holds me at a distance more than ever he does but… unknowingly I think, and day by day he gets further and further away from that secret place because he had a dark place in his heart. He forms no bonds, nobody can have a hold on him as he will say but all this has caused me to “feel” helpless yet defeated, way deep down and through and through, straight into that void and it’s deep in his heart.
Sometimes it really does feel like he just no longer cares, to talk to me much. It’s not sounding like him from the start and still it’s killing me, ever so slow and it pains me so much to know that his pain matches mine, yet it all could be stopped NOW, if only his secret spot, would accept the love coming – straight from my heart!
Nevertheless, the ache has kept on, sadly aware that’s a fact, realizing there’s nowhere at all, in such a place, for my love to be accepted and given, without losing face.
The ache grows stronger for the love that it’s missed, love was crying out harder, than ever before – gut wrenching pain, slicing straight to my heart and it hurts so bad, esp in nightmares…. Scaring me through the dark parts of my soul, making my love close off, the void that was placed in his heart.
His void longs to be filled to the top, regardless of his fear that my love will get loose and then will depart, to that midnight train sneaking away, while he’s doing his part. What he needs to realize is that I’m not going anywhere and I can be what’s deep in his heart!
It’s really quite painful when the pounding (that’s mostly the fear) begins, again and so slowly, then the crescendos begin, up past the very ceiling that shields you within.
It’s a horrible yet painful ache stabbing into my soul, unlike any other ache, that’s ever been experienced because of one heart. This I can promise you, right from the start of this journey of hope, pain, and fear, along with two hearts.
In many ways, it’s worse to ache, for someone who has kept your love at a distance (for whatever reason), than to lose someone through death and to never see them again. Either way it halts the love, that’s patiently waiting just to be placed.
It is possible to grieve for someone while they’re still alive, and even possibly, are still in your life!
Tears fall for the love that is right in your face, By wanting to be noticed so much I may break. That makes it impossibly difficult for my love to be correctly placed.
(It’s the distancing he does, that can be felt in a flash, and he neglects to acknowledge any one certain fact. The love he silently craves, is hiding within but keeping it so far, away from his heart, yet he still needs a place, that her love may climb, right up to the clouds, with those beautiful stars.)
Is it plausible that this secret heart has a face, who could it be because from what I have faced; he’s loyal and good, just resisting love in any form keeping me at a distance, not showing me the real him that I’ve known.
I’ve yearned to bond with his mind like before and our sex that would blow me so far out in space, keeping me screaming his name all over the place!
Yes he does live far away but it’s okay and possibly one day, he will stay again and then he can hold me so hard through the night.
I feels his defenses spring up from his core, from a secret place that my heart might explore. Yet they hold onto that love and to you so far away, from the void deep down in his heart, so do you “feel” that hole and crushing ache, while hurting so bad simply because my love, craves to be placed.
He used to radiate the thought that my love was approved because he didn’t run the entire time that he knew. This deep, fierce, all over, intense feeling I get shows my love for this man that I’ve not had to date. He seems to good to be true and I see that in everything that he’s done just for me. Love tries to escape from the depths of my core, to rush to the void and quickly fill his heart, only to get caught up with Distance, which made my love turn around in his dream…
Sometimes, my love is unwanted it seems, and if that is the case, the pounding will start off relatively soft, and then it will hit you with such a great force, going all the way up and into your throat where coerced. Making you feel, that maybe you’re trying just to stay afloat, with deep labored breaths that seem forced from your lungs, and hey, yes the void that he has, secretly aches, but not for anyone else, so that my love might be placed.
The way he makes love to me is insane and wild and then, when he stares at me intensely while on top, doing incredible things too me I don’t want him to stop…
It’s all about him, conquering that fear, that all women are alike and just playing a game. Keep an open mind that one may exist totally for you, to enjoy, respect and in return, you will have that best friend and beyond.
Well, she’s right here beside you holding the mark, and the bond that you’ve shared deep down in both hearts.
Craving it to be, inside of their most secret place, but past demons come up to fill them instead, doing nothing but making his heart again fill with dread. There’s no more room for my love to reside, he’s distancing again proclaiming to all that he’s not attached, (Are we still EXCLUSIVE? Reporting wasn’t true yet he believed it so much, it was concreted deep in his trust.)
Seeing that my love makes his heart hesitate real fast, and then, I can “feel” that same hesitation involved in everything that he does and does just for me. It will, eventually haunt him while making him wonder why. Is her love really real and not wanting more than I’m able to give?
(His hesitation tells me sooooo much)
He thinks as he smokes, so focused on this, revelation that hit him so fast!
You can also “feel” it, in everything that is said. His entire persona as a whole, will find a way, to completely hesitate and maybe, they think, there’s somewhere inside them, for all that love you have radiating the heat that’s way deep inside, to be placed in a place for my love not to hide.
(I have all this love for you bursting inside, away from your doubts yet you are holding onto a hope, in faith there’s no doubt, in order for your heart to allow me inside.)
Letting you get deep into your stride, trying not to collide with your need for space. While way deep inside, of my secret place, where I’m holding this love that is turned on by you, and with an ominous ache, his void is so huge that I may ask, silently. “Is it worth it for me, to just let him know? Since the love that I hold onto HARD yet, deep down inside, while knowing that it’s not allowed to be placed.)
Patience with love combined is what the key is right here..
That pounding gets harder, louder and deep, inside of my chest, knowing nothing at all, but the knowledge remains, and the fact really is very plain, that you can’t breathe from deep down inside.
He’s protecting his spirit so mine, can conquer and divide the demons that harass and take place in his heart, while making him keep it from love that’s shown in his face.
Yet he’s scared to release that small secret place where he let love come close – but he didn’t give place and he seemed indifferent to me, harboring things that would have made others break.
He then showed me the side of his hero part to, he’s so brave and so strong –
I hear me now and I’m crying for you…
Moving robotically, day by day and shuffling through all the mess in my way.
The weight of that ache, settled deep in my mind, wishing hard and praying loud, screaming for that love to please be found.
Then, maybe his heart will come out and see, that my love needs to fill, those places he has way deep down inside of his secret heart place where he hasn’t let love arrive…
With him not wanting it, yet sensing he wanted it so, his heart could be healed allowing a path for true love to grow. God had surely set them up to meet and get close inside his heart. His spirit had spoken up and with that pic in his mind, damn all of the sudden, he turned from me and groaned, then he closed himself off to the trails of my mind.
I’m holding on, with all of my might, slightly frantic it seems because I don’t want this fight. I want everything to remain the same, with our hot sexy times and yet I still need to know, “are we still exclusive deep down in your mind?”,
…all the while I’m knowing, there’s no room in his heart, for him to be mine.
I knew from the start that I would probably get hurt deep down to the very core of my heart. He’s that precious to me to have in my life, that he’s keeping his distance doesn’t change the want that’s way deep down inside that special place that’s deep down in my heart.
Just remember, it all started with his void deep inside, where my love wanted to go and lay down to reside. He’s held me in his strong arms, no fear that I can see, he makes everything negative stay away from me. He keeps the bad stuff far away so that I can’t get to it then I begin to pray…
Sometimes my love was allowed to get close and deep down inside, just not quite… and that’s partly because my love was secretly keeping his hope alive!
Despite what he showed me that he didn’t want, any part of my love, that I have deep down in my heart. Secretly he wished for a love so grand that it would put to shame, any past that he had.
He was fighting inside, close to his heart… Whether or not to allow these feelings I’ve felt, so strong for him, since the day that we met.
My hope is that one day, love would be allowed fully to see, and deep enough for the love to “feel“, all snuggly and warm way deep down inside, yet needing to rest and being right beside, the place, where his hope let’s my love survive!
That agonizing pounding, over and around his void, hits me, deep down, while keeping his hope at a distance, suffering from not allowing us to form a deep bond, that would normally reside, in a place so secret, deep down in his heart, in a secret place, where he wouldn’t let hope arrive.
With a lot of joy, that hope was staying close, just out of my reach, I knew this routine way better than most, also knowing inside of my deep down space, where I needed his void to remain in it’s place.
Teasing me relentlessly, the strings of my heart, and waiting for patience, yet craving him hard, where was the love coming from – it was where love finally did find a place!
The ache will never go away, for that person you need, your craving them relentlessly, just wanting that love to get deep down inside and take that void by surprise, while filling their heart with love, so they will certainly survive!
There will be none to replace this one in my heart, he will forever have the key, to my special heart place, where my love lived in the first place, right from the start! The hope it still feels from his void, masking itself not to scare him away.
Asking finally, where does my love go, if not to him? Answer. That love that is his and his alone will just wait around until it’s shown, that is okay to fill that void of his.
If that never happens… My love will still be right here outside just loving him anyway thru everything indeed!
💕For those who may not have understood the angle of this upbeat yet fearful post, I will explain. I have so much love inside of me for this man and he knows how I feel. I never tell him I love you in words out of respect for him so he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable and because for one thing that doesn’t do any Justice to the why I inside. It’s “beyond love” because I never wanted him to feel uncomfortable or think I was pushing him into something he’s not ready for.. He knows and accepted it, trusting me as much as he’s able to keep my word and not push him for more. That’s enough for me because I accept him and where he’s at. He sees my actions and I see his, because true love is a verb and actions speak louder than words. He shows me all the time he cares but he only cares and loves up to a certain point because of past heartaches. He can only give so much of himself and a little part of him is always on guard, waiting for the other shoe to be dropped.
I know without being told that he likes me loving him (if he didn’t he would get angry with me for “pushing” him.) He doesn’t, in fact he’s very patient and understanding with me through it. I know that he wants to show me but I also know he’s afraid to because in his mind, if he does show me intimate and affectionate stuff that I will get the wrong idea and expect more from him. That really makes sense to me and since day one of us being together and exclusive, I’ve known exactly what I was getting into. I’ve always kept him knowing where my head was. That’s where most women make their mistake. They aren’t honest or they didn’t let their guy know where their head was. So all the guys can do in that aspect is guess and that’s never good to guess where your partners head is. Our mind always rotate to the negative, don’t you think?
This post talks about the void in his heart that I want so much to fill, if he could allow me to and that secretly, he wants to show me that but after it hits him that he’s thinking that, he immediately pulls away to his comfort zone. I don’t say anything, i just smile and accept him.
Acceptance is a compromise in any relationship. It’s just pretty much unheard of these days. But I’m ok with that and I accept him where he is at, and he accepts me and where I’m at. We don’t let all that become a problem for us, we would rather enjoy our journey and what we do have at this moment and not worry about what we don’t have.
(Just because we don’t have a traditional relationship doesn’t mean we don’t care. Most in traditional relationships can’t say that they have anything close to what we have.)
We don’t put that stress on us. We are happy now. We have 100% Loyality, respect, compassion, honesty, good communication daily, enjoy being together and we have off the chain sex! We bonded emotionally, soulfully, and sexually, and that is definitely a combination that cannot be beaten!
It’s “beyond best friends with benefits” that is the name I gave what we have together.
that should help you decipher this post and understand it!
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